Why can everyone else seem to parent effectively

[Wthamidoingwrong]

But I can't?
aibu to think I am clearly doing something very wrong here?because I never see other children behave like mine at this age.

DS is 5, in year 1 at school. Just screamed and kicked me repeatedly on the way home from the park because he didn't want to leave. I ended up crying because I was so fed up there were children and parents from school there, one of which gave us a very horrible look and now I'm absolutely mortified. DS does this after school most days, and at other times too when we have to do something he does want to do- mainly walking anywhere or going to shops.
I've never seen any of the other children from school act like this
My older ds1 did also have big meltdowns after school when he was younger but he is autistic and I put it down to that. DS2 isn't
as far as I know. Sensory issues possibly.
he's still screaming now and we've been home half an hour!
I've tried reward charts, time outs, punishments, everything really that I can think of and nothing is working

What @orbitalcrisis said.

Agree with 3WildOnes.

A child having violent meltdowns at 5 and a parent who has "tried reward charts, time out, punishments" is not just a situation where a parent needs to be firmer. It's a sign that the child isn't coping and a completely different approach makes more sense.

OP, what works with your ASD child? Might it be worth trying those things with your youngest?

You need to develop a very thick skin towards people who don't understand neurodiversity/sensory overload and think all behaviour is due to "not firm enough parenting" unfortunately.

From a non-parent so my comments can be freely ignored - your kids are mostly safe, happy and fed? Then you are an effective parent. Sorry to sound like soppy hallmark card but you are a much better parent than you give yourself credit for.

Didn’t read the whole thread but I would whole heartedly recommend aha parenting.com. It’s a great resource for effective parenting skills (punishment and time outs don’t work)

You are not alone on this! I am shit at mothering too. Mine does not hit and kick, but quite the rest of it.
To be honest, I think much of it has to do with their personality.

As long as you're trying everything then don't blame yourself. Tantrums are normal, yes, but to be beating a parent...not quite so normal. Have you spoken to the school for maybe some advice?

I’ve got one stereotypical aspie DS and because my other DS was so difference I didn’t realise that he was autistic for a long time even though in hindsight it was very obvious. He’s never been able to cope with stress and tends to become very angry and unempathetic.

Could you sit with him on the weekend when you’re both happy and relaxed and talk to him about how you get worried about going to the park in case he won’t leave when it’s time to go. Ask him if he has any ideas for how you deal with it. Consider all the ideas - even write them down - and then choose the ones you both think could work. I got this technique from ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’. The only parenting book I’ve ever liked. It’s very non-judgy, practical and it really worked for me.