Do you manage the family calendar?

[blocachoc]

Do you manage the family calendar? I think I might have to. DH very lovingly books things in but they are at crazy times i.e. a full on trip to a kid's attraction/exhibition which we have to practically run through as we are due at a family lunch the next second, then after that he has to rush off to do XYZ so we've got to be back at ABC place....Stressful. He has a hectic work diary and he likes to be busy. I want to enjoy these things not squeeze them in back to back. My fault as he asks me if I'm up for these things right in the middle of me looking after the kids/cooking tea. AIBU we need to look at the calendar together after the kids have gone to bed when I've got the capacity to think so it's realistic for us all? We both WFH with primary age kids. At least he is proactive I suppose!

WTF a quick trip to the zoo… The zoo should be enjoyed, stroll around it not run. Dose he consider travel time, toilet stops, prep time, time to sit down and have a brew?

Sounds like he needs micromanaging until he learns how to consider everyone when booking things.

We have a shared Google calendar but I’m the one who tends to manage it most of the time, it’s more of a fyi for DH in case he needs to pick the dcs up, he will also put in any work trips he has so I know when booking anything.

Those things are so expensive too! Zoo and meal out i mean.

Zoo is definitely a whole day event. Meal out would be something I’d put in after a quiet ish day, or maybe straight on from a walk or activity. I wouldn’t go out to the zoo, come in for one big meal and then go out for another. Exhausting and expensive!

We use a paper calendar and a shared Google calendar. Dh usually leaves planning things like Halloween or Christmas events purely so he can get out of paying for them. He arranges softplay himself as he'll usually take the kids and meet up with his brother and nephew. It does annoy me when he asks what is happening at the weekend but that has changed since I've gone back to work and I work a Saturday. This has meant he has to figure out his own weekend plans and has shown he is more than capable.

Can you put things in as covering a much longer time than they actually take? Or put in “keep free”/ “relaxing time” slots either side of big events ?

I’m divorced (thank god) but now have a joint calendar just with my teen. It’s very useful to know about the things she’s got going on so I don’t make a mistake/ booking error. But she’s a reasonable person.

Exh would put in whatever he fancied and then be annoyed about the things that had already been there - ie “family party” a drive away is in for a Saturday eve. Exh puts in a big piss up for himself on Friday night, ans a big cycling meet up very early on a Sunday. Guess who is then grumpy and itching to get away from the family do, which was in first and which the rest of us were enjoying???

Once you set up a calendar be ruthless about putting extras in there like 'travelling time' 'lunch, tidy ip for guests 'etc. I wouldn't be spending my weekend jam packed. Is he afraid of what he perceives as wasting time and / not saying yes to every suggestion and request? I have a friend who is like this. She crams so much in and is always up for everything that she is forever horrendously late/ forgetting stuff etc.

As others have said, agree that a zoo etc is day trip. A trip to the park or a dog walk is 90mins.

Yes I've started putting in "keep free/ chill time” slots either side of things.

If he needs to fill slots in the calendar then tell him to put things like cleaning the car, doing crafts with kids, movie time, story time, building blocks time…

My fault as he asks me if I'm up for these things right in the middle of me looking after the kids/cooking tea

I think that's pretty much the opposite of your fault tbh!

We have a calendar in the kitchen with a column for each of us (child included). Any appointments/social plans/events go in the relevant column so we can check it doesn't clash.

Obviously this requires trust (I couldn't just write "drinks" in my column for every day of the week) but it seems to work and prevents thinks being 'booked' that overlap.

Like a previous poster, it's not 'official' unless it's on the calendar.