To just want a weekend to myself ?

[icecreamandnutella]

Last 4 weekends I've had people ask me to either do favours for them or do things to keep them entertained because they are at a lose end. Since covid I've become an introvert. My mental health isn't great and I just want a weekend alone. Im happy in my own company. No one knows about my mental health or that I'm now an introvert. I hide it.
I work a 50 hour week and just want some me time to chill at home and do nothing.
But there are always so many expectations from friends/family. I would love for my partner to put on my fbook something like 'Icecreamandnutella will not be contactable this weekend. She's taking a much needed break and will be back online on Monday'. But my friends would be peed at this as I wouldn't be around to chat on WhatsApp/messenger. 1 particular friend is very needy for WhatsApp chat. She messages me night and day. I find it too much and it stresses me out as she demands a reply ASAP. If I don't reply she's chasing me for a reply.
This weekend I plan to spend it watching films on the sofa or pottering at home or doing my art work. Please don't let there be a need for me to spend the day with someone or do something for someone. As much as I love family and friends, I need some space.

AIBU ?

It isn't other people putting on you, it's your inability to say no to people that is the issue here. Don't put attention seeking messages on social media, just switch your phone off for the weekend and have a few lazy days indoors with a book or movies. Once you want to return to your phone if you have any messages about where you've been and what you have been upto you just say you had a busy weekend doing nothing, and it was lovely and that you'll be doing it again

Totally agree. Confessed introvert here - please don't rely on your DP to do this for you, it will be much better/easier for you in the long run if you're able to hold your own boundaries now.

I regularly have 'no phone' weekends and tell my friends and family in advance ("I'm so excited to be having a completely quiet weekend next weekend. I won't have my phone but don't worry about me, I'll contact you on Monday") - would something like that help you to get started?

My DD and partner tell people that they are going walking, usually in places that don't get a signal.

I’m going to be honest it sounds like you’re doing this to yourself because you’re not setting boundaries with other people

I used to moan about this until someone made me realise it was because I was constantly saying yes to meeting with friends even if I needed a break or constantly feeling the need to message friends back because “I felt guilty not replying to my needier friends”

The only person stopping yourself having a nice weekend to yourself if you
Maybe have a “you weekend” this weekend or next weekend - say no to any plans and turn your phone off xx

Also you don’t need to announce to people that you’re having time to yourself but if you really wanted too, you could just text them and say you’re feeling overwhelmed and won’t text over the weekend. I have a friend who likes to text a lot and I just tell her “I’m having some me time over the weekend and will text you Monday have a good weekend” and that’s that

I don't want to share my mental health struggles with them, which is my prerogative
I guess what I am really saying to friends and family is that I'm drowning in everything, someone please throw me a lifeline and show that you can see everything is getting too much for me and I need a break

Except that isnt what you're saying. Your choice to not discuss your mental health, absolutely. But you seem to think they should be able to guess and this treat you how you want to be treated all without you having to say or do anything.

It doesn't work both ways. You need to give them some insight if you want them to change how they behave to you.

Tell them you're having a tech detox weekend. They sint need to understand. They need to respect it.
Tel them you can't come out because your mentally worn out and just need a weekend catching up with yourself.
You don't have to tell them everything but you do need to be more honest.

The scourge of social media and modern phones. They're very useful but you have to not let them run your life. In ye olde days when I was younger we didn't have the problem so I'm not averse to simply shutting off for a while.

You need a break, shut down the laptop, switch of the phone, just relax.

Very kindly, if your friends would be concerned about your absence from Facebook over one weekend, then it does suggest that you spend too much time on it.
SM can be a useful platform for some things, but there's surely no reason for anyone to be posting all weekend - to the extent that friends would be concerned if you didn't?

It sounds like you're in desperate need of a weekend to yourself, just pottering and getting back into your artwork - sounds wonderful!

You deserve to take time to yourself, and you needn't feel guilty or feel like you have to justify it.
As other pp have suggested, I would just message friends on Friday afternoon with a "Hi all, taking a break from my phone this weekend, catch up with you all on Monday" type of thing.

You'll find it liberating, putting yourself back in charge of your own free time.
Have a fabulous weekend!

Friends would think it odd if I went off line for the whole weekend

Goodness.

You’re awfully enmeshed in the whole online thing. Is it meant to be such a straitjacket? I’m sure you know that some other functioning adults manage to live without FB?

Could you not just sign out and delete it? Or at least only engage maybe once a week? I promise you nothing bad would happen.

Just to be clear - when I mean go offline. I mean from my phone. I rarely use other forms of SM. I mean not be seen on WhatsApp or messenger for the whole weekend and leave messages unanswered

Yanbu to want it

Yabu for seemingly not just doing anything about it

Just mute everything.

Why in earth do you you need your partner to write you a fb status?!!!

YOU DO NOT NEED PERMISSION OR AN EXCUSE.

You write the status. You do whatever you want to do this weekend and hopefully you might even get the silent treatment for a while longer from your needy friends. Bonus!

Do it @icecreamandnutella !!

Exactly.

Who cares if people think it's odd?

I sometimes leave my phone in my handbag all weekend. It's for my convenience, not everyone else's.

Let them think it's odd.

You don't have to explain yourself. You don't have to explain being offline before, during or after the fact.

If they can't comprehend that sometimes, even people who are usually glued to their phones need to go offline for a while, then that is their problem - not yours. If they give you grief about it, then they are the ones being weird, not you.

Take your weekend for yourself! Choose a great film to watch. Get lost in creating art. It sounds wonderful and you don't have to explain why you want to do it. Please just do it!

My phone’s never out of my hand! But I don’t give a fig for SM*. I’m not on FB or Twitter, lurk but don’t engage on Insta and only respond to WhatsApp as the mood takes me. So outside my immediate family there isn’t a single person to whom I feel any communication obligation. (And I mostly speak to family directly via phone.) The OP’s world sounds unbelievably strange to me.

*Does MN count? I spend a lot of time here, admittedly - but entirely free of personal relationships or any obligation whatsoever.

I understand OP. You want the break without the drama that you expect to come with it.

Can you delete the SM apps from your phone? Your accounts will still exist but you won't get any notifications.
Mute WhatsApp chats.
If you think it'll help, maybe tell your needy friend that you feel unwell on Saturday morning so you're going back to bed and won't be checking your phone (do you suffer migraines? FYI They genuinely make me unable to use my phone).

This all probably feels difficult for you because of your MH but actually, you need to put yourself first and just accept some people are going to be upset because they are expecting you to continue providing them with what they want.

What is great though is that once you've done this once, the next time is easier, and the time after that is easier again. Take it from me - I've been doing this for a few years now and once you carve time out for yourself and get to enjoy it, you find you really want to protect it!

Lock your phone in a drawer for the weekend turned off.

If you feel the need to let people know so they won't worry, do a blanket text to those who may be likely to contact you "I'm going off grid this weekend and won't be able to check my phone so don't worry if you don't hear from me until Monday morning. Nothing wrong just thought I'd try a break from my phone"