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To not want to pay for an expensive activity when the original plan was going to be free?

38 replies

Burnt0utMum · 13/10/2022 17:15

DSis said she had a voucher for a free meal and would I like to go with her. I asked her when and she said any day so I said it will have to be the weekend. This is because I work all week and have the kids clubs in the evenings and we live about an hour away from each other so not realistic to do during the week. She booked the day off work herself but then when she tried to book the meal, she was told it was only valid for weekdays. As she already had the day off booked, we both said we should still do something on the day instead of the meal. She is set on an activity that will cost me a lot as I'd have to pay for myself and the 2 kids, plus fuel to get there. She would just be paying for herself so easier for her to justify the cost. It's an activity she enjoys and the kids would enjoy but I would not as it very physical and I will struggle so I told her I'd just begrudge paying so much for something I wouldn't enjoy and suggested a cheaper day out such as a museum and walk around the city centre where there is plenty to see and do at low cost plus no time restriction. She currently doesn't have a car but lives right next to the city centre so this would work well for her to get there and I would only have to drive to one place and back. The activity she wants to do is further out and she's said she can get a lift there but not back, so I feel like I'll also be expected to take her home, which would be in the opposite direction for me. I've tried to explain that I don't want to do it but she just keeps sending me different deals for the same activity, mostly in locations she can't get home from or for prices I'm not willing to pay. AIBU to say she originally invited me for a free meal and, while I don't mind spending some money, I'm not spending loads on a day out I won't even enjoy and if she doesn't want to do something else then we should just forget it?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

237 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
lannistunut · 13/10/2022 19:22

Just say 'sorry, I haven't got the cash spare this month, you go and have a lovely time and we'll arrange something cheaper soon'.

Don't make a drama out of it, just say no thank you.

youhadmeatsausageroll · 13/10/2022 19:26

Just cancel and be done with it, this is such a non issue

Burnt0utMum · 13/10/2022 19:48

Ihatethenewlook · 13/10/2022 18:58

How on earth is it selfish?? The original day out was meant to be for the op and her sister, the kids weren’t even supposed to be there. Now that’s turned into her sister doing an activity with the op’s kids, which the op is not taking part in but is now expected to pay for, plus go out of her way to transport her sister. I’d be pissed off with the change of activity to one I’d like to one I’d hate, a large unexpected cost, plus the kids getting invited and taking my place in an activity which was meant to be for me!

This is exactly what I'm saying. Although I'm happy for the kids to come, this wasn't supposed to be a day for them.

OP posts:
Burnt0utMum · 13/10/2022 19:52

Bluetrews25 · 13/10/2022 19:20

So she wants you to pay for an expensive activity that you don't want to do, and be an unpaid taxi driver for her? But she will give you a lunch, from a voucher that she probably didn't pay for?
Yeah, she wanted company and transport.
There's no such thing as a free lunch, clearly.

No, I won't get the lunch at all now. I'm not sure if she's going to try to use it with someone else midweek or if it will just go to waste. That's fine, it didn't work out how she expected but I think the alternative shouldn't then be something I've told her I don't want to do.

OP posts:
Yupbutnobut · 13/10/2022 20:32

Discovereads · 13/10/2022 18:36

I think you’re being unreasonable tbh.

The activity your Dsis has picked is one that 3 out of 4 people would enjoy.

You are the only one who would “struggle” and not enjoy it so much. So it’s also probably an activity your kids wouldn’t normally get an opportunity to do.

So you are trying to turn the day out into an activity only you would enjoy.

I think that’s a bit selfish tbh.

I agree with this completely

YABU and need to get a grip. It's nice your sister wants to do something with you and your kids.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/10/2022 20:38

YANBU - paying lots to do an activity you have no interest in is not an acceptable substitute for the free meal you agreed to. Perfectly ok to say "I wouldn't enjoy that and it is also too expensive".

HunterHearstHelmsley · 13/10/2022 20:50

Surely she can cancel her annual leave? Is there any possibility you could book a week day off? I know leave is tied up for a lot of parents.

PoundOfNesh · 13/10/2022 20:50

YABU a bit

No one likes a cheapskate either

Beautiful3 · 13/10/2022 20:57

Honestly I'd reschedule. The venue, cost and people have changed. It's going to cost you extra money and you're going to be the taxi. Sounds like the only person who's going to enjoy it, will be your sister! Just say I don't fancy doing that, let me know if you want to meet up without the kids.

BlackCatTabbyCat · 13/10/2022 21:01

No one likes a cheapskate 🙄 . I can't believe someone has actually wrote that when so many people are struggling at the moment. I can't afford to do many activities at the moment and if that makes people dislike me then so be it.

Anniegetyourgun · 13/10/2022 21:14

No, nobody likes a cheapskate. So why doesn't the sister offer to cover the cost for OP, who is expected to provide taxi service as well as company at an event she isn't interested in? And the DC, of course. That's what properly devoted aunties do.

zurala · 13/10/2022 21:17

Sorry sister, this one's not for us. Why don't you go with someone else and we can catch up another time? Hope you enjoy it! Xxx then just ignore any further messages from her about it.

Burnt0utMum · 13/10/2022 21:58

PoundOfNesh · 13/10/2022 20:50

YABU a bit

No one likes a cheapskate either

Are you serious? How is it being a cheapskate to not blow a load of money for one activity? We have half term and Halloween coming up so I'm trying to think sensibly about having enough money left for then to be able to keep the kids entertained for more than just one day. Sorry I'm not made of money and can't just do expensive activities on a whim.

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