To NOT contact the dentist practice manager for DH?

[CryCeratops]

So, it’s a dental practice that does both NHS and private dental work.

The NHS side of the dental practice completely stopped doing routine check ups for adult patients during the first lockdown, and only started letting adult patients make appointments for checkups about 3 months ago (check up appointments for children continued as normal).

When we found out that adults could once more make appointments to see their NHS dentist, I rang up and booked myself in. DH said that he would sort out his own appointment so I left him to it. DH’s working pattern means he usually has a weekday off work, so he’s got time to do this stuff himself.

I had my check up today, and DH asked me this morning if I would get him an appointment while I was there.

Unfortunately, DH has been deregistered. The last time he went for a check up was September 2016, and when the dental practice started doing NHS work again after Covid, they decided on a cut off of January 2018 for the last appointment date. They’ve also closed the waiting list for registering with an NHS dentist because there’s a massive demand for NHS dentists and their waiting list had too many people on it. The receptionist says DH will have had letters reminding him to make appointments for checkups. They’ll let him have a private check up, but not an NHS one.

Messaged DH and he is outraged. There’s been an angry phone call, a lot of ranting on WhatsApp, and he wants me to go into the dental practice tomorrow, demand to see the practice manager, and complain about the awfulness of it all until they agree to give him an NHS appointment.

I don’t want to get involved. If DH starts kicking up a fuss, I do not want to get caught in the middle and end up deregistered too.
I’m still registered with the NHS dentist, and my check up today picked up a disturbing number of problems that are going to need at least 6 more dental appointments to sort out. It’d cost a fortune if I had to have it done privately.
Plus I don’t think DH has much of a leg to stand on here. Although he’s not in much of a mood to admit that right now.

So AIBU to keep out of this and tell DH that if he wants to complain to the practice manager he’ll have to do it himself?

He can absolutely do it himself.

Yanbu at ALL. Surely they aren’t even allowed to discuss these issues with you anyway due to patient confidentiality. He’s a grown man! He can deal with this himself

Of course you are not unreasonable but maybe it would be easier for you if you told him you tried but they wouldn’t discuss it with you because confidentiality, and he will have to talk to them directly?

You’re not his support human.
If he thinks he has a case, of course he needs to make that case himself.

He is an adult, he can sort his own issues. I have worked in the medical field for many years and nothing annoys me more than all the wives calling to schedule/reschedule/sort problems for their husbands as if the husband is just another child. He would have far more luck with me coming to speak to me himself than if he sends his wife to fix it for him.

As she already said, he will have had reminders that he ignored, and he is no longer a current patient. That's on him.

Why on earth should you do it? What's it to do with you?

I don’t think DH will believe that patient confidentiality is a problem, because he knows they’ve already given me those details about his last appointment date.

Shame I didn’t think of that argument sooner though!

I regularly nag remind my husband about dental and medical checkups.
But this is where I draw the line.
He is an adult.

He knows what to do.

I made an appointment for DH when I had my check up. I would draw the line at this though.

I should have drawn the line and that to be fair.

Of course you’re not unreasonable. How is it YOUR problem?

He's not been since 2016 and thinks it's THEIR fault he's been deregistered? Yeah that's a hard no the practice manager can tell him to his face how daft he is, no need to waste your time as well. Shame to waste theirs really

He should absolutely do it himself but I wouldn't encourage it as it could lead to you and your entire family being deregistered if they feel his response warrants it.

It wasn’t possible for any adult to get an NHS check up at this dental practice from March 2020 until a few months ago.

But it looks to me like the dental practice have taken reasonable account of that with their Jan 2018 cut off. Any NHS patient who didn’t meet that cut off would have been at least 2 years and 2 months past their previous check up when Covid and the first lockdown hit.

Oh that would be bad!

Do they really deregister whole families because of the behaviour of one member of the household?

It sounds fair enough to me. I rang ro book an appointment in June and the soonest they could fit me in was October. They have a massive backlog so I imagine are keen ti ditch all the NHS patients they can.

You shouldn’t have to lie or think of any argument other than ‘this is your responsibility and I’m not your mother’!

Well not on a whim or because someone mildly kicked off but the way you described your husband's reaction sounded very volatile so if he did kick off and if they think it's that serious, then yes they can.

I doubt the practice manager will even speak to him, he is no longer a patient of the practice and has not been for quite some time. They are under absolutely no obligation at all to him even if they did respond to a compliant it’ll be a couple of lines telling him he hasn’t been since 2016 and is not a patient of the practice.

If he hasn't been since 2016 then he would have been removed from their nhs book around 2 years later. I used to work in a practice and this was a general rule. He can kick up a fuss about it, but it won't get him anywhere. Yes absolutely keep out of it and let him sort it himself..they shouldn't de register you because of your partners behaviour.

You going there on his behalf would be absolutely cringe worthy. You're not his mum and he's not a child. FFS. Remind him he's a big boy now and it's his problem to deal with.

Why does he think you want to act like his mother?

So he hadn't been in four years pre covid, had ignored all of their communications but you need to fix it? Hell no its not something you can fix. Even if they put him back they will require certain assurances that aren't yours to give.

Tell him he needs to deal. You have yours and the children to deal with and thats more than enough. I bet he never booked the children in, or took them on his own?

In many dentists here would have been ditched two years after last appointment so that's totally normal, and of course you shouldn't have to have the argument for him!

Rule of thumb is that you're deregistered if you don't go at least once every 2 years. If his last appointment was 2016, he would have been deregistered st some point in 2018 anyway. Obviously they would give some leeway for 2020 to 2022. He can rant at the practice manager until he's blue in the face, he has no chance. What's the excuse for 2016 to 2020?