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AIBU?

Worried about meeting colleagues in person for first time because I'm fat

20 replies

lkjhgfdssc · 10/10/2022 20:20

I know I'm being ridiculous, but I have anxiety and already find going into the office really nerve-wracking as I feel out of place there. I'm meeting one of my managers this week in person who I have never met in person before, as she works remotely so is rarely in the office. I've worked with her for just over a year. She comes into the office maybe once every couple of months, and I've never been in at the same time as her. When she does come in, she often then says things like "I never expected John to be so tall!" or "I never expected Jane to be so small and petite"

I'm self-conscious about my weight. I'm a size 16-18 but I don't hold much weight on my face, so I look slim on Teams and I know she won't expect me to the size that I am. I feel really embarrassed about it, and all of my colleagues are slim size 8-10s so I feel like I stand out.

I know I'm being ridiculous and it's the anxiety talking, but I am really nervous about it and feel like I've been a catfish or something.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

52 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
62%
You are NOT being unreasonable
38%
Squidlydoo · 10/10/2022 20:25

Honestly please don’t over think this… no one will care. Most people are way too busy with their own lives/ own insecurities to give anyone else a second thought. Plus 16-18 isn’t even big!

jewishmum · 10/10/2022 20:29

People don't think like that, any decent people anyway.

RedPandaFluff · 10/10/2022 20:32

Totally agree with @Squidlydoo - a lot of people probably feel the way you feel, and will therefore be thinking about themselves rather than how you look!

I know it's so hard to get thoughts like that out of your head, though. From a practical perspective, I'd make sure I'm happy and comfortable in what I'm wearing - choose a favourite outfit that you know you look good in, do whatever you need to do to feel confident (hairdo, makeup, whatever) and I think that will boost your confidence.

AnApparitionQuipped · 10/10/2022 20:32

When she does come in, she often then says things like "I never expected John to be so tall!"

That's somewhat unprofessional of her. OP, you're about the average size of a woman in the UK. Most women are a bit overweight. I really doubt she will think anything of your weight at all.

As for cat-fishing - people look nothing like their real selves on Teams camera and as for profile pictures - they are all at the very least, flattering photos (mine certainly shows me at my least worst Grin) and some people who I know in real life are unrecognisable because they're filtered up to the eyeballs!

Whatever your size, only your ability to do your job matters, and as I've said, if she's going round remarking on people's physical traits sooner or later it will land her in hot water.

Stopthebusplease · 10/10/2022 20:39

I think you're worrying about nothing OP, have you considered, bearing in mind that you haven't met here before, that she may actually be bigger than you are? Also if she makes a comment about you being bigger than she thought, I would be prepared to say something like 'Rude' in a firm voice, while looking her straight in the eye, and then turn and walk away to show that you're offended, as if she makes a comment like that, then she's being extremely unprofessional, as she should only concern herself with your abilities, NOT how you look!

Alliswells · 10/10/2022 20:47

She sounds a bit unprofessional tbh so who gives a damm what she thinks. I bet your colleagues won't care one bit what dress size you are. Paint your nails, stick a bit of lippy and mascara on and go in with your head held high.

Keyansier · 10/10/2022 20:49

What a fuss about nothing. There's enough societal pressures in the UK for it to simply not be acceptable to make such a comment in this country regarding someone's weight like one might do about someone's height, that's not always true when it comes to other countries/cultures. Anyone making such a comment would surely be considered very rude.

You are worrying about nothing and working yourself up into a panic for something that is extremely unlikely to even happen.

Fedupwitheveryone · 10/10/2022 20:50

gosh OP i could have written your post! right down to the not showing weight on my face, my size and having to meet some of my team next week for the first time.

I'm just going with the theory 'it's work, not a date, so they won't particularly care'.

I bet some of the people you've met now at work in real life don't look so go without that flattering zoom filter either. in reality, British workplaces aren't generally full of stunners.......

whatkatydid2013 · 10/10/2022 20:51

Not unreasonable it’s stressing you out a bit as many people do feel self conscious about weight. In reality though I’m sure she isn’t going to comment on it as where she has it doesn’t sound like she’s said anything negative

HyggeandTea · 10/10/2022 20:59

Yes, she may meet you and momentarily think 'lkjhgfdssc is plumper than I expected' (and she might even like that!) and then she'll carry on with stuff and not give it another thought.
Just the same as if she is wearing a screamingly bright colour, you might think 'Wow, manager lady is neon!' and then you'll move onto the next thing.

It won't matter, she wont be thinking 'That's it, I hate her and feel betrayed. I can never enjoy the company of a colleague who is not a size 6, and all her work is now futile and useless', she'll be far more interested in your work ethic and ideas.

Trust me, people are far more interested in what other people might be thinking about them (you know that feeling!) to give anyone else more than a passing thought. 🙂

UWhatNow · 10/10/2022 21:01

I didn’t realise that there was such hatred and snobbery toward bigger people until I read the openly venomous posts on MN - so I think you’re not unreasonable to be anxious about it. Just stay professional and hope that she does too.

Hbh17 · 10/10/2022 21:03

Well, 16-18 isn't fat, for a start. And, however you look, your colleagues really won't care.

VladmirsPoutine · 10/10/2022 21:05

UWhatNow · 10/10/2022 21:01

I didn’t realise that there was such hatred and snobbery toward bigger people until I read the openly venomous posts on MN - so I think you’re not unreasonable to be anxious about it. Just stay professional and hope that she does too.

This is the long and short of it. You can't avoid it so try and not let it get to you so much. Be extremely mindful over professionalism though as she really shouldn't be making passing comments about anyone's body no matter how innocuous it seems.

Runningintolife · 10/10/2022 21:05

First time I met mine she had to ask me about covid risk factors so I literally had to tell her that I was in the obese category while we looked at each other! OP, no one else gives this 1% of the focus you do. They will be pleased to meet you in person, smile and get to know them.

Canggu · 10/10/2022 21:06

Just breeze in with a big smile on your face saying " how lovely to meet you in person" .

BeanStew22 · 10/10/2022 21:31

Fedupwitheveryone · 10/10/2022 20:50

gosh OP i could have written your post! right down to the not showing weight on my face, my size and having to meet some of my team next week for the first time.

I'm just going with the theory 'it's work, not a date, so they won't particularly care'.

I bet some of the people you've met now at work in real life don't look so go without that flattering zoom filter either. in reality, British workplaces aren't generally full of stunners.......

^ me 3. Don’t worry about it - size 16-18 is while probably not optimal from a health perspective (this is my size so hope I can say that without causing offence) a pretty darn ‘average’ & unremarkable size

Wear something you feel good in & a big smile

namechange3394 · 10/10/2022 21:34

Why are you so sure "all of my colleagues are slim size 8-10s" when you don't think they'll have realised you're bigger? Any of them could be as big as you.

Paq · 10/10/2022 21:39

I know I'm being ridiculous

Yes, yes you are. Otherwise, you sound lovely. Please don't give it a second thought.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 10/10/2022 21:44

The anxiety has blown things up in your mind.

Whenever I am worried about something I try to imagine it in reverse.

If you met a new colleague of similar size would you think badly of them or judge their weight. No.

Most people don’t care about other people passed a quick hello.

GyozaGuiting · 10/10/2022 22:23

I’ve met loads of people in real life recently after months on zoom, I don’t even notice or care if people are fat/thin, tall or short! I just think oh there’s Gill! (If she’s called Gill).

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