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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I rude/wrong in this situation?

457 replies

clankist · 16/10/2022 16:20

Was out walking my two seven month chihuahuas today. I have treated them like dogs from day one and they are very well trained. They walk off lead absolutely fine and don't bother other dogs at all, however if a dog comes running over to them they will bolt.

Today I was walking them off lead and there were two big golden retriever with two women who were chatting. We were quite a distance away but one of the retrievers started barking and running towards me/my dogs. I put my hand out in a 'stop' motion as it got closer. I said, 'stop' and when that didn't work I said 'no'. That didn't work either and my dogs started to run away.

I moved away from the dogs and began to call for my dogs but the retriever kept following me so my dogs were standing watching at a distance but wouldn't come over due to the dog being next to me. I shouted across to the woman, 'can you please get your dog?' No reply and she continued talking.

I moved away again, calling my dogs and the dog followed me again. I looked at the lady and shouted, 'can you get your dog?' She didn't move.

I moved away again and the dog followed once again, at this point I was exasperated and said a little sternly, 'will You move your dog!?'

She came over and said, 'my dog isn't anywhere near your dogs' rudely.

I said, 'yeah because they ran away terrified due to your dog coming up to them. If your dog is off lead it shouldn't be running up to my dogs'

She went to say something but I just held up my hand and said, 'thank you'.

I then continued my walk with my dogs and the lady met another dog walker who then started pointing to me and shaking their head.

Did I do the right thing to deal with this situation or was I too sensitive? I just think you shouldn't have your dog off the lead unless you know they will not approach any other dogs without permission.

OP posts:
Unanananana · 16/10/2022 19:42

Op - AIBU

AIBU - yes, here is why

Op - I'm not though.

Another pointless thread. Put your dogs on leads. Not that well trained if they bolt and don't come back. Not sure how you can delude yourself into thinking otherwiss.

GloriousGlory · 16/10/2022 19:43

Your dogs don't like to interact with other dogs. They don't want to go far from you.

Just keep them on a lead.

GloriousGlory · 16/10/2022 19:43

Unanananana · 16/10/2022 19:42

Op - AIBU

AIBU - yes, here is why

Op - I'm not though.

Another pointless thread. Put your dogs on leads. Not that well trained if they bolt and don't come back. Not sure how you can delude yourself into thinking otherwiss.

True!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/10/2022 19:44

Livelovebehappy · 16/10/2022 18:50

If your dogs are the ones which are afraid of other dogs, then I’m sorry but yours should be on a lead too. You can’t expect everyone else to have their dogs on leads in case they chase yours. That wouldn’t be fair would it?

Yes, if a dog is prone to chasing other animals, of course it should be on a lead.

But that is beside the point. The other dog owner saw that her animals were distressing the OP and she ignored pleas for assistance and carried on with her chitchat instead. That would be rude in any situation. The OP was walking along minding her own business until Rude Woman's dogs intervened.

Itisour · 16/10/2022 19:46

What is your conclusion @clankist after reading all the responses? Were you unreasonable/do you accept any of the blame? Will you put your dogs on a lead on their next walk?

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 16/10/2022 19:49

Both were a bit unreasonable…her for not intervening faster when you asked her to and you for expecting her to be psychic and know your dog’s behaviour.

The accepted etiquette is that if another dog is on lead you call yours back and keep them on their lead if needed. Yours were off lead so how was she supposed to know to call hers back?

JennyJenny8675309 · 16/10/2022 19:51

I like the “stop” sign with your hand up. I’m going to employ that method of dealing with CF’s from now on. 😂

PetraBP · 16/10/2022 19:51

Sorry.

Dogs play with other dogs.

If your dogs are off the lead you can’t expect other people’s dogs not to approach them.

If you’re that precious about them, get a pram.

Daisychainsx · 16/10/2022 19:51

Nobody should be walking their dogs off the lead in a non enclosed dog park. The lady was wrong, but I'd say so we're you. Some people have debilitating fears of dogs, some dogs are terrified on unleashed dogs whether they come bounding over or not. Regardless of how well trained a dog is, it's an animal and has instincts that can't always be predicted. Therefore should be on the lead 100% of the time in public areas.

I say this as the owner of 2 dogs. I hate nothing more than seeing dogs being walked off the lead. Even if they don't come charging over, I still get a feeling of dread and usually have to change my walking route if I see dogs off the lead in the distance. You might be confident your dogs are well behaved but I'm not confident in your dogs, or anyone else's, and the extra 2 foot of freedom for your dogs isn't worth the stress for everyone else you might meet. And the fact they didn't come back when you called shows your dogs should be on a lead for their own safety.

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 16/10/2022 19:51

Also, why ask the question and then get defensive when people don’t all agree with you?

Shauny098 · 16/10/2022 19:51

clankist · 16/10/2022 16:26

Completely disagree. The only situation they run is when a random dog approaches them by running up and barking. I don't think it's much to ask dog owners to not allow that.

Show quote history

That’s the risk you take by having them off the lead though, other dogs off the lead will approach to say hi. If you know your digs then run and won’t come back then I would keep them on long leads.

However the woman then should have come and got her dog when it started following you. Wrong on both sides, easily fixed by leashing your dogs.

Tornado70 · 16/10/2022 19:51

Any dog off-lead should be under control.
sounds like your dogs need to on-lead or just walked where no other dogs are around.

mam0918 · 16/10/2022 19:53

two wrongs.

In the eyes of the law you BOTH had uncontrolled animals and both equally liable for any issues.

Why do you think YOUR dogs are more special than hers? Your can walk off lease, run off without you retrieving them etc... but her dog does exactly the same and thats bad.

My main question is why didn't you leash your dogs when you saw the other dog, it was a distance away and you had time to try and command someone elses dog but not control your own. If you had put yours on leash you would legally bec the correct one but you didn't, you expected her to do something you yourself didn't and think shes somehow more 'wrong' than you + then you where exceptionally rude.

MoanaMadness · 16/10/2022 19:54

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/10/2022 19:09

Is this aimed at me?

My dog goes no where near anyone. Simple

Show quote history

You know that, but the other dogs don’t do they? If there was a trained but uncaged tiger roaming around, would you feel safe? Honestly there are too many of you only thinking about yourself and your own dog, rather than the others and how they may feel.

Autumn231 · 16/10/2022 19:55

I have two dogs, if I saw someone with another dog off the lead I’d assume they’d be fine to run up and play with them. As soon as I see a dog on the lead, I’ll put mine on.

I do agree the woman should have listened to you when you asked her to get her dog, but I do think it’s unreasonable to suggest her dog should have been on the lead.

Brefugee · 16/10/2022 19:56

YABU.
You want everyone else to have their dogs on leads when you and your precious little overgrown rats don't have to.

Keep them on a lead.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/10/2022 20:00

MoanaMadness · 16/10/2022 19:54

You know that, but the other dogs don’t do they? If there was a trained but uncaged tiger roaming around, would you feel safe? Honestly there are too many of you only thinking about yourself and your own dog, rather than the others and how they may feel.

Show quote history

Ok. My dogs not a tiger. We'll carry on as we are. My dog is trained and has never once failed to recall. I think you need to worry about the people who have zero control of their dogs. Not someone who has.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/10/2022 20:02

PetraBP · 16/10/2022 19:51

Sorry.

Dogs play with other dogs.

If your dogs are off the lead you can’t expect other people’s dogs not to approach them.

If you’re that precious about them, get a pram.

Of course you can. If your dog cannot be trusted not to approach another dog it shouldn't be off the lead

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/10/2022 20:03

Daisychainsx · 16/10/2022 19:51

Nobody should be walking their dogs off the lead in a non enclosed dog park. The lady was wrong, but I'd say so we're you. Some people have debilitating fears of dogs, some dogs are terrified on unleashed dogs whether they come bounding over or not. Regardless of how well trained a dog is, it's an animal and has instincts that can't always be predicted. Therefore should be on the lead 100% of the time in public areas.

I say this as the owner of 2 dogs. I hate nothing more than seeing dogs being walked off the lead. Even if they don't come charging over, I still get a feeling of dread and usually have to change my walking route if I see dogs off the lead in the distance. You might be confident your dogs are well behaved but I'm not confident in your dogs, or anyone else's, and the extra 2 foot of freedom for your dogs isn't worth the stress for everyone else you might meet. And the fact they didn't come back when you called shows your dogs should be on a lead for their own safety.

Your first paragraph is pure opinion.

CharlotteRose90 · 16/10/2022 20:03

You were rude and your dogs should be on a lead Aswell. No excuse from both of you

User463763636363 · 16/10/2022 20:06

I get it somewhat. My dog is nervous of off lead digs approaching her, she's always on a lead though. She should have recalled her dog or put it on a leash...

but...

If your dogs are known to bolt they should be on a lead too!

neither of you were in full control of your dog/s.

BlueMongoose · 16/10/2022 20:07

Frankly I think dogs should always be on a lead, unless they are under control- that is, will come/stay to heel when told. So I think both of you were at fault to some extent.
But she ought to have called her dog to herself when you asked, so the hand is fair enough.

ewright86 · 16/10/2022 20:08

I think you 100% did the right thing. I have a nervous dog who would have behaved in a similar way. it really frustrates me when I clearly take him off the side and keep his attention to wait with me so he stays calm but other dog walkers ignore this and let their dogs do as they please - it’s very rude. I actually think the other lady was rude; good on you for sticking up for your dogs!

PortalooSunset · 16/10/2022 20:10

You were rude, yes. And if your dogs don't yet have 100% recall then they should be on a lead.

sarahj878 · 16/10/2022 20:10

To be fair you were both in the wrong. If her dog hasn’t good recall or she can’t be bothered to recall it and it’s running up to other people or animals then it should be on a lead, if your dogs are going to run away because they are fearful of other dogs then they also shouldn’t be off a lead (although with a retriever bounding up to them I can see why they’d run off). She was rude for being inattentive and for not responding to you initially but she could argue you were rude if you prevented her from responding. She could even have been about to apologise (unlikely obviously) but didn’t have chance.

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