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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think they're TOXIC

11 replies

obladeeobladaalifegoeson · 15/10/2022 10:56

Hi everyone,

So over the last few years started hanging out with some fellow Mum friends but our parenting styles are very different and it always gets commented on that I'm 'too nice', yet they let their los be quite mean to my lo and only intervene when they feel my lo is at fault, however one of the LOs swears at my lo and hits her and excludes her from games. It's really starting to get my lo down.

They also want to meet up every single night. The children go upstairs to be left to their own devices and then the most vocal Mum leads a gossip fest where they criticise their exes, talk about what lingerie they're going to wear when they meet their new bfs etc. The loudest Mum says the children aren't allowed to come down unless it's to have dinner. The adults can eat what they want but the children aren't allowed dessert. The children get bored and argue. The Mums said I was 'annoying' because I decided to dance and sing with the children when they came down.

I recently left my dh, they were initially supportive and kindly offered me space to stay but due to various medical issues I have post major surgery, I had to go back home, though I am moving within days. They took umbridge at my being amicable with dh, who is also being amicable. They took umbridge at my lo being vegetarian and tried to make her eat meat. They keep telling me, rather forcefully, I better not go back. Whilst I won't be going back it's none of their business I feel. Anyway, last night they had a night without me or my lo being there, they had invited us over night before and then changed location and didn't tell me....one of the LO had told their Mum they didn't want my LO there after school in front of her. I dunno if I'm happy or pleased about being excluded, or want to continue this friendship. I feel like I'm being ungrateful to them but also like they're very toxic. One Mum regularly leaves her child with various friends in neighbourhood so she can go on trips abroad to visit her bf who lives far away.... gone for a week or more at a time. This is the Mum who demands all children stay upstairs and are not seen nor heard nor given dessert. AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
obladeeobladaalifegoeson · 15/10/2022 11:00

I'm not too fussed how they treat me but it's really starting to upset my dd

OP posts:
obladeeobladaalifegoeson · 15/10/2022 11:01

they've started to blank my dh eventhough he's been nothing but kind and helpful to them

OP posts:
Untitledsquatboulder · 15/10/2022 11:01

YABU for spending time with people you clearly don't like very much and for being a human jellyfish when your dd is being picked on. Stop acting as if you have no agency, you are choosing to socialise with these people.

Mosaic123 · 15/10/2022 11:02

These friends are not nice.

Your child needs you to be around at this time of separating.

Get new friends.

Cw112 · 15/10/2022 11:03

Oh you be glad, they definitely sound toxic and you don't owe them anything. Yes they were maybe there for you initially but that's just what people do- and the comments they've made since make it sound as if they like having someone who's lower than them so they can feel good about themselves. I deffo wouldn't be wanting to put my lo in an environment where their kids are being mean and not holding them accountable and where they're making kind of passive aggressive comments towards you. I think it's time to branch out and meet some new friends, maybe join some new groups or activities lo can be involved in too or start hobbies during the time your ex has lo. It doesn't sound like you guys are on the same page at all.

Greydogs123 · 15/10/2022 11:04

Why on earth are you spending time with people who you don’t enjoy spending time with?
You’re not enjoying it, your dd isn’t enjoying it - what benefit are they to your life?

obladeeobladaalifegoeson · 15/10/2022 11:06

tbh I have lots of other lovely friends.... and have decided I'm gonna distance myself from thisc group now.....I have spoken very firmly to the lo who bullies mine and she still continues. unfortunately we all live on same road

OP posts:
obladeeobladaalifegoeson · 15/10/2022 11:07

I used to get on well with 1 of them but then the loud one with the bullying child joined and now it's become incredibly stressful and toxic.... literally over the last few months

OP posts:
mothertrucking · 15/10/2022 11:10

They're not friends, move on and leave them to it. They sound exhausting

obladeeobladaalifegoeson · 15/10/2022 11:19

I feel bad as they've been there through some tough times though..... this immense toxicity has started since July

OP posts:
obladeeobladaalifegoeson · 15/10/2022 19:39

Thanks everyone for your comments. I agree with them all. I will be cutting them off as I'm very upset.

OP posts:
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