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AIBU?

To tell you that I only bloody did it?!

45 replies

Mochachocolatte · 12/10/2022 07:17

After what feels like a lifetime of paperwork and meetings and legal battles and evidence seeking and drafting...

My Local Authority have finally conceded, ahead of tribunal, that my son needs to be in a special school!!!

I am honestly in shock. I know in reality it has been a short fight for us (he's almost 6) but if has been all-encompassing and my mental health has taken such a battering.

The LA are now consulting with a set of quite niche specialist schools - three of them I know won't accept him, two of them might, and if they don't then there is still my preferred school which has already stated they will take him and offered a space.

And I'd be happy with either of the other two anyway! So the fight is actually over. It is over! I did it!!

I don't think I have ever been so proud of myself in my life and wanted to share :)

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

167 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
5%
You are NOT being unreasonable
95%
Softplayhooray · 12/10/2022 07:50

Americano75 · 12/10/2022 07:21

What a lucky boy having such an amazing mum behind him!

100 percent this OP you should be very proud at how you've changed everything for your boy by doing this 😊

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Mochachocolatte · 12/10/2022 07:54

Thank you all so much!!

The only advice I have is to be the squeaky wheel and gather as much evidence as possible. I'm lucky I had the school on my side and that they paid for a private, trauma informed Ed Psych to come and visit him.

I asked club leaders to write evidence statements, he attended a respite provision club over the summer run by a special school who were gobsmacked he was in mainstream so I got them to write a statement too. I emailed our social workers (post adoption) every time there was an incident at home thaf concerned me and submitted these as evidence. I told his school that every time they called me to collect him early I wanted formal exclusion paperwork for evidence, and went back through my phone log to find the 18 times up until then that they had called me (in his reception year) with an illegal exclusion and submitted that as evidence.

he has no formal diagnosis but has had lots of initial appointments to get the ball rolling so submitted all of that too.

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comfortablyfrumpy · 12/10/2022 07:56

Well done! That's fantastic x

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perseverence · 12/10/2022 08:05

Total respect OP and good luck to both.

Previous poster is right though it shouldn't be a battle.

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Mochachocolatte · 12/10/2022 08:10

It definitely should not be a battle, especially when his current school are in agreement and stated several times that they couldn't meet his needs. It has infuriated me that these decisions have been made by people who have never met him, when all the professionals who have met him even briefly have said he needs this.

I'm going to finish my children's book as a passion project now that I will have some free time, and then I'm putting all of my efforts into trying to force through changes that means a LA should HAVE to observe a child in their current setting before deciding what setting would be appropriate.

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HecateandCirce · 12/10/2022 08:11

That's brilliant, OP. Well done.

But you shouldn't need to be a squeaky wheel. What happens to the kids of parents who may not speak English well? Who may have additional needs themselves? Who may be trying to hold down two jobs and who don't have the capactity to be squeaky? Who simply don't have the confidence to battle the system?

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lifeturnsonadime · 12/10/2022 08:12

Well done OP!

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Mochachocolatte · 12/10/2022 08:17

@HecateandCirce it is disgusting isn't it. I hate it. I'm a well educated, confident and capable person with just one child and I have found the whole process soul destroying. I was having suicidal thoughts over the summer holidays. There are many parents who are not in as strong a position as I am to fight for all of this. And free support services are so overstretched (is it ant surprise when something like 95% of tribunals go in the parents favour? The system is clearly broken.

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Saracen · 12/10/2022 08:22

CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is fantastic news. What a battle you must have had. Well done.

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whydoesitalwayshappentome · 12/10/2022 08:33

Congratulations. As someone who had to battle for years for a special needs school place (twice) I know what a nightmare you will have had getting to this point.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 12/10/2022 08:37

Very well done! I know just how all consuming the fight is to get appropriate provision for your child. I too am well educated and know the system but my god it brings you to your knees. You’ve been an amazing advocate for your child - now rest knowing you’ve done what’s needed.

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sashh · 12/10/2022 08:45

Well done.

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CMMM · 12/10/2022 08:58

Your son will now get the education he deserves, and clearly needs, due to your tenacity and courage. Amazing result - congratulations.

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Firecarrier · 24/10/2022 01:54

Hope you don't mind me asking but you said previously that your son had PTSD from your husbands abuse but that he was also adopted, does that mean he's not your/your husbands biological child and your husband abused him?

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TheCurseOfBoris · 24/10/2022 02:38

Well done and what a relief!
I can remember the satisfaction of a long battle coming to a satisfying conclusion. With my ASD DC, the SENCO was actually was against any diagnosis and any behavioural considerations. On my insistence they brought in the County Inclusive team (LA). They spent one day in observation and later held a meeting. I took my DM as backup. We smashed the SENCO to pieces between us. I can't ever forgive her for making my DC's life so difficult unnecessarily. I later complained about her. I was told 'off the record' that she 'fell' into the role but they knew she was missing things. She ended up taking early retirement.

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LaPerduta · 24/10/2022 03:56

Congratulations! Sorry that it had to be a battle.

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HowVeryBizarre · 24/10/2022 04:37

I think the system is designed to grind you down in the hope that you will give up so well done for your persistence and success.

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Twinsmummy1812 · 24/10/2022 05:21

well done! I hope your son loves it and thrives x

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BumbleShyBee · 24/10/2022 05:35

Amazing. Our life was so so so SO much happier, easier and enjoyable when our son was finally at the right school for him. We got our happy, confident boy back! Hope the same goes for you. Congrats to you and your boy. Wonderful news.

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Goldencarp · 24/10/2022 05:41

Been there myself. After 7 months of legal battles and an eye watering amount of solicitors fees I almost collapsed with relief when they conceded.

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