To not like DH ex to be brought up over dinner?

[Chloefairydust]

So my partner invited one of his friends round without warning me first, he literally just turned up at the door while I’m cooking (My partner frequently forgets to tell me when he’s invited someone round🙄) . So there I am no make up on, hair all tied back messily (bed hair as I work nights), I’m literally in my scruffiest looking pyjamas and DPs mate turns up at the door. So already not in the best mood lol.

So I dish up dinner for everyone (luckily I made enough to go round!) and my partners friend is sort of looking a me (probably wondering why I look such a mess lol) and my partner compliments the meal, telling his friend that I’m a good cook and that I make really nice dinners everyday. To which his friend says “not like (ex girlfriends name) she used to burn everything remember” this is an ex from about 7 years ago who he doesn’t even talk to now🤨. It was kind of awkward.

I don’t know if I’m just being over sensitive but it just seemed a bit unnecessary to bring her up and compare her to me, even if it was meant in a complimentary manner. Makes me wonder if all men think like this and compare current partners to ex’s.

Am I being unreasonable here?

My DH doesn't talk about his exes. I mention mine occasionally and so do my friends.
I understand you don't want to hear about this but I personally wouldn't find it a big deal.

It’s makes no difference what anyone thinks. You didn’t appreciate it. That is what matters. Waste no time explaining to your dp. However, I would not like it either.

Ugh, I wouldn’t like that at all.
I think it’s really bad manners to bring up exes and would never do that.

What did you partner do / say, in the moment / later?

I think both YABU and YANBU <picks splinters out of arse>

You can't police a third party's conversational topics, ultimately. I don't think you can tell your partner, and by extension his friend, which names they can and can't mention over the crudités. Personally, I would just eyeroll and move on.

But I think YANBU at all to be pissed off that he showed up without warning, and not only that, got tucked into a meal that you'd made. And that's the far bigger imposition here IMO.

He just agreed and then quickly kind of awkwardly changed the subject, I don’t think he wanted to talk about an ex from 7 years back either…

Hmmm what would annoy me more is your partners forgetfulness that he's invited someone over. The ex thing in context doesn't sound all that bad though probably awkwardly put.

Person they both knew was a shit cook, whereas you are not. Not sure that is anything to overthink. 7 years is a long time ago to think anything other than it was a passing comment about a shared experience with someone who no longer features.

Yes this was annoying too, I think I wasn’t in the best mood because of this to start with… I have spoken to my partner about this, he’s just so forgetful, he makes plans all the time and then forgets to tell me till last minute (or in this case not at all) . It really is annoying though. I mean I would have made a bit of an effort to look more presentable had I known we were expecting company 🙄

Get a grip OP 🙄

I think I would be much more annoyed at your DP's lack of communication and assumption that you can provide dinner than a throw away comment from his mate to be honest 🤷‍♀️

If your partner is inviting people over, I would assume he would be cooking?

I think it's fine. Wouldn't bother me. He had a life before you and his friend too.

I'd be more annoyed with him inviting people over without telling me.

Awkward All Round:
Awkward for you having a random mate show up when you’re in a slob rolled out of bed PJ day
Awkward for the random mate realising you obviously were unaware he was coming and a bit shocked at dinner for 3
Awkward for your DH and you that the mate brings up an ex
Awkward again for the mate as he realise he’s put his foot in his mouth.

Id just write it off as awkwardness. Too when my DH forgets and shows up with a stray hungry mate at the door…I tell them to make up their plates and go eat in the shed (what we call the pallet palace…it’s a studio type shed my DH uses for his hobby). That way no awkward conversation and I’m not on the spot to be a gracious hostess with the mostess.

You're annoyed about the wrong thing, imo.

A throw away comment about how I was so much a better cook than my partner's ex from almost a decade ago won't bother me at all.

Him repeatedly inviting his pals over for hors d'oeuvres that YOU cooked without so much as a by your leave, on the other hand...

I think I'd have left him to finish preparing the meal and gone for a shower.

I'd be pissed off he just invited people round and we would be having words about that.

Is his mate one of those that lives in the past/isn't very good at 'adulting' ,
OP?

I find there are some people like this who are perpetual students/youngsters. Life hasn't moved on so much for them so reliving past history tends to be the main style of conversation.

Not my favourite way to socialise at all.

OMG I need a shed for this purpose 😁

And yes it was a pretty awkward meal all round to be fair.