OK, don't beat me, but.................

[minouminou]

The flat's been on the market for 2 months now (although not much action), and DP STILL hasn't told his folks we're moving.
Quick background: they're in Bosham (near Chichester), and we're moving to Saddleworth (near Manchester). Put an offer in on a place up there.
DP's folks are in mid-60's, but both fit as fiddles, but they will be upset at us moving and taking DS (1st and only GC) with us, as it'll mean we'll be further away (no-brainer, there).
DP wans to leave it until it's a done deal!
i'm like, errrrrrrrrr .
Been bugging him to tell them, and it's "oooh, after Xmas, after this, after that etc.
Soooooooooo, I've asked a more distant relative who knows but has so far been keeping schtum to drop a bollock over the phone to them and let the news slip.
Just to get it over and done with. If i tell them, DP'll go spare, as i've said i'll leave it up to him, but i really feel he's wrong to keep them in the dark.
They should be told, but if i do it, as well, they'll wonder why i've waited so long.
Chew me out if you wanna.....i'm usually dead direct about things, as i hate being kept in the dark, and don't like having to keep this a secret, so our rellie's "slip" sometime soon is a good way, rather than DP telling them in, say, May, when we've got a moving date.

I live near Saddleworth - lovely place. Invite them to tea and leave the rest up to him. General reminders like dirty looks, winking, and furtive whispering may be needed

thanks for advice, but all that will just be ignored!
My usual tactics are rather less subtle, but with this issue, i'm having to get sneaky, as it's thorny.

Ah, so your dp is adopting the "put my head in the sand and it will all just go away appraoch...."

My dh does that. Drives me nuts. Just tell them!! And he is being a bit immature (sorry), so someone has to do the FAIR thing in telling them. How hurt will they be to hear it from someone else, or when they find out you have been planning it for ages? They may be happy to have somewhere else to go.

Good Luck!

he isn't being immature as much as a great big wuss. compared to some of the gits we hear about on here, he's a dream DP, it's just that every now and then, he just gets it into his head that he knows best, and he just won't budge, and it's often on issues where people may be upset
he lost his brother 8 years ago (leukemia),and so he's worried about them feeling they're losing their remaining son and GS.
i know they're tougher than this, and that they'll be more hurt at the secrecy.
the move means they can stay for days at a time (current flat too small), rather than fleeting visits/hotel stays etc
they know we're going, anyway, they've been fishing (i'm from saddleworth (or "saddlesworth" as they'll have it) and they've dropped some heavy hints lately about me returning)
bloody hell!
i'd've just said "yeah, we are", but after several weeks of being on the market?

ah men eh?

mine was a bit like this. DS3 had to spend 4 days in hospital earlier this year and DH didn't tell his parents becaue "there was nothing they could have done...." (they had their other grandchildren staying with them)

MIL has said very often to me since "I wish we'd known..." to me - err... not my fault - I was stuck in hospital with a baby, your darling son should have told you.

Your DH really needs to tell them - they will be very hurt - more so at the secrecy I should think

actually, i should've asked.........
AIBU for formulating my new labour-style leak using rellie as a (potential) fall guy (he's quite willing, as he, like me, is more objective and doesn't think all hell will break loose)
or should i just bite the bullet already?
gotta say in advance, though, there is NO. POINT. WHATSOEVER. in asking DP to do it, as HE. JUST. WON'T.
Caps aren't me shouting, BTW, it's the sound of my head hitting a brick wall. repeatedly.
d'ya know what, P'duck, left to his own devices, he'll probably never tell them........it'll just be "yeah, we're up at Minou's mum's house in saddleworth again this weekend, come on up again. her mum's away, again.
Yes, she does have all the same books and the same taste in furniture as Minou, doesn't she?
i'm only half-joking, too.

now that the flat's been on the market for so long, it will be the secrecy that'll be the killer now, yes.
Hope your DS is ok now, tommy.
Thankfully, i won't get any blame for not telling them, as they know i'm direct, and also, i don't do DP's social/family stuff (i have used the line "he wants to pay me £30k a year, i'll be his PA, but he doesn't, so he can remember birthdays by himself").
However, it may be my fault for being so northern.............

I'm in a similar situation with some news that is going to come out eventually, but is made worse for being hidden.
Some guys just won't budge - and some are too scared of the emotional fall out from giving bad news - but at the end of the day he is making it worse.

If I were you I'd tell them and if he has a go, just say it "just came out" as you've found it "so stressful to keep things hidden" you must've "subconsciously" wanted it to be in the open.

PS if there's been no action you can say that you've only just come on the market.

They might've seen the listing while checking out house prices in your area out of curiosity or something...

you could tell them you put it on "speculatively" to see what kind of offers you were getting before making up your mind.