Would this come across as flaky? (TW: Suicide)

[TraceyTheHamster]

This isn’t really a AIBU I suppose but posting for traffic; please forgive me.

A very good friend of mine, whom I have known since childhood, took their own life on Sunday. I had a very complicated relationship with them; but in many ways she felt as much a sister to me as my actual siblings.

I had yesterday off work; but to be honest I felt fine (and felt guilty that I felt fine) so I have come back into work today.

I already feel it was a mistake. My job involves people - some of whom can be very difficult (I get sworn at 4/5 times a day); and now I’m here I don’t think I’m up to it. I feel shaky, sick and have chest pains from nerves. I’ve already had to talk to people this morning and I hated it. I didn’t leave my house yesterday.

Am I in “just get a grip” territory; or would it be reasonable to ask for the rest of the week off to get my head straight? I’m currently on anti-depressants for mental health issues of my own.

My company offers up to five days paid bereavement leave.

Sorry, didn’t meant to enable voting!

YANBU to want to take time off. You've had a bereavement. Unfortunately though I'm not sure your work would consider losing a good friend 'enough' of a bereavement to allow you bereavement leave? My friend was only allowed 3 days when his dad died suddenly.

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, OP! I do think you need to take some time off. Grief is an odd thing and can hit you out of the blue. Look after yourself.

But I would definitely take some time off. You're grieving.

I'm so sorry for your loss, take the leave, you aren't helping anyone by pushing yourself to breaking point. Being human isn't flaky.

It might help more to embrace the grief, rather than pushing it down. Go see her family and friends, look at photos, go to a quiet spot, cry.

Sorry to hear this OP, definitely take some time off, just to get your head around it more than anything else xxx

YANBU to want the time off but will the company allow it? A lot of places only allow paid bereavement leave for spouse/child/parent, not friends or even siblings. That said, even if you have to take it unpaid, you're not unreasonable to want or need the extra time.

Coming to terms with a suicide is hard. It took me years to deal with it.

Have a chat with your boss. They might not let you take the week, depends on the company.

Ultimately, look after yourself. Its a lot to process and you'll most likely end up with more questions than you do answers.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you could be signed off with bereavement related stress, thats what happened to me when I lost someone - and with it the ability to respond appropriately to twatty customers. Take good care x

Go and speak to your boss and come up with a plan. Lighter duties might be a better idea, ie doing something mindless like clearing out the stationery cupboard. But you can't stay doing your normal tasks feeling like that OP.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. All deaths are hard but death by suicide is particularly difficult for those left behind.

Go home. Take your entitlement to 5 days leave.

If you feel you need time off then take it. I imagine you felt fine initially because your reaction was delayed.
Whether it's approved as bereavement leave, annual leave, sickness leave or unpaid leave is semantics so ignore those overly concerning themselves with that detail. You aren't fit to work so you shouldn't be there.
I'm sorry you've lost your friend

It's not flakiness it's called being a loving human being.

I would go home sick. Of you stay it sounds like you are risking going into a panic attack with the symptoms you've listed.