To worry about my one year old - tell me about your high needs/fussy children!

[NiceParkingSpotRitaThanksJanet]

I'm a FTM to a lovely one year old boy. I knew being a parent wouldn't be easy but I am starting to worry about my son a little. I'll list the issues/concerns below. Is this normal? Anyone with a similar child - what are they like now? I do worry about ASD/ADD as his paternal uncle has autism and I'm pretty sure his dad has undiagnosed ADD.

• Extremely fussy from birth (reflux likely played a part in this, I addition to possible cows milk allergy) neocate & omeprazole helped somewhat.

• He has never slept longer than 3 hours, usually waking much more frequently. We co-sleep but he frequently wakes crying. Usually easily consoled but not always. He's been assessed by a paediatrician for adenoids as he sleeps with his mouth open but they said its unlikely. He's also been assessed for oral ties.

• He fights sleep like crazy - sometimes holding him in my arms (I rock him to sleep) causes a huge meltdown even if he can't keep his eyes open.

• He hates any form of 'restraint' - always has. Carriers - nope! Pram - nope! Car seat - hell no! Highchair = torture. From birth he has hated all of these things. The whole 'pop them in a carrier' thing never made sense to me.

• He hates being put down. My house is a tip and I look like shit. He will often scream and cry if I put him down to cook his meals. Baby gates are treated like prison bars.

• If we are out anywhere he wants to be on the go constantly, he never sits still and wants to be 'walked' round (has been walking holding onto our hands for about 4 months but not yet walking confidently by himself)

• We have no words (unless you count mamamama) but he is only 13 months.

Is this normal? I see other toddlers (and babies when he was younger) going for walks in carriers/prams, hear about people taking their children on UK holidays (we avoid the car as much as possible because he screams), see them enjoying baby groups, out in cafes etc.

Perhaps I am just a clueless ftm with a highly strung baby! Did anyone else have a baby like this?

To be truthful my high needs baby continued to be a high needs toddler. He's now a high needs child on the autism diagnosis pathway.

Not sure OP but my probably ASD child was pretty much the exact opposite of a high needs baby - super chilled, fab sleeper. So it's not straightforward!
I think 13 months is too young to be worrying about speech.

Sounds like a mixture of mine.

One settled down a lot sleep wise at 2 and has been brilliant since but does have allergies and still sensitive to milk. Flew under the autistic radar as sibling was more typically autistic.

This is something you need to bring to a GP to discuss and ask to see a specialist in child development.

it sounds outside the normal range of behaviours, from just observing other children. Still nothing might be wrong with him, that why you need to see someone.

it could also be autism, and here the sooner you get help the better.

fish oil reduces hyperactivity, see here

www.bda.uk.com/resource/fish-oils-and-children.html

choline is very good as well

academic.oup.com/cdn/article/6/Supplement_1/799/6607365

a kids multivitamin also couldn’t hurt.

I give a multivitamin including the above to my child, I’ve always been given this or similar age appropriate one to her. Plus probiotics, prebiotics once in a while, helps with colds.

It could also be what medications you’ve been on while pregnant, like testosterone. Or even if you stopped it, if you had it outside female normal range during pregnancy from having taken it previously. I don’t know if enough is known on this.

in any case at this stage you can definitely talk to a doctor

Sounds just my dd op, and I'm pretty sure she is NT.

Understand your concerns but I think it can just be a personality thing.

She was much easier once she could be a bit more independent and communicate with us more easily

@NiceParkingSpotRitaThanksJanet Hello I just wanted to see if you've had any improvements? Or changes in your thoughts...
I think my DD might be very similar (only 2 months)

Sounds like a normal child to me. Sorry but I find it annoying that parents jump to ADD/ADHD. He’s a baby!

He’s probably too young yet for anyone to give you a meaningful answer. My highly sensitive, go-go-go baby was eventually diagnosed with autism and adhd, but my head was absolutely wrecked with people reassuring me that I was worrying about nothing, hoping they were right, and feeling like I was a little bit mad.

The best thing you can do at this point (and indeed forever) is to try and figure out what works for your ds by trial and error, treat him like an individual rather than a generic baby or child. You can get into a headspace of seeing everything through the filter of whats wrong when if you’d never heard of asd or adhd or other possibilities, you’d be laughing at how impossibly cute he is.

My now-10 yo was a godawful sleeper, probably woke every three hrs at that age and didn’t sleep through until starting school. Also developed EXTREME pickiness around eating, always on the go and had to be bounced/ walked around, absolutely loathed a pushchair or pram so I carried him in a back carrier everywhere.

He is currently very easy to deal with. There is hope!

I think some children are just like this and it's too soon to read anything into it.

Some of these sound like my 13 month old daughter
-The poor sleep (I like you have given into co sleeping)
-Hating restraints, sounds just like my girl. She's also always hated getting dressed, coat on etc. Screams and cries.
-Fighting sleep, yep.
-No words except dada and hiya. She does babble mama but not at me. And she often confuses dada and calls him gaga.

I have other concerns about my daughter though. Her eye contact since 3 months old is off. She has poor name response and is behind on gross motor skills. She's only just started pulling up recently and didn't crawl til 11 months. There are lots of other smaller things too. So many to name. I've had concerns for a long time but she is also a hugely sociable baby. Shouts hiya and waves to everyone and blows them kisses. Loves other kids and attention from anyone. And has clapped, pointed, waved etc on time.

I know how hard it is to worry about your baby. I've had this ever since I noticed her eye contact at 3 months (no eye contact during feeding etc). It's really affected my mental health but I'm getting to a better place now though but some days I'm still fearful of the future.

I find it annoying when concerned parents are shut down. Yes, some are just over anxious parents but many are seeing things in their children that are atypical. Saw it happen to my best friend about her boy, told she was over anxious. Paed said she was an anxious first time mum when he saw her son at 11 months. She was right though and he was diagnosed age 4. She saw traits in his sister from 5 months and she was diagnosed age 3.

@AJandCece hi! So he's almost 15 months old now and is confidently walking which has definitely made a difference! The past couple of weeks or so there's been a few words (banana - "narna", duck, bear, cat, hiya, bye, pear, dummy - "ummy!") and a few other attempts at words so I'm a bit less worried. Mind you, he still absolutely detests his high chair and getting him dressed is a nightmare, but I think hating getting dressed is normal about his age.

I'm hoping that he was/is just one of those babies who hated being a baby! Now he's a bit older and I can see his personality more - he's active, inquisitive, really observant and very cheeky! - I can understand why he seemed to hate those things so much. He's also definitely a 'low sleep needs' child. I don't fight him on sleep anymore and he comes over to me when he's tired, cuddles up and goes to sleep. I think I was probably trying to get him to sleep before he was ready before, rocking a screaming baby for ages!!

I might be wrong but I'm not too worried. Hope that's helpful in some way! Congratulations on your new baby :)

I've known lots of babies like this. One of mine was. Loads of them hate prams and carriers etc especially structured types. Have you tried softer wrap type slings?

My DD was very similar, she's only 2yrs 2 mths now and can be fussy still but tends to be mainly if she's tired. I think a lot of the problem is that she's always fighting sleep so always tired. She is much easier now though than when she was under 1. I think she is a sensory seeker, so movement regulates her, tends to only fall asleep with rocking, pushchair, car, etc. unless exhausted. Maybe not neurotypical but also not ASD. Hope things get easier for you, it's hard seeing those chilled kids about x

Ive just aeen your update which is positive! My high needs baby is now 8yo but when younger:

Woke every 2 hours until 2yo.
Didn't sleep through the night until 5yo- many very early morning wakes - 4am!
Fought sleep horrendously- hitting her self in the face and scratching the walls to stay awake
Hated strangers

Cried lots

She gradually got better with sleep. She had a small window you could get her to sleep easily in. Miss it and she was a nightmare fighting sleep. I now have to prod her awake in the morning.

She is a bright, confident and adventurous 8yo. She was an absolute pain in the butt as a baby!

Oh forgot to say - he still wakes a lot, but 4 or 5 times rather than what felt like 100 times a night!

I had two high needs babies and 1 very placid.
1 placid and 1 hn baby are now diagnosed asd. The nt child who was high needs was a terrible sleeper, spoke later than both asd dc and ended up having speech and language therapy.
It's very early days to diagnose and lots of asd traits can also be linked to normal development.
It's hard not to worry but try not to worry too much and see how things develop. Speak to your health visitor for reassurance and time is the only thing that will tell.