To live in fear of loss

[derien]

Both my parents are terminally Ill. I’m terrified of being in a world where they aren’t here anymore. I don’t know how I will be able to manage knowing there’s really no body that loves me like they do. My kids are about to leave home and the precious wonderful years are over. I didn’t realise how I would feel so much loss in such a short space of time. I feel like I’m just waiting and living in fear of the moment. My bond with my father especially has been very close and I just don’t know how I’ll put one foot in front of another when he goes. The memories are so magical and full of happiness I can’t bear the pain of thinking of them. I look at my children and their rooms and see babies they used to be. I’m grief stricken and I want to curl up and sob. What is there to keep going for? No one needs me now and there is no warmth or care in the world for me . I’m bereft

I’m so sorry, that all sounds so tough to deal with individually, coming all at once is extra difficult.

Please go and have a chat with the GP, it sounds like you could do with some support

I'm so sorry, @derien
That is a LOT to have on your plate all at once. Do you have a DH? Am assuming not, as he wasn't mentioned.. siblings?

I'm so sorry , it's incredibly hard . I think you might need some help through this .
And you will miss your little ones but I'm sure you are proud that they are making their way and you have done that part of your job.
As your feelings for your own parents shows , they will never not need you xxx

All very normal things to feel. Some people don’t acknowledge it or don’t have to face loss until later in life, but everyone does sooner or later.

Look up Sheryl Paul’s work on anxiety as I think it may resonate with you and help with moving through the grief and loss.

These are temporary feelings and you will find some new footing with time and inner work

That is a lot of grief to try to manage, quite understandable that you feel overwhelmed.

However, your thinking style is compounding your grief. Your children are always your children, they will always need you. If you reflect on how you view your own parents then you will realise how much richness remains in your relationship with your own children.

That aside, you need support, probably professional and lay people. Can you pay for therapy? And do you have close friends you can depend on for support?

Thanks so much for replying everyone who has taken the time and effort. I feel less alone. I have a DH but he is very hard. I don’t think I ever truly understood the very temporary nature of our lives. I agree my kids may likely view me and need me like I do my parents.
I think of that song by skeeter Davis “ don’t they know it’s the end of the world “
Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars glow above?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when I lost your love
I wake-up in the morning, and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does
Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when you said, "Good-bye”

I don’t think I ever truly understood the very temporary nature of our lives.

it can be a big shock to realise this! Especially when you’ve had or facing multiple losses in a short space of time.