To think I need to let go but not know how?’

[Oogabooga123]

Was with EXDP for 15 years, from teens until now (30’s)

I kicked him out on New Year’s Eve, had just had enough of his general behaviour, he hasn’t changed but I have and all that crap.

and for 9 months I was quite happy with my decision, he kept proving to me time and time again that he hasn’t changed and that my decision was right.

and then he met someone, and I hated it, as I was incredibly jealous. The whole I don’t want him but no one else can have him type thing.

had a few drinks when he was here seeing the kids one evening and ending up sleeping with him,

and have done a few times since aswell… I think I miss the sex and intimacy side.

but tonight he’s basically said he really liked this woman and has put it on the back burner for me and what did I actually want.

tbh I don’t want to live with him, love spending time with him when the kids aren’t around but also love being alone. Eldest DD has been aware of a lot of his shitty behaviour and over the years and doesn’t want him around, youngest 2 adore him. Very hard to have a clean break when we have a disabled child who needs a lot of care so still spending a lot of time together.

so I know I need to let go and honestly don’t know how to, he has had previous relationships break down and moved on etc but I’ve only ever known him and am finding it really hard and no idea what my question is but felt like I needed to write it all down!!

And this morning he has take the mornin g off work, no idea why, didn’t say, but I bloody hate not knowing things so now obviously I’m just dying to know where he is and what he is doing

Right so you don’t want him, but you don’t want him to be happy with anyone else either? That may be a natural reaction but it’s also a very cruel way to behave. You need to either get back together and forgive him for not being whoever it is you want him to be - or you need to stop sleeping/flirting with him.

Recognise that yours is a common emotion - Cher Lloyd’s song “I Want You Back” is entitely about this feeling, maybe watch the video - but Cher’s song is aimed at teenagers and you’re an adult.

Let him go and let him move on.

yabu, lots of people have clean breaks from people they were in a relationship for many, many years. You have no reason to spend amounts of time together where you can ending up sleeping together.

You do need to let go. This is just getting messy. You’re not a bad person for still feeling a bit jealous - but he has already said he likes the other woman.

You need to cut all contact other than talking about the kids. Stop letting him come over and spend time with you. You need to allow yourself some time to get over him, because right now you are unable too!

The reality is, he isn’t going to change, your relationship probably isn’t going to work out. You’re wasting valuable time on this