To ask what is wrong with me ?

[Hairylegsandtoes]

Background - married, 2 DC, work 50 hour week. I do everything indoors, inc mental load and family admin, except DC dinners.
Lately, I find messages from friends & family and requests to meet up, WhatsApp conversations, asks/requests/expectations just too much.
Take this weekend as an example. All I wanted was a weekend doing nothing as I'm exhausted and feeling overwhelmed in general. However, today went like this:
Hoping for a lay in but Ocado shop turned up at 8am (I had arranged this tbf). I receive the order and put way. DH in bed with a hangover. Mcds brekky delivery arrived at 10am (booked by DH). I answered the door and dish out food (DH in loo for his 30 min poo at the time). Just as I start something at home then DC needs picking up (unexpected as last minute changed of plans). I go and pick up as DH now out. Eating my lunch and friend drops in unexpectedly at 1pm and stays for 2 hours. Eating my dinner and DC brings friends home, they dissappear into loft games room and I'm left to answer door for their food delivery (you can't hear door in loft room). In bed for an early night and DH needs me to find paracetamol. I know we have it but can't place where I saw it recently, so i get up to re-trace my steps today. Throughout the day I've had numerous WhatsApps from friends who have all needed a reply. Some of these have been several message exchanges and not just a quick reply then end of convo.
DH says he doesn't understand why I act like I'm soo inconvenienced when i need to do something as simple as answer the door or a friend drops in or i need to reply to a WhatsApp message
.. and I don't know why I do either.
AIBU ?

You would be a lot less exhausted without him. It seems he is a further drain on your energy rather than any sort of partner 🙄

But also you can only expect to feel tired and overstretched when working 50hr weeks when your children are young.

Something has to give and it will be your health unless you make changes to redress the balance.

You have a DH problem.

You’re pissed off because it’s all too much and you’re exhausted. Simple as that. Start getting the shopping delivered later, make them find their own paracetamol and listen out for the door themselves. I get why you’re fucked off, you can’t hear yourself think. Tomorrow, only do things you want to do, and sleep in. Then practice making your DH do more by simply being more passive and not doing things yourself. Yeh it’ll be annoying but you’re going to crack up otherwise.

I do everything indoors, inc mental load and family admin, except DC dinners

DH in bed with a hangover. Mcds brekky delivery arrived at 10am (booked by DH). I answered the door and dish out food (DH in loo for his 30 min poo at the time)

I go and pick up as DH now out.

DH needs me to find paracetamol.

Hmm. Can't think why you are stressed!

You’re working 50 hrs a week and carrying most of the family and home organisation - it’s not the one WhatsApp message or knock on the door, it’s the accumulation of everything.
I think you should carve out some time for yourself on your days off - so say 9am to 12 noon or 1pm to 5pm, whatever - all your family (DH specifically) knows that you’re unavailable. You absolutely need the downtime. Lock yourself in the bedroom with a book or go somewhere else but do it.

Oh and tell your friends that this includes them, no turning up unannounced.

You need to say no sometimes and put some boundaries in place. Tell dh no you don't know where the paracetamol is and he will keep looking. Maybe agree set nights of the week that your dc can bring friends round on. You can't be all things to all people 100% of the time no wonder you're feeling burnt out. You need to maybe look at chores and divvy them up between you all including dc and only do what you are responsible for.

Pick one weekend morning and one weeknight evening for your private time. When you can sleep or chill of whatever. Turn your phone off and make sure DH and kids know never to disturb you in that time. It will give you your sanity back.

What is DH responsible for? Sleeping in after a night out and being useless for a day is fine if its infrequent and he usually pulls his weight.

Complaining about answering the door sounds petty but I get its the tip of the iceberg.

You should not be carrying the mental load for the entire household. The easiest bit is to refuse to do other people's responsibilities that don't effect you, so dc dont get their delivery if they don't listen out for the door.

Then you need everyone to get on board with taking responsibility for some of the other life admin. I mean genuinely on board, not just doing their thing when you remind them to, it will be very difficult but they need to respect you and understand that this is not fair.

Turn your phone off. Friend who dropped by you should have made excuses. Get door bell sound thing fitted in the games loft. Don't book food delivery for 8am

In answer to your question 'what is wrong with me' the answer is you are a people pleaser. I don't mean this nastily but your life will continue like this so long as you allow people to use you like this and I include your dh (who sounds utterly useless) and dc in this. Im presuming your dcs are quite old if they are bringing friends back and ordering food etc so why the hell are you running around after them, they can answer the door for their own food and if that means staying near the door to do so, then fine.
I think you have probably created a rod for your own back over time and now it's become too much. You've got 2 choices, carry on as you are and allow everyone around you to continue expecting you to facilitate them or learn to say 'no' and put up some boundaries.

Yes. This was me- until my divorce - then I got together with my new partner and his 4 kids who were used to being very self sufficient and sometimes even looking after each other. It opened my eyes. My partner will take me out and I'll say (force of habit ) 'but what about the kids' ..?
He says ' they'll sort themselves out'
(The youngest is 13) and the funny thing is - they always do!!
The freezer is always full. They are all very capable - and never expect to be looked after.
When the shop is delivered- I always make sure at least 2 of them are home - and I shout up the stairs that the shop is here. And whoever's home trails downstairs and carry the crates in and we all put away .
I spoilt my kids - and my ex. I made a rod for my own back. They both realize that they should have helped me more but that didn't help and I suffered a burnout back then.
Honestly - get the shopping delivered when DH is home alone.
Can't help with the 30 mins poos as my partner has 3 x 20 mins poos a day 🙈😂😂 I've got used to it now..
I plan my shower and bathroom breaks around him..
Put your oxygen mask on and treat the kids and your DH like they are room mates. Get them doing more.
Turn off notifications for what's app. It will bug the people who want your attention at first. TOUGH!
If they really need you they will call.
What's app is awful for being at people's beck and call Xx