To ask for your take on this cheating experience?

[Abitlosttoday]

A friend of mine found out last year that her husband had been cheating on her. It turned out that quite a few friends and acquaintances knew about this and that this young woman the husband cheated with was only the most recent of many. My friend now thinks these women are in double figures, going back a decade or more. People have piped up after the event to tell her about other women, which seems a bit cruel to me - like maybe they should have said something at the time, and now is the time to keep quiet. Anyway, I bumped into my friend yesterday and asked how she was. She said she's struggling to process this experience, although she has started a new relationship. We live in a small town of about 15000. People know each others business. My friend feels like people knew but didn't tell her - an extra betrayal. She feels like when she suspected her husband of cheating he gaslit her. He lied about lots of other important things too.

There are children involved so no clean break is possible.

I wanted to offer support / advice but I just don't know how people go about getting over these sorts of betrayals. I assured her that I had known nothing about the cheating - I definitely would have said if I had. I did for another friend, a long time ago. What are your experiences of overcoming this sort of thing? How do women pick themselves up, learn to trust again, process all those awful times?

I have had my own awful times but I've been lucky enough never to have experienced cheating on either side.

I’m not sure what your question is so haven’t voted. Your poor friend 😢 it’s really difficult for the people implicated in this- I know my brother in law has cheated on his wife multiple times, but haven’t said anything. Not affairs but one night stand type things. In some ways I wish I had, but often the messenger is shot, so to speak. It would cause so much trouble within the family. I know I’m not the only one who knows. I pity his poor wife, as I would definitely want to know. That being said, if it did coke out now, I wouldn’t tell her that I knew all along. I agree with you that it’s cruel and unnecessary. What would it achieve other than to rub salt in the wound? I’d support her but still keep quiet.
I hope your friend recovers and meets someone who treats her better.

I think people who knew were irresponsible, especially now she’s discovered there were multiple affairs. Hope she had sexual health tests. Even for this reason alone her friends should have told her.