AIBU?
I want guarantees
Insecure333 · 13/10/2022 22:19
Hi all
I'm living with my partner of 11 yrs. We met while both newly divorced. We had a rough patch with her 2 children resulting in me moving out 4 yrs ago. We were still together but I wouldn't live with 1 of her children. She eventually cheated with the builder (no pun) and ended our relationship abruptly, no contact, nothing.
6 months later I saw her, discussed what had happened etc. I moved back in that night as his stuff was moving out.
We carried on where we left of and all was great . But now I'm feeling insecure about the fact my partner could 'throw me out tomorrow ' It's really playing on my mind.
We've spoken about it and she is happy to put me on the deeds for a 20% stake in the property ( we're both mortgage free homeowners, mine rented paying towards our living expenses) in light of all the time love sweat and money I've invested in our home. This would enable me to resetle if she predeceases me and her children want there rightful inheritance.
But I'm after a guarantee to not be thrown out of our home in the meantime. How is this possible ? Any ideas please.
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
scorpiogirly · 13/10/2022 22:45
She cheated with the builder. I wouldn't have gone back.
Insecure333 · 13/10/2022 23:34
I love her. He gaslighted her. I forgave her. Just want some form of guarantee, not even sure what. Am I mad?
JRHartly · 14/10/2022 00:03
Why don’t you just pay half the bills and food? How much do you pay?
You both own your own homes so you shouldn’t be paying rent.
SMabbutt · 14/10/2022 01:30
I don't understand why you need a 20% stake in her home in case she pre-deceases you. Why can't you just resettle in your own home? Plus, you may have put time and money in to her house because you are living there, but equally you wouldn't be getting rent on your own property if she wasn't making her property available for you to live in.
Suppose you reversed the situation and you all moved in to your home. Would you think it reasonable for her to get a 20% stake in your property because she helped to maintain it while living with you, but was receiving rent on her's, so getting additional income, but giving you no stake in it?
Pixiedust1234 · 14/10/2022 01:41
So the original problem with the dc is resolved too? What happened to the house you were living in, and why can't you use that?
altmember · 14/10/2022 01:58
...in light of all the time love sweat and money I've invested in our home.
What about all the time love sweat and money that the other man invested in your home? Sounds like she's just using men to get her house renovated on the cheap! I wouldn't trust her not do the same thing next time a tradesman is required. I can't believe you literally moved back in the same day the other bloke was moving out.
ViolinPin · 14/10/2022 02:12
How did this man gaslight her ?
Seriously it sounds as though as a pp said she's using men to keep up the renovations on her home.
So it depends how much you have invested in her home, I mean does that extend to normal upkeep, or bigger things such as new roof, extensions, in that case I can see your point but otherwise just stick to sorting out your home and she does the same. Monies are kept seperate.
Just be careful who she employs.
UnderCoverFieldAgent · 14/10/2022 05:17
Couldn’t she just give you a life interest in the home? You don’t actually own it but you can’t be thrown out and it will only be sold once you die. She has to write it in her will.
MintJulia · 14/10/2022 05:41
UnderCoverFieldAgent · 14/10/2022 05:17
Couldn’t she just give you a life interest in the home? You don’t actually own it but you can’t be thrown out and it will only be sold once you die. She has to write it in her will.
This is the normal arrangement. You already own a house. Why do you need 20% of hers as well.
You clearly don't trust each other. And if she has another affair, you should want to leave. If you own 20% will you want to pay 20% of the upkeep while she's living there with her new lover?
It all sounds very dysfunctional.
girlmom21 · 14/10/2022 06:11
I would just leave the relationship now. Imagine demanding a stake in a property just in case 
you clearly know it'll end.
EstellaRijnveld · 14/10/2022 06:19
You already own a house and your partner's house is her children's inheritance. You're being grabby wanting a 20% stake in it, you can easily move back into your own property. To make it equal, are you also offering your partner a 20% stake in your own property?
EstellaRijnveld · 14/10/2022 06:20
Insecure333 · 13/10/2022 23:34
I love her. He gaslighted her. I forgave her. Just want some form of guarantee, not even sure what. Am I mad?
No, not mad just greedy.
Ekátn · 14/10/2022 06:43
You have a house but want 20% of hers? Are you giving her 20% of yours?
I think you both sound ridiculous.
You moved in as her ex moved out? What is wrong with you? Get some self respect. She cheated on you. Then met up with you, went home, told him to leave while you went and got your stuff?
She cheated. He didn’t trick her into cheating.
You sound no better than him, trying to manipulate part of her home as some sort of guarantee because you know you don’t trust her.
Not sure what’s worse. If this is real or if some gets entertainment about making up that their life is so shit and that they want to force their partner into giving them a financial interest in the hope they don’t cheat again.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.