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AIBU?

To Not Buy School Coat

56 replies

Brookland · 11/10/2022 16:57

DD12 started secondary school. Got all new books which cost €350, school uniform was €200, fee was €150 on her first day back. My other DD14 is in the same secondary school. My DD12s year head has decided that the school jacket (with a crest) is now compulsory for new students. I never got one for DD14 as they were allowed to wear generic navy jackets. Anyway the jacket is €75.00 and I just cannot afford it as well as a normal winter coat. I wrote a note to year head explaining that I had two other children and couldn't afford the school coat. My DD12 showed her and she said "yes that's just for now though ". The next day she asked the class who had not yet got school coats and to put their hands up. My DD12 was really embarrassed. Year head asked my DD again today where her coat is, my DD12 said to ring me about it. I had told DD12 to tell her this if she asked again. Year head asked DD to ask me to write a note with my contact number and she would ring me. AIBU not to buy the coat? She has a navy one that most of the school seem to wear. They are also not allowed wear coat in school, strictly for outside.

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

192 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
7%
You are NOT being unreasonable
93%
Tiani4 · 11/10/2022 17:00

That's awful
School is being unreasonable and I would complain to governors about this as it stigmatises and discriminates against poorer families

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Maireas · 11/10/2022 17:00

What country are you in?

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Brookland · 11/10/2022 17:01

I'm in Ireland.

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Maireas · 11/10/2022 17:05

That's a very significant outlay for parents - having to buy books surprises me, that's very costly. Is it typical in Ireland to have very strict uniform rules?

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LizzieBet14 · 11/10/2022 17:05

Absolutely appalling!! Is it a private school?Did they said what the consequence was for not wearing the 'official' coat?
I'm not sure what they can do if your DD wears a plain navy coat...... I'd be tempted to take it to the school governors.

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AnApparitionQuipped · 11/10/2022 17:07

Is it a state school?

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Scarydinosaurs · 11/10/2022 17:08

Ask the school to provide one if they’re that desperate for her to wear it. That’s outrageous.

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Theopossumwasmeantforme · 11/10/2022 17:08

Blimey you have to pay for a lot! What's the €150 fee on the first day about too?

But no, definitely not unreasonable to buy the coat!

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Maireas · 11/10/2022 17:10

Also, what kind of Year Head asks a student for the parent's contact number? Surely they just look up the student details on the school system! That's really odd..

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Brookland · 11/10/2022 17:10

The majority of school both primary and secondary would have uniforms that can only be purchased from specific uniform shops. You can't buy generic skirts jumpers from tesco for example. Both girls have school tracksuits which cost €60 each and they are only permitted to wear them for their one 45 minute class per week. Some schools have book rental schemes but not all. Its not a private school. As I said I have another DD14 on secondary too and a son in primary school. The back to school costs were horrendous.

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Singleandproud · 11/10/2022 17:10

It's more concerning the head of year didn't have access to your contact details!

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Maireas · 11/10/2022 17:11

The Irish system seems very expensive - is there any support for parents who can't pay?

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Brookland · 11/10/2022 17:12

Theopossumwasmeantforme · 11/10/2022 17:08

Blimey you have to pay for a lot! What's the €150 fee on the first day about too?

But no, definitely not unreasonable to buy the coat!

The €150 is for school journal ,tie, locker and photocopying,handouts throughout the year. They won't give the kids school journal,tie or locker unless it's paid.

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Brookland · 11/10/2022 17:13

Maireas · 11/10/2022 17:11

The Irish system seems very expensive - is there any support for parents who can't pay?

There is a back to school allowance for families receiving benefits, not sure how much, could be a couple of hundred euro per child. I'm not on benefits.

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gogohmm · 11/10/2022 17:16

You have to buy books and pay fees for a state school? That's terrible, what happens if parents can't pay

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Maireas · 11/10/2022 17:17

You will need to enquire why they don't have your contact details because that is a safeguarding issue.
Then ask why the rules have been changed at such short notice, because the extra expense is not acceptable.

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UnderCoverFieldAgent · 11/10/2022 17:18

That’s dreadful. I agree with PPs who say let the governors know although what good it’ll do I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ Do they have a secondhand uniform shop?

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Brookland · 11/10/2022 17:21

Fee paying schools in Ireland are not as prevalent as they are in the UK. Most kids go to non fee paying schools but it's still expensive with uniforms etc. The year head should have my details. I think she is just being awkward.There is no second hand uniform shop either.

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WonderingWanda · 11/10/2022 17:25

For a coat? Like an outside winter coat? That's bonkers and I agree with you totally unnecessary. Stand your ground op, see if you can rustle up some parental support. Maybe speak to the head.

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AbleCable · 11/10/2022 17:26

It's shocking OP. I was at secondary school in Ireland in the 80s and remember feeling guilty about how expensive it was for my parents. The volume of expensive new books needed, the uniform only available from the one drapery in town (I think the school kept it in business as I never saw anyone else in there), the expensive PE uniform worn for 40 mins a week, the compulsory gaberdine coat that was down to my ankles in first year to get as many years as possible out of it.
Sad to see that nothing seems to have changed 😕
You are certainly within your rights to tell the school that your child has her coat for this year, and you will budget for it next summer. Such a waste of time and needless stress for you and your child - the only way people like your HoY will stop making these ridiculous demands is by people standing up to them. When she calls - if she does call - tell her to stop trying to embarrass your child. Chances are she will not call though - she should certainly already have access to your details and she is only going through your child to try and get her to pester you for the coat. Disgraceful 😡

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witchesbubblebath · 11/10/2022 17:30

It's wrong that the school asked who had the said coat and who didn't.
It's not the child's fault, and neither is it yours.
You shouldn't have to buy it.

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FoxCorner · 11/10/2022 17:30

Thats a pain op. Ours are allowed to wear their normal plain coloured winter coat over their uniform. I remember seeing quite distinctive coloured uniforms in Ireland like rust coloured and sort of petrol blue, whereas although mine have to wear a particular skirt style and jumper, it's navy so would probably be sold to many schools so not so expensive as mass produced.

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babytum · 11/10/2022 17:30

i’m in Ireland too OP and had the €250 “voluntary” contribution on top of that. I’d hold firm re the jacket and email the head of year cc the deputy principal and ask them to stop embarrassing your daughter regarding something she cannot control. I’d also add if they are that concerned re the jacket they are very welcome to donate one to her but as it stands you can’t afford and will purchase one in due course when financially possible.
The email addresses are usually found on the teams app

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witchesbubblebath · 11/10/2022 17:31

I think there will be a protest and overturning of the rules soon because plenty of parents are quite rightly complaining about the expense and specifics.

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Crunchingleaf · 11/10/2022 17:36

It’s frustrating OP. When I was in secondary school we had just specific rules for uniform now most schools also have a school coat and school PE kit. It’s ridiculous.
The coat we have doesn’t have sealed seams so will be useless in very wet weather for kids that walk or have to wait for the school bus. I hate the school coat for numerous reasons. Some kids feel temperatures different to others and most of us would pick our jacket depending on temperature and weather on that day.
Parents in Ireland LOVE uniforms and support them as supposedly uniforms reduce bullying so OP I think you won’t get much support from other parents.

For the non Irish reading the thread the €150 fee is called a ‘voluntary’ contribution. Schools don’t get enough government funding to run schools so use this to meet the shortfall. The kids won’t get a journal which is mandatory or a locker without paying it.

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