I completely get where you’re coming from OP. We are in the same boat with our one DD, who also has no cousins and very little extended family. We are ‘one and done’ largely by choice (DD was carefully planned and we still see many upsides to having an just the one child), but also partly due to age and some medical issues on my side that would make a second pregnancy quite a risky undertaking.
It’s weird, though, that despite the tumbling birth rate and lots of stuff in the media about small families increasingly being the norm, I’m not seeing this borne out around me at all - everyone else I know either has or wants two, and social networks often tend to be built around having that as a model - lots of parents bonding over how tough it is with a school-aged child and a toddler etc.
It sounds like we’re in a slightly better position than you because we are well established where we live, have a strong local network and DD started school with a group of children she already knew. We chose the school in large part because of its strong community ethos and active PTA - there’s loads going on, and people do get that bit more involved than at some of our other local schools. It’s also a church school, and although we’re not actually religious ourselves we have found that it seems to attract a type of person who values community and a
But even so, I can definitely identify with the ‘insular’ thing. I do get a general sense that people are increasingly tending to retreat more into family groups, and are wary of being open and developing new friendships. I think it’s partly a hangover from the pandemic and the distrust of others that was instilled in us during that time, partly the many stresses of life at the moment meaning that people have limited head space for anything outside their nuclear family, and partly because many people have little money to spare and can’t afford to socialise as they used to (but are often too proud to admit to this).
We’re currently organising a party for DD’s 5th birthday. We’re fortunate in that we can share the party with a couple of children in the class who we met via NCT, so it’s a joint effort. But we sent the invitations out to DD’s whole class last week, and so far we’ve only had 3 replies out of 30 saying they can come - and they’re from the same few parents who tend to involve themselves in everything. It’s not a problem, as we have other friends and neighbours who can come, but I do worry a little that this is the way it’s going to be throughout DD’s school career.
I have to admit that the insularity and misanthropy that I’ve noticed around me over the past several years has made me regret our decision to stick at one (particularly given the lack of cousins etc) and if I had my time again I might be more inclined to start a family earlier and try to provide a sibling for DD (despite all my other instincts telling me that this would not be the optimal choice for us in lots of other ways).