Car seats - who chooses?

[cocomelonhead]

Parents have one car seat which they bought for our eldest child a few years ago. They asked us which one and we told them and they bought it. We now have 2 children. They've been borrowing one of our car seats whenever they take them both but now they've said they've bought their own second seat. Only thing is, I don't like the seat they've bought. It's a re-brand of a cheap generic Chinese seat and it's not properly crash tested to the same standard as our other seats. I don't want my kids in it. Am I ok in telling them that? Or seeing as it's their car and they paid should I just suck it up. For information, because I know it'll be asked, they have the children because they want to, not as regular childcare, so we don't need them to have them.

Yes you’re within your rights to do that as it’s your child’s safety at risk

I would buy them a seat of your choosing.

I certainly wouldn't allow them to use a seat of I wasn't happy with the safety

well then you need to buy a different one for them, and pay for it.

Your kids, your choice what they sit in! But I wouldn’t expect your parents to pay for the type of seat you want. Can you have a chat to explain why you’re not happy with it and say you’ll buy a better one?

Is it sold in the uk? What car seat is on sale but doesn’t conform to the appropriate regulations?
If you want a specific car seat it’s going to be on you to buy it.

Do I? Why can't we carry on as we were with them borrowing ours? We don't really have the money to spend on another seat that's only going to be used once every few months. The solution we had was fine.

Yep, this. I would provide the seat.

Buy a seat you think is good and will fit in their car. Then exchange it for their shit one when they come visiting to take your children out. Explain just before you exchange it why you are doing it.

Your children your responsibility to ensure they are safe. However there is no need to cause drama.

Yeah just buy a new seat and get it delivered to them.

Oh well if they can just keep borrowing then tell them to do that and you don't want your child in that seat. Is it one of those godawful Team tex/Nania white clip ones?

Sadly the minimum regs for car seats in this country are very poor but there are plus-tested seats that are much higher quality, and that's what I choose to use for my DC.

Can you just keep installing yours in their car when they’re taking your child out? As a pp said, steer well clear of a team tex seat.

I’ve Come across exactly this!! With a buggy (and a suitcase!) so the stakes were lower… but also with weaning, buying shoes etc.

Just say… “I’m sorry… thanks for your help and thoughtfulness but we don’t like the idea of the other seat you’ve bought for xyz reason. We’d be really happy for you to take it back for a refund, and we’ll just send the normal seat across with the child. Could you imagine if something happened?”

Their egos will be slightly wounded but they’ll get over it. Smile and carry on, be lovely to them.

Why does OP need to do this? They had an arrangement where OP would give them their car seat when Grandparents had the kids.

Grandparents went out without discussion and bought a piece of crap car seat.

Why should the OP now have to buy them a new one? She didn't want nor ask them to buy a car seat for their car in the first place.

OP, I honestly don't think people have properly read your thread saying you have to buy a new car seat....

There's no easy way around it. You just explain about the safety of car seats and how it doesn't matter how it performs day to day - it's how it stands up in a crash. There's plenty of crash testing clips on YouTube you can send them. Think you just start the conversation with, I know it probably looks like I'm being neurotic but the reason we picked our car seat etc etc and tell them to get a refund.

Are they?

Source please.

I only let my kids travels in cars with seats I approve of. I look at crash safety tests before anything else. I don’t compromise on things like that . Luckily most of the people close to me have a similar mindset and even though my parents don’t really care they respect my opinion as they know I know my stuff. My in laws on the other hand find this offensive but don’t really care tbh. It’s not difficult to respect a parent’s wishes. But some people just don’t like being told.

I would just be honest with them. Car seat safety is one thing I wouldn’t budge on no matter differences of opinions with parents or in laws. I’m sure they won’t mind, they also have your child’s best interests at heart and are probably just unaware. Worst case scenario they think you’re being a slightly OTT but better that and your children being safe!

I agree with this.

I'd tell them and keep going with the arrangement you had. My in-laws wanted to choose a basic cheap Halfords seat that was forward facing for their car when DD was 9 months old and wouldn't listen when I said I didn't want her forward facing and don't want her in that seat, offered to buy a new seat and they refused so now she doesn't go in their car

You need to be honest with them and say you are not happy with your child/children in that seat. You shouldn't have to suck anything up when it comes to their safety. I would phrase it that you've done extensive research and the seats you currently have really are rated well for safety and therefore want them to continue using those. Could it also be a generation thing? My mum recently asked if my 4 month old son could sit in my lap if she drove us somewhere in her car! I'm sure you can guess what my response was!!

I also don't think you need to go out and buy a seat for them, as you say if borrowing the seats you currently have works, why change it.

I can’t believe that any car seat you can buy in this country is not of a high safety standard.

incarsafetycentre.co.uk/safety-centre/car-seat-crash-test-speeds

These are the minimum regs. You can make your own mind up as to how good they are.

The minimum regulations are currently:
• Any baby or child car seat that has ECE R44/04 on the label must have been through a frontal-impact crash test at 32mph, a rear impact at 18mph and a roll-over simulation test. There is no mandatory side-impact test.
• Any baby or child car seat with R129 on the label has been tested to a new regulation (also known as i-Size), and they undergo the same tests as ECE R44/04, with the addition of a side impact test at 15mph.

Put that in perspective please.

So for example, how many kids have died in these "low standard" car seats?