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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Maternity cover being pushy

14 replies

Miniforce · 10/10/2022 14:51

This is pretty trivial but for some reason it's really bothering me.

I've been on maternity leave for the last year and am due to return to work in a couple of weeks. Technically I finished mat leave at the end of Sept and am now on annual leave.

I was under the impression that you shouldn't contact a colleague who's on parental leave unless they initiate it. But since the beginning of this year the guy who's doing my maternity cover has contacted me regularly to give me updates via email or request a catch up call. It's always wound me up a bit but I've never said anything to him. Anyway last week he sent a what's app to my personal mobile (I called him from it last time and he must have saved my number) asking if I wanted to have another catch up. I replied 5 days later saying 'I'm back on x date, can we catch up then?' but stupidly added something about how I'm free later this week if he needs to talk sooner. He replied saying he'd like to talk this week to tell my about 'some things that will be on my plate as soon as I get back'.

The thing is that I know he's going to tell me about a load of work problems that I won't be able to fix until I get back, and I resent having to worry about them in my last couple of weeks of leave. I don't intend to go on maternity leave again so I'm trying to make the most of not having to think about work!

AIBU if I go back to him and say 'actually can we just talk when I get back?'?

OP posts:

PragmaticWench · 10/10/2022 14:54

He shouldn't have used WhatsApp to contact you and shouldn't be contacting you at all, it's your manager who should make contact (if anyone). I'd email your manager and ask them if your cover could to do a written hand-over for your return. Explain why.

MumChats · 10/10/2022 15:19

YANBU - I think you should say exactly that to him! Another thing to consider if you are willing/want to is when you say no to the chat, you could remind him that on maternity leave you are not actually working (that's the whole point of why he has been hired!) but if he really requires help before your planned return date you could book in a KIT.

I wouldn't go straight to your manager as PP suggested before responding properly to your cover - you did after all offer to speak later this week so although he's in the wrong you have facilitated that and to then go straight over his head with a complaint is OTT.

Original poster

Miniforce · 10/10/2022 15:55

Thanks. Yes as soon as I got his reply I felt silly for giving him the option to talk this week. I just thought he'd get the hint!

I need to keep things relatively civil as there will be an overlap after I get back and we'll have to work together. My manager and HR have been really respectful about waiting for me to contact them, as have the rest of my team, so it's a shame he didn't get the memo!

Every time he contacts me I think 'I don't want to talk to you' and then I feel guilty for not caring about work... but I've got the rest of my life to care about work...

OP posts:

EndlessMagpies · 10/10/2022 16:14

You're no longer on maternity leave, you are on annual leave, so he shouldn't be contacting you during your holiday period at all.

RoseValleyRambles · 10/10/2022 16:19

How about something along the lines of: "Ah, right. In that case let's set up a meeting for my first day back so I can action anything that's required as soon as possible. There's little practical I'll be able to address while I'm still on leave. What does your diary look like that day? If it's anything more urgent, have a chat to (manager) in the meantime."

Original poster

Miniforce · 10/10/2022 19:08

RoseValleyRambles · 10/10/2022 16:19

Thanks, I like this a lot!

OP posts:

Testina · 10/10/2022 19:13

“But since the beginning of this year the guy who's doing my maternity cover has contacted me regularly to give me updates via email or request a catch up call. It's always wound me up a bit but I've never said anything to him.”

I don’t think he’s specifically pushy in this one instance, as you’ve been a part of creating that relationship. Why did you even read his first email? He might not think he’s pushy, yet accommodating of a workaholic! Why on earth have you let it wind you up for 9 months?!!

cansu · 10/10/2022 19:16

I think he is trying to be helpful. I would just say that you are focusing on enjoying your last few weeks off. Thank him nicely for the offer and say that you will pick up any issues when you return. Of course, you may well find that he is not available to bring you up to date.

Original poster

Miniforce · 10/10/2022 19:21

@Testina it's not like I've been worrying about it constantly for 9 months but I take your point, I should have enforced boundaries earlier on. All I can say is it's sort of escalated gradually from an email saying 'let me know if you want me to update you on what's going on' (which I did, to be fair) to a what's app message basically insisting we talk this week. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile...

OP posts:

MindatWork · 10/10/2022 19:23

Why do you feel guilty for not caring about work!? That’s literally what mat leave is for 😆.

I sympathise but I do think you’re unfortunately partly to blame here for letting it go on for 9 months. I’d have politely replied to the first email thanking him but saying you’re on mat leave and as such will be taking a complete break from work - looking forward to catching up when I’m back etc etc.

In replying to him each time you’ve helped create that dynamic - it may be he’s not done mat cover before or has done it elsewhere and thinks it’s the norm (my own mat cover emailed me 2 weeks before I was due back and asked if I wanted her to start forwarding emails to my personal address so o could ‘catch up’ - she got an unequivocal ’no thank you’!)

Id suggest a reply along the lines of the above and enjoy your last few weeks with your little one.

Also maybe work on putting some boundaries in place and sticking up for yourself when you go back! ☺️

WulyJmpr · 10/10/2022 19:24

Why is he trying to act like your manager? He should be reporting to your/his manager and then when you return to work you would only then catch up with your manager.

Testina · 10/10/2022 19:31

“ 'let me know if you want me to update you on what's going on' (which I did, to be fair)”

Then he’s definitely not being pushy, he’s just giving you what you showed him you wanted.

surreygirl1987 · 10/10/2022 19:40

That's our of order, although you have encouraged it by offering him to talk.

Soontobe60 · 10/10/2022 20:08

Miniforce · 10/10/2022 19:21

I think you're being very unfair. He asked if you wanted to be kept updated via email. You said yes. So he did. You phoned him from your personal phone and he sent a WhatsApp message to the same number in return.
Your issue arises from that very first contact, when you basically gave him the green light to keep in touch. Now you’re complaining that despite you saying you’re happy to speak to him this week, you don’t actually want to do this.
Is he supposed to be able to read your mind?

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