To not be happy with this response from nursery

[mummaoftwo22]

DS who is 3 started school nursery last week, today was the first full day he has done.
He has settled amazingly and has been excited to go back this week. I picked him up this afternoon and when we got home and I handed him a drink I noticed a bite mark on his hand, nothing was mentioned by staff at collection in fact there is basically no handover at all, I just sign him out and off we go.
I spoke to DS and when I asked him what happened he said a girl hurt him but he wasn't upset, it's bruised and grazed from the teeth so I'm not sure he wouldn't have been upset.
I called nursery to see if maybe a form had been missed at collection etc and they called back to say that there were no forms and nobody had seen anything happen to him at any point so "sorry about that" and told me to make sure he knows to tell an adult if it happens again. Aibu to think they should be keeping a closer eye? DS is a very good talker so is usually able to communicate(albeit not this time) but they have 2 year olds that I can imagine aren't as good at communicating yet.
I get it these things happen they are still only little but I don't want this becoming a regular thing and it putting DS off going when he's been great so far.

You are being ridiculous. Small kids do stuff like this. They didn't see. He didn't show them or say. End of really. You have let them know and they have told you that they didn't see it. Imagine the scene - nursery worker with a table of six kids painting, turns to help a child and your ds goes to pick up a paint that another child wants. A child bites his hand. He doesn't react and it isn't noticed.

I mean you don’t know what part of the day it happened, you didn’t notice straight away either. You can’t hold it against them. Three is old enough to raise it with a grown up, or if he was distressed they would have picked up on it.

First incident so you can’t really worry it’ll become a regular occurrence. Of course if it happens a second time then bring it up.

Well if he didn’t tell anyone how should they of known? He obviously isn’t that good at communicating and he clearly wasn’t hurt, as he told you, because they’d of noticed him crying.

YABU. They can’t keep an eye on all the children all the time. If he doesn’t tell them they can’t act on it. You need to teach him to communicate.

You're being ridiculous. They can't be watching every child all the time. Presumably he wasn't upset so they didn't notice anything. Both mine have had various unexplained injuries, including bites, during their nursery years. In the same vein, I've had to drop them off with bruises on them that I can't explain, that have appeared over the weekend.

Okay thank you, swiftly bought back down to earth. I think it was just a shock to see but I can definitely understand it happens especially with as many kids as they have. I have spoken to DS and he knows to tell an adult, I think because he doesn't really know them yet with it only being his third day he may have just been a bit shy.

He didn't tell anybody because he wasn't bothered.

Don't worry about it, OP. There's not one of us who won't have had a precious firstborn moment before!

Most two year olds would cry and so get a teacher's attention. Most could point at who bit them if they were nearby. If your child wasn't visibly upset or go to a teacher to show them then it could easily be missed.

It can be a bit of a shock if you have a child going from day care where they documents most things and have small rations to a school nursery where the ratios can be bigger/more like a school setting.

I must be in the minority here then, because I would be annoyed… He’s 3 and only just started nursery, he probably wouldn’t feel confident enough to tell a staff member yet if something happens. I would let it go this time, but if it happens again and nothing’s seen I’d say something.

His confidence will grow eventually.

Staff can't be expected to check children from head to foot for marks, if they haven't been visibly upset.

If he told an adult and they said nothing then yanbu to be annoyed. Does he know that the adults will help if he has a problem like that ? I've worked in a school nursery and there's so many kids compared to adults you wouldn't notice every incident like that unless the child flagged it verbally or by yelling.

Working in a busy preschool room means you can’t have eye on every child 100% of the time. If he didn’t react and wasn’t hurt then how would they have known?

Yes it's quite commonplace - sometimes staff know and sometimes they done - I remember my son biting one of my bfs daughters so it is quite common place x

I think aged 3 he should be telling a staff member if he’s been hurt bod encourage him to do so if it happens again. I’d be annoyed if perhaps a 1 year old was bitten and no one had noticed but I think he needs to tell an adult ideally

2 year olds won't be in school nursery.

@Creameggs223 2 Year Old rooms are now becomming more known in schools,
My school has one..it does have a separate room (only a door separating them) however they join with nursery throughout the day at certain times.
At least 2 other local schools have 2 Year old provision also.

If it's a school nursery, then there will most likely be a teacher leading the class. And with a teacher leading the class the adult to child ratio is 1:13. Even the greatest, most caring, most attentive teacher can't have eyes on 13 children at once, and unfortunately the current funding and recruitment crisis means many school nurseries don't have the extra staff they would have had a few years ago.

I totally understand your shock and concern. If your little one is able the name the child who bit, it would be worthwhile letting the teacher know so that she can take steps to mitigate this happening again.

And now is a good time to start encouraging your little one to speak up. Teach them to say "stop it! I don't like that" loudly, and reassure them it's ok and sensible to tell a grown up when they are hurt.

I once picked ds1 from nursery and he had a huge graze down his nose, I asked his key worker what happened and she had no idea. Turns out he had fallen on a slide about 5 minutes before pickup and not bothered to tell anyone. I think in that time no one had even looked at him. He was fine. If you are otherwise happy I would let it go.

Their response is perfectly fine. You’re being weird.

It’s unfortunate but unavoidable that these little things sometimes happen.

I think the response could have been a bit better though. If it was me at work I’d have apologised that we didn’t notice and let them know we would keep a close eye to make sure it wasn’t a pattern of one child biting/would talk to all the children about telling a teacher if you are hurt by anyone etc.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable op - you’re not kicking off that he’s been bitten or anything. You’re just a bit off at the lack of communication.

It's understandable that you feel upset that your DC has been hurt, it's a completely normal reaction.

As pp have said, there's not much nursery can do about it if they didn't see it happen and he didn't tell them.

Just one of those things.

I agree, I wouldn't be happy with my child coming home with a bite mark.

If it was happening repeatedly then I'd be annoyed, but not as a one off. My sons started nursery at 10 months and 6 months old respectively, and if I got annoyed every time they had an unexplained mark on them, I'd have spent their whole lives annoyed! I did get concerned once when I saw what I thought were finger bruise marks on my son and spoke to the nursery, but this is clearly a child who has bitten your son without anyone spotting it - kids are quick and you really can't expect staff to get able to watch every child every single second- the ratios aren't bad but not good enough for 1:1 attention constantly! I'd keep an eye out though in case it's not an isolated incident.