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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Classroom assistant

37 replies

Lou867 · 10/10/2022 14:54

I don't know if I should be so mad about this but I am.
My son has started school nursery and this will be his 5th week. He only goes mornings.
The classroom assistant came out in front of other parents and said he couldn't have any sweets (that were on the table to the left of the exit) because the sweets are only for "nice and good children".
My son was upset because he couldn't understand why he could not have a sweet.
I think if that is the case don't have them on display at the door.
What do you all think?

OP posts:
OperaStation · 10/10/2022 16:08

That’s very cruel. I can understand why he was upset and crying.

I can’t understand why you were crying though!

I also can’t believe any school is handing out sweets, regardless if the reason.

Avidreader69 · 10/10/2022 16:13

Maybe your son will get the message and start behaving? Refusing to sit down and throwing sand are not acceptable. Why do you think he should be rewarded?

Softplayhooray · 10/10/2022 16:17

Lou867 · 10/10/2022 15:07

I couldn't believe it when she said it in front of other parents. But I think she should have spoke to me privately in the office.
He was crying for a good 15 minutes then I was crying. It was humiliating.

Jesus OP I really feel for you and the little guy. She's literally the troll under the bridge in a fairy tale. I'd contact the school and complain.

purpleboy · 10/10/2022 16:18

I would both talk to the school because what the TA did and said is unacceptable, and also acknowledge your child's bad behavior and work with them. You also meet to let your son know that the behavior is not ok.

Original poster
Lou867 · 10/10/2022 16:33

Hi thankyou everyone. I think I cried because it was a shock and I didn't expect him to kick off at the same time at the door when the sweets were in plain sight.
I know I need to get some balls. Parenting is a hard job.
I still think the classroom assistant was out of order though. I've told the school

OP posts:
Kite22 · 10/10/2022 16:40

Houseplantmad · 10/10/2022 15:13

Yes she should have spoken to you more discreetly but your DS crying for 15 minutes and then you crying??? You need to show him how to respond properly ie to ask why he wasn’t getting any as otherwise he’s going to have a very tough time at school, and so are you!

This.

I mean I have all sorts of questions about the communication and about the language used by the TA and about the using sweets as a reward, so it is difficult to know how to vote as both you and the staff member are being very unreasonable.
However your response (to an unreasonable situation) is unreasonable.

aWorkOne · 10/10/2022 16:42

Yes that is awful. Firstly sweets shouldn't be in the classroom. Secondly food should not be used as a reward. Thirdly children should not be told that they are/ are not 'good' or 'nice' - those are meaningless words that don't link to behaviour.

The normal language is more along the lines of 'Jimmy throwing sand is not allowed because X, you weren't able to follow the class room rules today so Y (not getting a star on the chart, or not being allowed to play with sand next time would be appropriate!).

School staff should know all of this btw, it's pretty basic stuff! I would talk to the head

footiemum3 · 10/10/2022 16:47

I would email the headteacher straight away making sure you quote exactly what was said by the member of staff. No child should be treated that way and is not going to teach them anything. Send the email before the you forget exactly what was said. If that is being said in front of parents I would be very concerned as to what is being said in the classroom. (I am a primary school teacher)

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 10/10/2022 16:55

Could the sweets have been from another child who has brought them in for the children? This usually happens on birthdays. In our classes when this happens they are taken home for the parent to decide as to if or when their child can have them. Any child who has misbehaved will have to earn them with good choices. They wouldn't be allowed them that day if they continued to misbehave. It would be explained to the child in an age appropriate manner and we would try again the day afterwards.

Katapolts · 10/10/2022 20:07

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 10/10/2022 16:55

Could the sweets have been from another child who has brought them in for the children? This usually happens on birthdays. In our classes when this happens they are taken home for the parent to decide as to if or when their child can have them. Any child who has misbehaved will have to earn them with good choices. They wouldn't be allowed them that day if they continued to misbehave. It would be explained to the child in an age appropriate manner and we would try again the day afterwards.

That's pretty shitty. If a child brings in gifts for their classmates, who are you to take them to use for discipline?

Yesnoormaybe · 10/10/2022 20:27

I think if he was that naughty throwing sand and not doing as he was asked then yes he does not deserve a sweet. Sorry op but you need to tell him to be nice then people will be nice to him

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 10/10/2022 22:47

Katapolts i don't personally. Those are the rules where I work. I don't think we've ever had an instance where all children haven't ultimately gone home with the sweets.

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