Been very close friends with my friend for over 25 years (since our school days). Although during this time there have of course been periods of time where we saw each other a bit less than other times, we have always been in each other’s lives. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. She was the person I left DS with when I was in hospital having my second baby. She’s the only friend who has been present at every single stage of my life.
Although there have been LOTS of times she has been a great friend and a real source of support to me, there have also been many times over the years in which she has been a bit of a pain. There’s no way of sugar coating it really, she has always been a bit of a liar. During our school days our friendship group used to roll our eyes at her tall stories (but nobody would ever confront her for blatantly lying) , as we got older the stories became a bit more outrageous and they always involved her being wronged outrageously in some really dramatic fashion, at work/with men etc. again, it was always obvious none of this had actually happened. She also has form for telling real whoppers about friends of friends ; “so and so had a sordid affair” etc, so quite serious stories which could have huge repercussions should they be repeated. Myself and a couple of other friends often felt uncomfortable around her husband and their group of friends who we don’t know very well as we could only imagine what crazy tales she had told them about things we had never done as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if her husband believes me to have a secret crack habit which I fund through prostituting myself in the kitchen area of the local toddler group, with my 8year old acting as my minder.
she would also pretend to have allergies (in years and years of friendship I have eaten out with her countless times, never once has she informed a waiter etc of her “allergies”, never seen her check the ingredients on anything in a shop, doesn’t carry an epi-pen, basically she doesn’t have a bloody allergy!) but she would drop into conversation “her nut allergy” or her “egg allergy” when speaking to strangers and I guess it always felt too awkward to ask direct questions about something I knew she was lying about or embarrass her by outing her.
Another bi-annual feature of her personality is that she would have a little paddy about people not making enough effort to spend time with her.
A year ago I moved house, about an hour away. After moving I still travelled back to the area we grew up in several times, both to meet up with her alone and with mutual friends. One day she asked if I was free to do something and apparently I wasn’t enthusiastic enough. She threw her toys out of the pram and I didn’t placate her as I usually would because she was just being such a dick. Two weeks later she text me to say she and her family wouldn’t be attending my son’s birthday party as she didn’t think it would be a good idea. For context she knew I had put masses of effort and expense into the party. I replied saying if you want to be that much of a dick then that is up to you. We haven’t spoken since, it was my birthday last week and I didn’t hear a word.
I do think she’s behaved badly over the years, and I think she’s been an absolute cow falling out with me over absolutely nothing. I also miss her good qualities as she did have some and how supportive she could also be to me.
if you were me, would you be trying to make amends, given how many years we have been friends? Or would you leave her to it?