To ask friends to bring activities for their children.

[PandaOrLion]

Within our friends, we are the only ones without children, although I’m currently pregnant. It’s pretty common for us to meet up over mealtimes and usually we go to the friends house, sometimes they will cook and sometimes we’ll take food to heat up/take away.

DH and I are happy to host at ours but I usually ask friends bring something for their children to do. All children are primary school age.

Just recently, a few friends have said they won’t bring something as their children enjoy our house so much. I find this frustrating as although their children enjoy ours for the first ten mins, they then get bored. I’ve got a few childrens books and some board games I can adapt but nothing else. It ends up that I’m running hide and seek, drawing, adapted games etc and basically entertaining their children who then get bored and say they want to go home. Parents are usually watching/chatting. DH and I take it in turns to entertain children and cook.

YABU to suggest friends bring something for their child to do?

YANBU parents need to provide something for their children to do in a house that doesn’t have children

Jeez, however did we manage visiting people ‘back in the day’!!! Oh I know, a stern word to behave, perhaps the telly on (I certainly recall watching the Generation game round at someones house once with a glass of Tizer) and heaven forbid, joining in a conversation.

TV on, I agree

I'd just stick the TV on.

Honestly have no idea why I haven’t put the tv on before 😬 maybe because they’re often friends who have limited screen time?!

I’m mostly talking 4/5/6 year olds so I’ll go with a film or tv generally. Or the recorder.

My parents only ever took us to houses where there were other kids (and toys to play with).

Telly idea is the best. Something sweary though and not age appropriate, that way you're more likely to get a nice relaxing adults only lunch next time 🤣🤣

I have this with one particular friend, brings their toddler over with no toys, books, anything. We don’t have children so don’t have much to entertain them. It baffles me, every other parent we know brings a bag of stuff for their kids but when I’ve suggested it to this friend she just shrugs and says ‘no she’s fine’. She not fine she’s busy manhandling all my ornaments and gadgets cos she’s got nothing else to play with!

Hate to tell you this but even with books toys and blocks a toddler will still manhandle your stuff!

@UWhatNow

only if you don't like you carpet, furniture etc.

@PandaOrLion stop hosting!! By time they've all taken their turn you'll have a new born (squeeee) & be far too tired to host fir the next round or 10!!

your 'friends' are awful!! I hope you don't find they all just peel off when you're not running around like headless chops so they all have a good time!

Even with toys, kids will still get bored. Don’t they play with each other? And yes to sticking the telly on. Or tell the parents that they either bring stuff for their kids or you won’t invite them because you spend your time entertaining them and not relaxing with your guests.

We have friends who do this too. Their kids much older than ours so we don't have age appropriate toys and they never ever bring anything for them to do. Even a book to sit with in a corner! I don't really like having them over. The kids try to join in all our conversations and we'd really like space to have an adult conversation just for a bit, but the parents seem to think it's charming.

They can do their ‘limited screen time’ at their own houses! Either they bring something to entertain their children or the TV goes on!

We used to take those kindle fire console things that had books but also games etc. I’d specifically ask if they have anything like that they can bring otherwise suggest a film.

Their belief in limited screen time isn't your problem. It's your house and you don't have kids toys so they'll need to watch TV or a film.

If the parents aren't happy they can either host themselves or bring other toys 🤷🏻‍♀️

They sound hugely annoying. Limited screen time but can’t plan activities or remember coats and wellies? Bullshit - they just CBA and know you and your DH will do it.

Stop inviting them round. Meet up at theirs or elsewhere. Park your pregnant arse on a seat and DO. NOT. MOVE. Tell your DH he needs to practise being immovable also.

I think you need to stop doing the entertaining. You could invest in a few more age appropriate games or something if you wanted but the bottom line is that children will probably always rather a fun adult plays with them than to entertain themselves so they’ll always want that if it’s on offer. So just don’t do it. Your pregnancy provides the perfect “excuse” for you to say you can’t play with them, if you’re otherwise worried you might sound mean.

i think parents might not always take the time to think about whether it’s an imposition for you to be entertaining their kids. If you’ve done it before, they probably just think “oh OP enjoys playing with kids and I enjoy the break” and not give it much more thought. If you haven’t shown or told them you find it a drag, they won’t necessarily think you do.

They are being shit but also you're going over the top playing hide and seek.

Get some paper and some colouring pens, a few balloons, and download a film for them, that's all I'd do

Personally I'd stop actively entertaining their children and if they get bored/whiney then they have to go home early. Once that's happened a couple of times then you can just say "We don't think it's a good idea for you to come over atm since we always have to shut things down early because the kids are bored with nothing to do."

Having said that, even though DD is a preteen I have a box of various toys for younger kids as a lot of my friends have younger kids as well as having young nieces and nephews - a few books including some where's Wally type "activity" books, a couple of cheap colouring books and a box of crayons/pencils, wooden blocks, doll and a few accessories, small box of generic Lego pieces, a few hotwheels type cars and a small track, a couple of kids board games (ludo/snakes and ladders/bingo), some card games (snap/happy families/regular playing cards) etc. They don't take up a massive amount of space and I pick them up super cheaply when things are on sale (B&M £5 toy sale or look out for clearance bits in local supermarkets - Tesco were selling a lot of their own branded games/toys for £1-4 recently; my local Asda was selling a load of Disney colouring/activity books for 10p and Crayola pencils/crayon packs for as little as 50p last week so I spent about £3.50 and have enough for the next year or so etc)

Do I need to do this? No, but for the sake of about £30 it means I know there's at least a couple of things suitable for the kids to do at my house if their parents don't bring stuff, and even of they do bring things for them often the novelty of the "new toys" at my house keeps them entertained for longer.

Switch to evening only dinners, without children?

I couldn't be dealing with this level of entertainment/interaction with other people's children whilst also hosting the adults, and I love Children!

Stop inviting them during the day, and then you will at least be able to complete a whole sentence. Once your baby arrives you won't have time for this kind of indulgence of other people's offspring, and the big gatherings will probably be too much to continue in their current form anyway.

Say you would like a few childfree nights before your baby arrives. After that you will be in the same position (plus a few more toys I imagine!)

I really sympathise! We sometimes look after my DGC, who are 3 and 1.5 and therefore have a selection of age appropriate toys,

When DH’s grandkids visit (each family rarely but there are four families….) there are complaints from the older kids about “where are the toys?” “Why haven’t you got many things to play with?” DH has some health issues at the moment so I end up inventing all sorts of games to divert them so DH can talk with his kids. I’m bloody exhausted, not only caring for DH but doing everyone’s refreshments and having to be Entertainments Officer. I do ask that they bring things for the kids to do but get the same response as a PP (“They’ll be ok”) Have decided I’m not just doing it any longer 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yanbu.

Don't provide anything. Remind parents to bring something. Kids probably love it as they are being 'entertained'. Make up an excuse if necessary. Tell them you're knackered and not sleeping well and so is DH so don't have energy for the usual fun and games this time unfortunately. Tell them to bring their Switch/ tablets/ board games etc. If kids get bored and want to go home be ruthless - tell the parent that unfortunately their child is bored as they've got nothing to do so can they please take them home - now! Parents will soon learn!

As a parent I'd be mortified, but probably hand child my phone to play Pokémon on or something and next time bring them a device of their own!

I'd stop inviting those people to yours and just meet them outside for a walk or lunch. Do they ever invite you to theirs?

Ugh, I remember this aspect of pre-DC (not with friends, who had better manners, but with relatives). Watching feral children destroying my home while their parents smiled cheerfully about how much they 'enjoyed' it. And I had invested in the plastic tat. They just preferred to destroy my house.

I would arrange to meet these friends elsewhere. Loads of pubs have play equipment.

What parents mean is that kids love to turn your house upside down and rummaging your shelves and boxes while they are chatting.
I hate parents who wouldn’t like to parent their kids, such people usually are very selfish so take a closer look at your friends.
I wouldn’t meet up with them in your house: outside or go to them.

I wouldn't be doing anything beyond putting a film on for them and having snacks/drinks - you can just be feeling too tired/delicate to be acting as chief entertainer!

If you wanted to you could pick up some charity shop books/board games or colouring books/crayons to have handy, but you are in no way obliged (I'd prob do that for nieces/nephews but not for random friends kids!)

If the parents want to limit screenbtime that's not your problem 🤣 - a few hours of back to back kids TV and I bet they bring an activity next time!

Don’t forget to gift the little darlings a hundredweight of haribo star mix about 10mins before their departure with their shithouse parents.