How to get my old 2.5 year old off the dummy !

iplad · 2022-10-11T06:19:06+00:00

Since having a baby 6 months ago, my DD has been wanting the dummy again. Initially we gave in. I felt bad that the baby could have it and she couldn't and wanted the transition of having a baby sibling to be as easy as possible for her. Now she's just constantly wanting it. If she sees one, she pops it in. I take it out etc. I hide them and only give them to the baby when needed, but she constantly asks for it and screams about it. I tell her it's only for sleep time. She protests wildly. She doesn't have it at nursery. But she asks me for it all the time when she's at home and as soon as I pick her up from nursery. She obviously also steals it from the baby sometimes.. From speaking to my parents etc, they said they just got rid of them all and said the fox took them or some story like that and that was pretty much the end of it. I can't do that because of the baby. She'll always see it. At the moment I just take it from her or ask her to take it out if she's found one somewhere. When she asks me for it, I used to tell her big girls don't need dummies etc. or explain why she can't have one anymore, but actually she just starts screaming if I respond or tell her and tell her she can't have it, so I try to ignore and distract her when she asks for it. How do I handle this ? Does it have to be cold turkey ? So also not at night, for her to forget it ? Any advice appreciated, thank you.

babynoname22 · 11/10/2022 07:30

Following as in the same boat!!

Batbatbatty · 11/10/2022 07:41

Complete cold turkey, might not be pleasant for a few days or nights. She's shown she doesn't need one as she doesn't have one at nursery!

But you have to stick to it! First mistake was giving her a dummy again, unfortunately!

ThisIsTrifficult · 11/10/2022 07:43

We had this problem, but waited until much later. Yeah, I know.
Eldest was 5 and youngest was 2. One day they all disappeared. I said the fairies took them and that was it.
At their old age it was just for bedtime and naps, but I hated seeing them in their faces! All gone now though.
We also used the NUK ones which don't affect the teeth.

20viona · 11/10/2022 07:44

I took them away until only one remained, then chopped the teat off and said it was broken. My daughter then held it instead of putting it in her mouth and it worked! Within 2 weeks it had fell down the side of the cot never to be seen again. Saying that I never allowed the dummy out of the cot so she only ever had it for sleep.

MRSE20 · 11/10/2022 07:45

I don’t have any DC yet (currently pg) but I remember my mum telling me I was like this after my sister was born.

She said to me that her and my dad spoke to me and said that dummies are for smaller girls and now I was a big girl I didn’t need them anymore and I remember waving them off on bin day after my mum put them in the rubbish bag with me. There was probably an incentive for this, I think they bought me a “big girl” bike or something and told me if I send my dummies away then the next day the bin men would drop off a big girl present

tranquiltortoise · 11/10/2022 07:47

Whatever you do here it's going to be difficult for a while. The best way is probably cold turkey, just say she doesn't need it anymore because she is big. Let her be upset about it - she will be - but she will deal with it and it won't last long.

If she takes it off the baby you just take it back off her and say 'no, you're a big girl now. Give it back to baby' and just keep enforcing it as you would anything else she needs to learn.

If you pander to it sometimes it is just confusing for her as she doesn't know when she is/ isn't allowed it and it maintains the attachment to it.

Also it becomes bad for their teeth, mouth and speech if they have it for too long. Now is really the time to stop and it's in her own interest, you just have to be tough.

Elisheva · 11/10/2022 07:49

From what you’ve said this is not about the dummy itself but a reaction to the new baby.
What I would do is back off for a while, let her have as many dummies as she wants whenever she wants while at home, and stop talking about it at all. Then when everything has settled down you can try again.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 11/10/2022 07:50

If you want to get it off her I think you've little option but cold turkey really. You can try the whole "they're for babies and you're a big girl" to dress it up a bit but it's still just gonna be cold turkey and ride it out.

The other option is that if baby isn't bothered by them, (we stopped giving ds2 one at a few weeks cos he just wasn't bothered about it) just get rid of them all which would be slightly easier for the big one if they're gone completely but if that won't work for baby it's back to cold turkey.

Whichever way isn't going to be pleasant for a few days but I'd have plenty of distraction packs prepped to whip out and just try to keep loving her on.

Original poster

iplad · 11/10/2022 07:51

Elisheva · 11/10/2022 07:49

From what you’ve said this is not about the dummy itself but a reaction to the new baby.
What I would do is back off for a while, let her have as many dummies as she wants whenever she wants while at home, and stop talking about it at all. Then when everything has settled down you can try again.

I kind of already did that.. but she does really need to stop now. She'll be three before long and she needs to not have it anymore !

OP posts:

Original poster

iplad · 11/10/2022 07:52

Milkand2sugarsplease · 11/10/2022 07:50

If you want to get it off her I think you've little option but cold turkey really. You can try the whole "they're for babies and you're a big girl" to dress it up a bit but it's still just gonna be cold turkey and ride it out.

The other option is that if baby isn't bothered by them, (we stopped giving ds2 one at a few weeks cos he just wasn't bothered about it) just get rid of them all which would be slightly easier for the big one if they're gone completely but if that won't work for baby it's back to cold turkey.

Whichever way isn't going to be pleasant for a few days but I'd have plenty of distraction packs prepped to whip out and just try to keep loving her on.

I thought about that. Or just using it for the baby at night when she doesn't see or something like that. Or just having one for the baby that's attached.

OP posts:

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 11/10/2022 07:56

When my DD was the same age she loved her dummy of an evening and I knew it was going to be an issue getting her to part ways.

I am sure some posters will give you much better strategies and ideas than this but I copped out and used good old Christmas bribery.

It was about November time and I told her that as she was such a big, kind girl Father Christmas had phoned me up and asked if she would and help him out and leave all her dummy's for him on Christmas Eve so he could give them to the poorly little babies who had no dummies at all.

It gave DD a few weeks to get used to the idea and I kept mentioning it to her and kept saying how fantastic that she was being so kind.

When Christmas Eve came we did a silly ceremony leaving the pile of dummy's along side a mince pie and carrot. I then gave her a little present that Father Christmas had dropped off early for her - a "special" unicorn plush teddy to keep her company in bed instead of her dummy.

Amongst all the distraction and excitement of the next few days DD got used to being without them.

That was 23 years ago and she is now a 26 year old solicitor so no harm no foul 😁

SkankingWombat · 11/10/2022 07:58

I think your only 2 options are cold turkey for the both of them, or not removing the toddler's until she is old enough to reason with a little and willing to give it up (I suspect this would be at least another 12 months but could be a lot longer!). You could limit the impact by making them "only for sleep" for both DCs. Obviously the baby sleeps more so would get more use and you may find that it is possible with the toddler to remove it once they are asleep so they are in fact only using to fall asleep, not all night long.
Unfortunately I agree with a PP that the big mistake was allowing her to have it back, having managed to remove it once. You are now stuck. If you remove just the toddler's at the moment and she isn't on board (it doesn't sound like she would be!), she will keep stealing the baby's and the feelings of resentment/unfairness will grow towards the baby, far more than if she hadn't been allowed it back in the first place.

PinkSnowAndStars · 11/10/2022 07:59

Tell her that Santa will be collecting them on Christmas Eve, and leaving an extra present for them?

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 08:05

PinkSnowAndStars · 11/10/2022 07:59

Tell her that Santa will be collecting them on Christmas Eve, and leaving an extra present for them?

Absolutely this. Tell her she's a big girl now and Santa is collecting dummies for new babies.

Original poster

iplad · 11/10/2022 08:06

SkankingWombat · 11/10/2022 07:58

I think your only 2 options are cold turkey for the both of them, or not removing the toddler's until she is old enough to reason with a little and willing to give it up (I suspect this would be at least another 12 months but could be a lot longer!). You could limit the impact by making them "only for sleep" for both DCs. Obviously the baby sleeps more so would get more use and you may find that it is possible with the toddler to remove it once they are asleep so they are in fact only using to fall asleep, not all night long.
Unfortunately I agree with a PP that the big mistake was allowing her to have it back, having managed to remove it once. You are now stuck. If you remove just the toddler's at the moment and she isn't on board (it doesn't sound like she would be!), she will keep stealing the baby's and the feelings of resentment/unfairness will grow towards the baby, far more than if she hadn't been allowed it back in the first place.

I never actually removed it. She was never fussed about it until she saw the baby have it. She'd take it or leave it. But it wasn't ' a thing ' until the baby came along.

OP posts:

comfyshoes2022 · 11/10/2022 08:09

You could have a “fairy” come and take it away: thepostpartumparty.com/pacifier-fairy/

SallyWD · 11/10/2022 08:10

My daughter was completely addicted to her dummy at that age. I tried restricting it to bedtime only but it didn't work. We had to go told turkey and say the dummy fairy took it. We got her a present from the dummy fairy. It's tricky with the baby but you could say the dummy fairy takes dummies from children who are 2 to give to babies.

Original poster

iplad · 11/10/2022 08:12

SallyWD · 11/10/2022 08:10

My daughter was completely addicted to her dummy at that age. I tried restricting it to bedtime only but it didn't work. We had to go told turkey and say the dummy fairy took it. We got her a present from the dummy fairy. It's tricky with the baby but you could say the dummy fairy takes dummies from children who are 2 to give to babies.

That's so cute. I'll try. I'm not sure if she can put that together yet.

OP posts:

Verytirednow · 11/10/2022 08:21

I took my son to toy shop with all his dummies and exchanged them for a fire engine playmobile !
I really don’t think OP needs be lectured for allowing the dummy back by PPs
Rather patronising TBH !
Good luck

Defaultsettings · 11/10/2022 08:25

Father Christmas needs them for the new babies. Leave them all out on Christmas Eve.

thankyouforthesun · 11/10/2022 09:51

We did dummy has to stay in bed/car seat for a while so it was just for sleep, then the dummy fairy came when she was about three. We built up the dummy fairy loads, asking her what toy she thought the dummy fairy might leave, and telling her how amazing and kind she was.
If you can restrict it to sleep for a while I think you get the best of both worlds, in the easier life, which you need with two under three, but the lack of damage to teeth/speech. My dentist was really reassuring about sleep time use.