That if I feel 'meh' before having kids, I will feel it with them too??

[WonderfulWorld22]

I am generally a happy person, especially when with friends or doing nice things with dh, but I often feel 'meh' and melancholy when alone or with no plans. Not depression level, really, just more a sort of ennui or a sort of emptiness. Maybe some or many people also feel this way through life?

Anyway we want to have children, not because I think they will fix this feeling (that would be ridiculous) but for the usual reasons of love and wanting to have a family. I think and hope we would be able to give a child a warm, fun, safe and loving life. As much as possible.

I want to hear from people with children who felt a sort of ordinary background sadness before having kids.

Did it go away? Were you too busy to feel glum? Or do you still feel this way but with lovely dc on top? Just curious really

I don’t think it’s unusual to feel a bit meh from time to time. Are you getting it all the time if unoccupied? For me alone time became all the more valuable post kids as it’s hard to secure.

Feeling meh is normal.

Why do we expect to be happy 100% of the time??? That's never gna happen!

Or do you still feel this way but with lovely dc on top?

I feel this. I have always had moments of discontent and this hasn't changed. I known it's only temporary and that helps me get through it.

I've often wondered if I actually have depression.

I’ve always felt like this. Like there’s a hole in me. I have kids and I adore them but the big meh hole is still there.

For me I’ve always been an ‘anxious person’ but it was mostly manageable. Having children brought that to the fore much more and I’ve been on and off medication since I had my eldest (currently ‘on’ and thinking that’s just what I need now).

No regrets about having children. But for me they did make what was always there more obvious / needing active management.

It does add an extra dimension & I dont know if you can predict how you will feel.

I have never managed to figure out why I am completely happy on my own, very contented, but days alone with young children made me feel lonely (husband worked v long hours)

I still get my meh days sometimes. I'm an extrovert and happiest when busy and around people. But sometimes I still have my slumpy meh moments.

Had one yesterday evening actually. Difference now is my daughter came and slumped next to me, said "it's a grump day today mum" and then we had a cup of tea and a grump together.

I'd say meh is normal in life. Kids won't miraculously fix it, but you will always be busy, so if you're happiest when occupied you'll probably have fewer meh days for a while!

I guess having children can take your mind off yourself for a bit, you become more preoccupied with their wants and needs than how you are feeling. However I don't think it can get rid of that empty feeling we all get for time to time and there will be times when it may exacerbate the feeling, eg, when they start school, when they become more independent, when they fly the nest. I do think that feeling is normal though.

I do feel happier when I am busy usually but I know I should be careful what I wish for!!!

I have felt more meh after kids I think. It's the sleep deprivation, limtations and relentlessness of it all. Plus the lockdowns really didn't help with that feeling!

Now they are a bit older ( school age) it's better as there is now more freedom and time to reconnect with friends.

On the other hand I have always wanted children, I adore them and they do add a completely new dimension to my life and I would feel sad if I never had children.

If I were in your position I would investigate counselling and borrow some friends/relatives children to see how you find it.