To think it is possible to have an expressed thought/opinion

[trustyrustie]

I find quite often that I can be speaking to people who I know, maybe work colleagues or school moms or even friends, and they will say something derogatory about something that they know I have/like/do/I’m interested in.

For example

I wouldn’t buy a caravan more
i’m 10 years old because they just give me the ick… my Caravan is 14 years old

everyone knows that audi drivers don’t know where the indicators are… I drive an Audi

if you have cats and you let them out then that is neglectful and you should be reported to the RSPCA… I have cats and let them out

I don’t really see the point in spending all the extra money on a detached house when you are stuck in a massive mortgage with a load of snobby neighbours… I own a detached house

I can’t think of anything worse than going on a city break… I’m going to Paris for my anniversary

I think these are all very valid and personal opinions to the people that hold them but I don’t understand why people feel the need to express those opinions at you when they know that you think and feel the opposite. I’m unsure what they are trying to achieve.

AIBU?

[trustyrustie]

Sorry, that should say unexpressed thought

[TheCatsPyjamas1]

Of course it is! Sorry you’re having to deal with this, I’ve had it before from family/friends and it’s not particularly nice, I agree.

Perhaps they’re just quite direct and open about their thoughts (some people can be and don’t mean any harm by it), or perhaps they’re being a bit nasty. It’s hard to tell without further context, and sometimes it’s just hard to tell, full stop.

If it’s just a one-off comment from them, it can be easier to deal with them I guess, but I totally understand it’s not nice to hear. And if they regularly make these sorts of comments, that can get pretty draining and impossible to handle.

Do you like spending time with the people who make these comments? If so, are you able to put the comments behind you and shrug them off (so much easier said than done, I know!) Or do you feel comfortable telling them how your comment made you feel? (Again, also easier said than done!)

[Creescendo]

I have had these sort of comments too from people. I gave this a lot of thought and came to the conclusion that because I am a quiet, introverted person I am perceived as being too passive to push back on such comments.

And yes, these comments are rude. I have friends who like camping with their caravan (not my thing) but I would never make derogatory comments about their hobby. They like it. I can be happy for them. No need to get all superior with "Oh, how can you like such a thing..."

These comments are subtle put-downs. They are trying to make you doubt your own likes and preferences.

Now that I am older and wiser I push back on such comments. A hard stare and and a firm reply to the extend of "but I like it - you don't have to". This usually shuts them up. Don't be shy. Once you push back a couple of times, the comments will stop. People don't like being called out on their rudeness.

Best of luck to you!

[PoundOfNesh]

Do all these people know your pet habits?

People often suffer from foot in mouth disease, I still cringe at the time a car colour conversation came up at work, I gave my opinion (an oddly strong one) about hating white cars. We went out at lunch and I nearly died getting into my coworkers new white car he picked up at the weekend

I understand why you think it’s a bit of a dig, have felt the same myself when has happened with friends, but I then give my head a wobble and remember I’ve done it so it’s easily done.

[PoundOfNesh]

@Creescendo

I have had these sort of comments too from people. I gave this a lot of thought and came to the conclusion that because I am a quiet, introverted person I am perceived as being too passive to push back on such comments.

And yes, these comments are rude. I have friends who like camping with their caravan (not my thing) but I would never make derogatory comments about their hobby. They like it. I can be happy for them. No need to get all superior with "Oh, how can you like such a thing..."

These comments are subtle put-downs. They are trying to make you doubt your own likes and preferences.

Now that I am older and wiser I push back on such comments. A hard stare and and a firm reply to the extend of "but I like it - you don't have to". This usually shuts them up. Don't be shy. Once you push back a couple of times, the comments will stop. People don't like being called out on their rudeness.

Best of luck to you!

But they’re not putting down the OPs choices.

the post reads as if it’s not a conversation where the OP says ‘I love chocolate’ and someone directly replies with ‘oh how can you like chocolate’

more a case of the OP liking chocolate and being seen often eating it, then someone says randomly ‘I don’t understand why people enjoy chocolate’

[YellowTreeHouse]

YABU. They aren’t going to remember the small details of your life nor are they going to think about them immediately before speaking.

Nor should they. If you are happy with and confident in your life choices what does it matter what anyone else thinks?

[Ekátn]

It depends. The caravan comment, I imagine people aren’t even thinking about your caravan or it’s age. They are expressing an opinion forgetting that some will have done the things they are saying they would never do. Same with your cat and a trip to Paris for example.

I mean I am sat in my Dads caravan and couldn’t tell you how old it is.

I always avoid talking about most of these things because everyone is different. I wouldn’t go on a city break, but wouldn’t show distain for them. So they may not be thinking but I doubt it’s aimed AT you. Especially if it’s lots of different people doing it.

[coffeeisthebest]

Yes I sometimes wonder about this same issue OP but then also I think that mostly people just don't remember details like that about each other, they are literally just spouting the first thing that comes into their heads. If you like them otherwise then try and let it go, if you are not so keen then maybe use it as an opportunity to make some new friends.

[FictionalCharacter]

You say they know these things about you, so if they are doing this deliberately they’re twats. I agree with @Creescendo - if you say you’re going on a city break and they sneer that they can’t think of anything worse, say cheerfully “that’s OK, I wasn’t going to invite you! Haha!” and so on. If they’re bullies doing this to get at you, they’ll stop if they don’t get the response from you they want.

[Whatatimetobealivetoday]

I would say you are taking it too personally, these are opportunities for a bit of a laugh or to put them in their place.

e.g er you cheeky git i’m an Audi driver

or oooh I love city breaks, I really love culture and travel and couldn’t stand sitting on the beach all day

or, well I think people who keep their cats in should be reported to the RSPCA

etc

[thistimelastweek]

I am so guilty of this sort of tactlessness.

These are just throwaway remarks; conversation fodder with no thought to the exact preferences or circumstances of those present.

I'm not deliberately unkind I just don't always think it through .

I often cringe when I replay stuff in my head so please don't think stuff like this is personal. It's probably just a prat like me.

[Sirzy]

Sounds like your looking for reason to be offended to be honest.

m my partner drives an Audi, even he takes the piss about Audi driver stereotypes (and hgv ones as that’s his other vehicle!)