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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH driving me absolutely mad - please help

12 replies

souphshej · 16/10/2022 21:01

Our toddler (2.5) is at nursery half the week, the rest of the time he’s at home. We’ve had a couple of days off recently and have spent a lot of time with him, doing various family activities etc, which has been lovely.

However, when we get home the problems start. After having dinner together at 6.30ish I’m perfectly happy to stick DS in the lounge in front of the TV for 30-45 mins while I do the washing up, quick hoover round, other chores or just decompress with a cuppa or glass of wine in the kitchen. He is perfectly happy watching telly and knows exactly where to find me if he needs anything - he’ll regularly come running into the kitchen asking for snacks or water or whatever else if he wants it. We live in a small house so I’m not exactly far away!

DH has suddenly started making this into a big issue, saying it’s not right that I “don't want to spend time with my son” and that it’s “not what he’d expect of a normal mother/child relationship”. I’ve explained that I’m with our son for many hours in the day and that I need a bit of “me time” to relax. He’s turned it into a massive argument two nights on the trot now and has literally just stormed upstairs to bed after I said I completely disagree and our son is perfectly capable of being on his own for a short while. DH does tend to sit with him more than me, but is always on his phone and DS will regularly have to ask him several times to get his attention as DH is so absorbed in his phone.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Couldyounot · 16/10/2022 21:08

It's funny how none of the solutions for this non-problem that he has identified involve him putting his phone down, isn't it.

EmmaH2022 · 16/10/2022 21:10

It seems your DH is complaining about this bit

"After having dinner together at 6.30ish I’m perfectly happy to stick DS in the lounge in front of the TV for 30-45 mins while I do the washing up, quick hoover round, other chores or just decompress with a cuppa or glass of wine in the kitchen"

so he does the chores and you hang with DC, is one option.

souphshej · 16/10/2022 21:12

That’s what I don’t understand - it seems like a total “non problem”. DS is happy and I’m happy. OK in an ideal world I should probably be reading to him or playing games, but we do so much in the day anyway. I can’t see why watching some TV on his own in the lounge is a big issue. I can’t understand why DH is flying off the handle.

OP posts:
souphshej · 16/10/2022 21:14

Yesterday evening when he was complaining that I wasn’t in the lounge with them for some family time, I pointed out that if I came into the lounge, he would no doubt be sitting on his phone and ignoring us anyway. I came through and that’s exactly what happened.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 16/10/2022 21:15

DH does tend to sit with him more than me, but is always on his phone and DS will regularly have to ask him several times to get his attention as DH is so absorbed in his phone

What a hypocritical knob. He sounds like a dick, quite frankly, OP. I'm guessing you are the one at home with your son during the day and have plenty of time together?!

souphshej · 16/10/2022 21:16

I don’t see why I should be required to sit in the lounge while DH scrolls on his phone and DS watches TV.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 16/10/2022 21:16

DH has suddenly started making this into a big issue, saying it’s not right that I “don't want to spend time with my son” and that it’s “not what he’d expect of a normal mother/child relationship”

And this is really fucking horrible. If my husband ever said that to me I would find it very hard to forgive.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 16/10/2022 21:18

Suggest he considers what a decent marriage entails..

souphshej · 16/10/2022 21:21

What I don’t understand is why he’s suddenly latched onto this. Is it so wrong to leave a toddler on their own for that amount of time?

OP posts:
threecupsofteaminimum · 16/10/2022 21:22

LTB

Florencenotflo · 16/10/2022 21:27

How else are you supposed to get stuff done? I have a 6 and 3 year old. This morning I gave my 6 year old the tv remote and the 3 year old the kindle with peppa pig playing, sat them each end of the sofa, while I got on!

They got bored after a little while and got toys out. But they were on their own on and off for around an hour. I sorted out some washing, hoovered upstairs, changed the bed etc. I was in shouting distance at all times.

If he had that much of a problem he'd be doing an engaging activity with him. Anyway, a bit of tv to wind down in the afternoon is not going to do him any harm.

FinallyHere · 16/10/2022 21:34

I can’t understand why DH is flying off the handl

What does he think he should be doing while you wash up and hoover?

As it happens, I think that it's wrong to entertain DC all their waking hours. A bit of boredom is a great stimulus to creativity. If they grow up thinking you are some kind of entertainment officer, their lives will very much be the poorer for it.

Try asking DH when he last entertained DC. Or did the washing up or hoovering. Pah.

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