Could you move past this?

[Mrrockandroll]

I'm feeling very conflicted at the moment.

Been friends since we were kids. So quite a long time and I don't want to end the friendship but at the same time I think, this isn't a friend and I should just let the friendship fade out.

My brother died recently. He brought me up & we were very close. She made some awful comments to me shortly after he died about him making bad choices, his illness being bullshit and something else, worse, but it's too outing.

I was really upset and came off the call crying. She was too drunk to notice.

I brought it up with her a few days later and she aplogised.

But I am really struggeling to move on from her comments though.

She never sent flowers or a card, i know she doesnt have to but i just felt abit hurt that she didnt really acknowledge my grief. (Apart from when she was comparing it to her break up) She didn't attend the funeral as she couldnt get time off. The day after the funeral was my birthday and she didn't acknowledge it.

I'm nearly 5 months in and things are really hard. I feel really down, i miss him so much and I am having terrible nightmares. (She knows this but doesn't really say much apart from, try to put a brave face on & It will get better ). I have sought help.

I haven't really been in contact with her much recently because I'm finding it difficult to move past this. I don't know if it's.just the way I'm feeling the now though that is making it seem worse than it is.

Could you move on from this? Would you be hurt by all this?

So sorry for your loss ❤️ You deserve kind friends. This one isn't. I'd get rid

It's so hard isn't it. My dad died a year ago and my oldest childhood friend didn't send a card or flowers and only rang once. In fact my own mother didn't even bring a card or call after the funeral (they were long divorced). It's very hurtful. I have let the friendship slide and I'll never forget it. I'd either talk to your friend to see her side of things or else let things slide. Doesn't make it easy though and you will never forget.

@Mrrockandroll I know you aren’t asking for advice on nightmares but I’ll share my experience of that with you anyway in case it helps. I had a significantly stressful and traumatic experience and started suffering from very extreme nightmares and ( thanks to a thread on here I was able to identify this) sleep paralysis. Truly the most terrifying stuff.

I had a lot of counselling around PTSD and I felt better in most ways but the nightmares continued. My therapist suggested EMDR and it helped enormously and within a few weeks. I think I only had about 3 sessions before I felt I didn’t need any more.

Do consider asking your GP if you think this could be relevant. And once again, ditch the friend. Some things there’s no going back. 💐

It truly is.

It's not a saying for nothing.

It rarely happens that someone doesn't get a surprise at who steps up and who steps back.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Going forward invest in those who want to be a support, not those who would crush you further when suffering such a devastating loss.

Clearly your brother was a wonderful human being who's memory will live on in your loving heart.

@Newuser82 I just don't get it. I don't get how it doesn't register with people, not just people, but close friends, and in your case your own Mum, that the death of someone close you is a massive life event and its an awful thing to go through and for close friends to not acknowledge it and be supportive is just beyond me. I just couldn't imagine doing that to anyone. Maybe it's their true personalities showing through.

@MatildaTheCat thank you for this.

So sorry for your loss. This person has behaved horribly. No, I wouldn’t be able to get past this.
I dropped a friend long ago for less than this - I realised quite suddenly that she was a taker, completely selfish and quite nasty, and that over many years she had used me and never even been kind in return. I’m sorry this person has hurt you so badly. It’s painful to be treated like that by someone you thought was a friend.

Oh bless you
I'm so so sorry for your loss and I hope you are supported elsewhere in your life by lovely ,loving people who care about you.
Please walk away from this awful person x

Sending hugs to you. I lostvmy husband very suddenly 5 years ago. I haven't seen or heard of many so called friends since. You soon find out who your true friends are when something like this happens.

Ditch your 'friend"

Sorry for your loss xx

@Mrrockandroll it's unbelievable really. It's just so against the way that I would behave I can't get my head around it! I'm so sorry about your brother x

@FictionalCharacter weirdly enough my friend is pretty much the same as what yours was and I am only coming to realise this now after many many years of friendship.