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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to go home early from holiday?

23 replies

Hellosunshine2022 · 14/10/2022 21:02

Currently on holiday with my family (parents, sister, her partner and DS 18 months). Normally we get on well but I often disagree with my parents over their views, they are very black and white and are not willing to change their mind about anything.
My DS has been having a tough time sleeping since we got here. Up multiple times at night sometimes for 3/4 hours in one go. I’m exhausted and my partner is away with work otherwise we normally tag team. I’m pregnant in my second trimester and aware that I’m also sensitive and emotional. Two nights ago my DS was screaming in the night and Mum came in and asked him why he was being so silly and waking everyone up?! It was really unhelpful. My parents kept asking if they could help which I explained they couldn’t as he was just tired and needed to sleep but they kept asking and coming in which made him more awake. I eventually snapped at them and said they were making it worse. The next morning I apologised for snapping and being rude and said I understood that they were trying to help anyway my parents both pretty much didn’t talk to me all day.

Before we went away I said that DS needs to nap around lunchtime and eat at regular times because he gets grouchy but that he can nap in car/ pram and I can work it around the activities. I have tried to find out a plan of the day the night before and to see if it’s suitable for us. They all like to do big walks but DS isn’t a fan of the pram and cannot walk far. They have all been really unhelpful trying to make any sort of plan for the day and think that he can miss his nap/ eat late and think I’m being ridiculous. Again at dinner I tried to find out a plan for tomorrow (walk along a cliff not pram friendly) and suggested that I take DS to a farm and meet them later in the day. This resulted in my Mum saying she is really upset feels like I don’t want to do anything with them, that I’m trying to make everyone stick to a schedule although they are on holiday and that I’m not enjoying myself. Again now she is ignoring me.
Tomorrow is the last day but I just feel like I should go home? Not sure I can stand another day walking on eggshells and being made to feel I’m being unreasonable to wanting DS to nap and eat at regular times.

AIBU?

OP posts:

elrider · 14/10/2022 21:08

Sorry OP, that sounds hard. Personally I wouldn't leave early but would state my plans for the next day and invite them to join - if they say they'd rather do something else then it's more like they're the ones changing the plan, rather than you, if you see what I mean? And I'd pick something I'd be ok with doing on my own in case all of them decide to do a cliff walk or whatever.

kitcat15 · 14/10/2022 21:10

Go home if you have the money for flights ( will likely be very expensive last minute) or stay .....whichever suits you best

catmg · 14/10/2022 21:16

Stay. Its one more night. The fall out from you leaving early will be much worse than the one more night of eggshells.

It does sound really difficult though!

Summerfun54321 · 14/10/2022 21:49

Yeah go home, no one needs that drama. Your mum sounds like she never learnt to deal with emotions.

Badger1970 · 14/10/2022 21:57

They're not used to arranging their days around a young toddler, it's not personal. And were probably tired from a disturbed night. You're used to it, they're not.

Take a deep breath, and find the middle ground. It's not worth falling out over.

Bestcatmum · 14/10/2022 22:00

Why do you go on these appalling family holidays. Id go mad in 5 minutes.

Untitledsquatboulder · 14/10/2022 22:07

Unless you want a big bust up with your family stay the last day. Be robust about centring your ds though, routine, sleep and mealtimes are really important with little ones. Sorry that your family are being so ridiculously unhelpful.

Lollypop701 · 14/10/2022 22:15

They’ve completely put rose colour glasses on… you slept/woke/ate/ played perfectly on schedule to whatever activity they wanted to do!!! . So dgc will do absolutely the same. You probably did, as they centred it all around you at the time, they’ve just forgotten that bit . Now you need to accept it’s true for you, but they can’t see it. Do what you need to do, tell them they can come or you will see them later. Later will involve a lovely child who has done child activities and has slept. Don’t go on holiday with them til kids are 21… weekends with monetary bribes to kids to behave from 16 are acceptable

DSGR · 14/10/2022 22:16

I also think you need to stay. You’re having a tough time and they aren’t helping. Though actually they were trying to help in the night. If what they’re planning isn’t suitable then tell them you won’t be able to manage it with the pram. But food times don’t have to be set in stone.. take a packed lunch, take snacks

Blueeyedgirl21 · 14/10/2022 22:21

Can you just carry ds’s food with you, and feed him whilst you’re out? Its easier than being like ‘let’s find a restaurant/ cafe right now, ds needs to eat’ - you could take a sandwich, fruit, baby crisps, a pot of Cheerios or whatever out with you in a backpack and a cup of water, and then you can be like ‘whilst you guys go and take
some pics I’m just going to give ds his packed lunch’, on a bench or whatever, they can’t say you’re being unreasonable to do that, plus kids don’t need to sit down at a table with a hot meal every single day a few days on hols of picnics etc won’t harm him

also it does sound difficult that he won’t walk far but also doesn’t like the pram - what do you do at home?? Have you got a carrier or could you take it in turns doing shoulder ride carrying or whatever ? It must really limit what you can do if you don’t take a pram and ds won’t walk? Could you go and do a boat trip or something to make it easier for the last day ?

SimonaRazowska · 14/10/2022 22:30

Stick it out

Then never again!

mondaytosunday · 14/10/2022 22:48

I'm amazed that adults children go on holiday with their parents - and here's a perfect illustration why. You don't need to be glued together - it seems I were my reasonable for you to do a child friendly activity if they want to something that is not.
And giving you the silent treatment- how petty and immature is that!

Original poster

Hellosunshine2022 · 14/10/2022 23:03

Thank you all for your replies - think I will stick it out!

To clarify I do take a picnic with us during the day but DS often doesn’t eat much/ well when we are out for the day as he is distracted so I try and be home for 5.30/ 6 so I can give him dinner then bath and bed. I have said that no one else needs to come back with me and they can carry on doing activities which they have done but they view this as me not wanting to spend time with them.

DS only started walking two months ago, does walk but likes to stop often, pick up stones, also likes to be carried every now and then etc My parents like to go on walks that are at least 2 miles long and think DS should tolerate sitting in him pram for hours or walk without stopping. They are constantly telling him to hurry up. It’s very difficult, I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea to join them on holiday!

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/10/2022 23:19

They sound very inflexible and touchy. Even when I didnt have kids or know many people with kids, if I had the odd friend with kids staying with us, I was vaguely aware that 1. A lot of young kids need routine 2. We would need to do some kid friendly activities and 3. If we messed up the routine or didnt do anything the kids thought was fun, the weekend could be ruined by screaming grumpy toddlers.

I think it's not very kind of them to accuse you of not wanting to spend time with them because you don't want to drag an 18 month old on a 2 hour walk, when they have seen for themselves that he doesn't enjoy it.

I think organise your own day around your son and tell them that youd really love them to join you and then try and not let their reaction bother you (easier said than done!)

HundredMilesAnHour · 14/10/2022 23:28

My parents like to go on walks that are at least 2 miles long and think DS should tolerate sitting in him pram for hours or walk without stopping.

2 miles isn't exactly a long walk. It's 40 mins walking time for an adult. You made it sound like they want to be walking for hours every day.

I think you're being a bit unfair expecting your child's needs to dictate a group of adults' entire holiday.

Hellopello · 14/10/2022 23:34

Hope you have a far better day with 18 month old Ds and family and you have a lovely break ignoring any ( ridiculous) family tension.

I had two children who, once they learnt to walk, no longer liked to go in pram making longer walks difficult, and I also had two children who were happy to still be in pram, as well as independently walking without pram.

Afterfire · 14/10/2022 23:45

They sound awful. They’re expecting you to bend without them bending at all. Sod that. I’d go home.

Sceptre86 · 14/10/2022 23:47

Stick it out and then never again. We've always gone out to UK holidays with our kids but we learnt quite early on with ours that if we were out in the day we had to be back at the hotel by their normal dinner time so we could give them time to relax and stick to their evening routine. Otherwise we had unsettled kids up half the night and a general shitshow.

They've forgotten what it's like with young kids out of their routine. This is why I would never go on holiday with my parents, mine would be mindful of my kids routines but would want to eat out later and in fancy places where the kids wouldn't be welcomed. It would be stressful around so I'd rather not bother.

TooHotToRamble · 15/10/2022 00:02

Blueeyedgirl21 · 14/10/2022 22:21

This.

2 miles is not far at all, and you are making a rod for your own back with your strict routine, children are much more flexible and adaptable than you are giving them credit for. And the routine doesn't seem to be working that well if he's not sleeping! I am not surprised your parents are frustrated, I would be eye rolling inwardly I have to say. I wouldn't forgo a nap for a child, but one minute you say you will fit round activities and that he will sleep in the car or pram, but then he doesn't like the pram? Which is it? And he won't eat when you are out, so you have to go home just so he eats!?! A child will eat if they are hungry, you don't need to fuss about it. Just take something with you and feed when out and about. If he's out walking and in the fresh air for a good chunk of the day he will likely sleep much better.

been and done it. · 15/10/2022 00:37

To be honest I think you all sound a bit rigid...I've taken my children on various holidays with parents and friends who don't have children and never had a huge problem over days out

feeding walking activities...you just adapt nothing is written in stone lots of fresh air and activities and the children usually fall into bed.

MooseBreath · 15/10/2022 11:56

I've had this issue before in my in-laws. A toddler works around a schedule for a reason. In my case, we were trying to be flexible (nap had to start between 12 and 2 and he will not sleep in a pram, lunch had to be between 11 and 1), and we needed to be back to our room no later than 6 to get DS his dinner, bath, and bed. We made it clear that everyone was welcome to carry on without us, but DS needed these things. In-laws didn't make any concessions and would often opt to start a 4 hour outing at 11 (and want to stop for a sit-down lunch around 2 in a restaurant), which obviously doesn't work with a toddler. Then of course, we'd be told that when DH was young, he'd just eat whenever and sleep in the pram. Lucky them.

I wouldn't leave, but I would do what's best for your DC. If that means leaving activities early, that's what you've got to do. It sucks!

Darbs76 · 15/10/2022 12:19

Agree 2 miles is not a long walk. Will he not nap in the pushchair when you’re walking. It can be hard for others when babies are in strict routines. Probably better to avoid holidays with them whilst they kids are young and need naps etc

Goldbar · 15/10/2022 13:05

OK... so in this sort of situation, what I've generally done is packed my DC off with my parents or PIL and let them do things their way and deal with the resulting tantrums/meltdowns. While I've stayed home and had a rest. Everyone soon learnt that some minor adjustments meant that we'd all have a much better time. That's assuming you trust your parents to care for your DS though... A sort of 'you break it, you fix it' approach.

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