Welcome to motherhood

[Condescendingtwats]

Rant alert!

I have a baby, 7 months old. Love her to pieces and I’m really enjoying motherhood m. No complaints other than piles from pregnancy! I don’t complain about it or even have a moan.

So why why why do so many parents do this weird smug thing. Anything i say, anything at all relating to my baby, gets a reply of.. ‘welcome to motherhood’ with a smug grin or tinkly laugh. It’s so patronising and condescending.

examples:

person: bet you can’t wait to get straight home after today!
me: yeah, i gotta go grab some formula first so a detour in rush hour it looks like.
person: welcome to motherhood

person: you look exhausted!! Baby not sleeping?
me: sleeping okay but very early starts I guess
person: welcome to motherhood, you’ll always be knackered (smug grin).

person: you going to so and so party on the weekend?
me: no, DP is away and there’s no one to watch baby.
person: welcome to being a parent!

the worst one was today when I’m having simple chit chat with someone about how Ill miss the annual girls trip I take with my friends every year this time and some other person pipes up ‘well you should’ve thought about that before baby time, kiss goodbye to girls holidays for the next 18 years’

wtf?!

why oh why do people do this?

it’s always said so condescending and smug!

It was way worse when I was pregnant with the whole ‘you’ll never sleep again’ malarkey. Now the baby is here it’s like they’ve moved onto something else.

I would get it if I was moaning but I’m not. its infuriating because it’s like people want me to be upset/annoyed/regretful.

Am I being unreasonable to be so annoyed by this?

Yes it's normal standard conversation like

How are you? I'm fine thanks.

Normal, conventional conversation between people acknowledging each other's presence in normal polite society

What's more concerning is that you can't tell they're not wanting you to be upset, annoyed or regretful.

IME, it's done by other parents more in a sense of agreement or offering solidarity.

I have wondered if it's some kind of schadenfreude- they remember being absolutely miserable themselves and society gives you a green light to kind of take pleasure in going "Your turn now! Sucks to be you, lol."

Or, that they have kind of bittersweet memories of the motherhood struggles... A bit like how exercise junkies love DOMs - you complain, but you enjoy complaining because you actually take pleasure in the pain. And they assume you're enjoying it too. (I personally just find the miserable bits to be miserable and hope one day life will be happier)

They are just offering a bit of friendly solidarity. Jesus.

It’s offering solidarity, nothing more.

They are trying to relate to you or kerry you know its OK and normal to feel bogged down.

But the no holidays for 18 years remark is stupid. Of course you can go on the annual trip again.
Are you the first one in the group to have a baby?

Nah they’re being twats, I’ve not been on the end of this but totally agree with you. The smugness

It's them telling you they've been there.
Which could be a solidarity "we've all been there" or a yes, we know you're tired/busy because you're actually not the first person to have had a baby "we've all been there"

Only you know from your interactions with the people you know which it is.

Whichever it is, it's none of the things you think it is.

They're just making conversation. Don't overthink it

Different experiences? A lot of people have children without understanding the reality of raising a child and the limitations that come with it in comparison to your old life. A lot of people miss their life, by their logic, you must as well. Or perhaps they want to instigate some moaning from you.

Obviously, everyone has different expectations and circumstances, so their experience and yours is entirely your own!

PS, rereading the OP, you are the one bringing the baby into every conversation, even when the question is about something else, so yes, I'd go for it meaning "you're not the first"
Maybe try not to be a baby bore.

Yanbu.

This drives me nuts too. When I was pregnant the first time if I said my back hurt in the first half of pregnancy there'd be "wait a couple of months!". If I said I was tired (pregnancy insomnia) I'd get "wait until the baby is born!".
It is bloody crowing in my opinion.

I was never so tired as when pregnant, and my back hurt less when I got bigger. Now I keep getting told to wait for the teenage years because I said my 2.5 year old seems pretty chill.

Misery loves company.

Is there any chance that before having your baby, you were a bit... I don't know ... cringey around those who had kids? Did you make comments during your pregnancy about how baby is going to fit in to your world completely and you'll still be the same person you were before, that you don't understand why parents do this, that or the other, about how you'll never be tired because you'll sleep train your baby at 2 weeks and get it sleeping though the night? Did you ever make plans involving colleagues without taking their childcare needs into consideration?

Because I would definitely think maybe I had accidentally been a bit awful beforehand if people were making comments like this to me.