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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unhappy - Advice Really Appreciated!

2 replies

Blossom4538 · 12/10/2022 23:10

Posted in AIBU for traffic really.

I don’t know where to start. I’ve basically been down for a while now and feel so sad with the way my life has panned out. I also feel terrible to feel this way, as I appreciate it’s not actually that bad, I’m lucky in many ways and shouldn’t feel like this!

I feel trapped and worried my life is drifting
along and I will look back with regret, bit
dont know what I want or what to do about it! I guess I’m at that age, perhaps classic mid-life crisis, maybe hormonal too, I don’t know!

it’s been a rubbish few years for personal reasons and worries continue over certain close relatives. I also have a child with additional needs, who is amazing, but it’s hard and worrying and so exhausting!

Im married and H is a good Father and very caring.

Unfortunately, a while ago now, I started having strong feelings for another man. They are unaware (I think, although may have felt some mutual chemistry). It can never go anywhere but I just feel guilty and sad. When I found out this person recently got into a relationship with someone, I felt so sad and have been on and off for a while. It’s so irrational! When I see them (I have to regularly) I love being around them but miss them when apart for more
than a few days. Bloody stupid!

Of course, this has put doubts in my mind over my marriage, which is happy mostly, comfortable, no sex life, but hugs and affection. Is it enough? I crave more and I do find myself looking at other men when out and about. H is such an amazing man and we’ve been together forever! Im scared for the future. I did have a chat and mentioned that I feel things have changed. He seemed shocked and has been playing at being “super husband” since, being more helpful, less snappy, more DIY around house!

We have a lovely home which we are doing up and ploughing joint funds into.
I don’t work currently, have a small amount of savings, H is sole breadwinner.

im scared and don’t know how to change my life and whether any big change would be a mistake. If we were to split or do trial separation, I would miss him, most
likely end up in similar situation again and get back together. He’s a great
guy, I don’t want to be lonely but crave
more! However, I’m not young, facially not too unattractive, but my body is horrible! Single Mum of my age with a child worn additional needs.
I also find it hard to cope with SEN child on my own, as would he I think. We provide support to each other.

Its so terrible of me, I’d feel sad losing our house. I don’t know what position I’d be in really financially and home wise. I am lucky enough to perhaps be coming into some money soon which could assist.

Maybe it’s not this change I need and perhaps we need a change as a family! Don’t know what though.
Or a useful, worthwhile part time job.

id love to travel more again but my
child can’t currently and doesn’t want me away.

im already on meds for anxiety and depression which has been under control for years but I feel very low.

Long! Thanks for sticking with it!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/10/2022 23:15

Could you get a job? Would that help? Or at least talk to your GP. You sound
depressed. x

Stopthebusplease · 12/10/2022 23:48

Sounds like you might need your medication increasing for a while, or perhaps changing altogether. Do you get much exercise, as before I became disabled, when I felt low like you appear to be feeling, I found that it helped assist the depression medication to get out and walk, ideally fast enough to get your heart pumping, but if walking's not your thing, maybe try some other form of exercise, swimming, cycling, etc. As far as another man is concerned, please, do yourself a favour, I made this mistake, and the grass really ISN'T greener, particularly if your DH is as good as he sounds, and the fact that he's making even more effort since you spoke to him, suggests that he's worth sticking with. Are you menopausal, that can make a huge difference to your wish for a change of lifestyle etc. Definitely recommend a check up and chat with your GP.

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