parents letting me down re childcare

[chocolateshoes]

My parents have always been v helpful with childcare & DP and I have always made it clear that we appreciate this. DP works partly from home & I am a part-time teacher so between us we have managed to organise it so that they have him 2 times a week max in term time. That is usually 10 til 4 with him sleeping for a couple of hours over lunch. Because our timetables are somewhat erratic we have worked out the dates & times well in advance - for example they have the dates through to the end of the school year now. We have the system that one of us drops him at their house & they bring him back later. I send him with lunch, nappies etc. So far so good.
Until yesterday when they rang to say they were going to visit my sister and would not be able to have him one day (in 3 wks time). I was quite shocked that they could go back on their commitment just like. Bother of us work academic years and so cannot take a day off to look after DS as our holidays are fixed. Basically one of us will have to do a sickie. The fact that we do have long holidays in which my parents are not down for childcare and the fact that I don't work Mon or Fri does not seem to have helped them work out a more convenient date. I know my sister is busy but...

I am now thinking of using a nursery and am going to make some appointments to look around next week.

Am I being unreasonable to think that of you make a commitment you stick to it?

I admire you too chocshoes. And you do need back up plans as well as your fab sounding parents. Hope you work something out.

i really dont thin op knows how lucky she is. We have 2 children very close in age. My husband runs his own business adn I am a full time teacher. DP parents have both died and mine offer NO help with childcare. We have found a fantastic childmninder. We love her and the kids love her BUT she takes two weeks off every year (separately) in school term time. I have to manage. Can you not manage for 1 day? Just take a day off! Its not the end of the world.

You should really have some kind of an idea of what you would do in a situation like this already. What would you do if they were both unable to care for your child at the same time due to illness? It is not their fault that you haven't planned for situations like this. My childminder has several times given me notice that she won't be able to look after my chn due to special family occasions. It's quite normal.

Like you Cory DP is a uni lectureer so can't be covered. So he has classes that he can't shift & therefore cannot easily rearrange when he works from home. TBH its much the same in secondary where I teach.

Cornsilk I have thought through illness etc- I would have to take unpaid leave. What worries me is that that could still happen! An emergency is an emergency. Going to see my sister is not an emergency. That is what made me cross initially.

However, as I've said a number of you have made me realise IABU and so I am going to visit a local nursery next week and look at DS going half a day so if my parents need some flexibity they can have it.

And yes I do know how lucky I am!

YABU, as pps have said they have given heaps of notice.

When you have a child he/she is your responsibility, you have been incredibly fortunate to have had the suppport you have had to date, and it sounds like you are taking it for granted.

They have given you heaps of notice, one day one / both of them will be sick, so you will have even less notice, how would you cope then?

I think you are being a bit silly about this.

Just pay a babysitter for one day. OK, you'll probably be out of pocket - but it's not a big deal in the scheme of things.

I like things to be planned way in advance but life isnt always like that unfortunately. I used to work 2 and a half days a week and DD1 always went to Grandma twice a week and nursery for half a day. Altho I preferred the grandparent option the nursery has proved invaluable in times of sickness, the day my sister had a very prem baby etc etc. Incidentally nursery said that she was in a better routine when she did go for a full day. Without being preachy I do think you need a back up plan-what would you do if both parents suddenly ill etc?

Chocshoes - how about take your baby to work day?? Or, doesn't dp's university have a creche?

Seriously though:

You say you work p/t and live in a very rural area. So rural that you have no near neighbours? I live in a rural village and have built up a network of friends with dc similar ages to mine. We look after each other's children in both regular and ad hoc arrangements.

I have never ever been able to rely on parents or inlaws for regular childcare - and that is the experience of many of us on MN - so I have carefully built up a network of community help which I can call on if something crops up.

Yes, people should honour commitments - but as others have pointed out, it is unfair to expect such a commitment from grandparents with respect to childcare. Also they have given plenty of notice. Your parents want to support you and see their gc but as you have now realised, you do need contingemcy plans.

As a supply teacher I am shocked that your colleagues will be asked to cover!

My sympathies are with your sister. I'm in her position as my parents very rarely came to visit us because they looked after my brother and sister's children three days a week after school. Dad died in November and I feel very bitter that I got to see so little of him in his last few years because of the demands other family members made on their time. On a more practical note, nanny agencies can provide nannies for a one-off (we used one to look after the DCs while we went to Dad's funeral). Might be worth considering.

It's once , they've given you lots of notice, YABU. Perhaps they don't realise what a complication it is for you , possibly thinking you or dh can switch days or it is half term. However you cannot expect them to be tied to things like taking holidays or day trips in school holiday time just to suit you. Can you find a contingency plan , such as cm , for such occasions even if it isn't so convenient on the day. Once in a while won't hurt.

My mother & father havent seen my daughter since August. We have fallen out as I dont like the way they treat me or my family. This said however I dont want to exclude them from seeing my little girl (22 mths) grow up. I have tried to involve them but they are not really prepared to do and because if this I begruge asking as I dont want to be told no and also seem like I am just trying to dump my daughter on them. I am the oldest grandchild in the afmily (31) and have the only child in the family. The recently had a party within the family and excluded me and my family from it as we have kids we wont fit in and it would be to expensive for us. I was fuming at this which is the main reaosn I have fallen out with them. I am new to being a parent and I am firmly belive that they should help me not that this should be a given. Also (seeing as steam is coming of my keyboard!)I would like to add that their main reason for not seeing her more or looking after her at all is that they both work full time and have three dogs and live 8 miles away there just isnt time!

If you work part-time why can't you just switch days that week? That's what I always do.

choc..
I can totally sympathise with your op.
The same thing happened with me a while ago with mil, and it too, happened at the end of a very stressful week(except she gave me a weeks notice)
I came on here, and was quite rightly told by Mners how lucky I was to have mil to help with childcare. Kind of put things into perspective.
Me and mil had a real, proper talk about childcare. And everything seemed ok. My dc are in nursery 2 mornings a week, and I told them that occasionally I might need to put them for an extra morning. And mil agreed that she needed to give me a little more notice than a week (unless an emergency, obv)
Until the same thing happened again. So we're now going to put the dc in nursery 3 mornings, taking the pressure off everyone. More cost, but quite frankly its worth it for peace of mind. (and when mil calls I'm not thinking "what now")

Think I might have waffled a bit

Thanks Runny!

i was 20 and 21 when i had my children and would like to think i would still be young enough and fit enough to help look after my own grandchildren when the time comes but of course at the mo i work 55hrs a week and dh works 40hrs per wk hopefully we will have paid off out morgage by the time i am 49 so then we can relax a little take more holidays enjoy each other

what i am saying is your parents have done their bit had children brought them up and now its their time to live but as i would be very happy to help if they can

btw mt boys are 10 and 11 now and PIL have never had the boys ever (both retaired now and very rich) my parents have had the boys a handful of times both sets of parents live 10mins drive away

Choc shoes - I know where you're coming from. My parents look after my DD 2 days a week, and she is in nursery 2 days a week. Every week I thank my lucky stars I am able to have this arrangement as I love my job and would have no choice but to jack it in if they didn't look after her - as childcare costs are astronomical.

I have the flexibility of booking DD into nursery for the inevitable extra days that I need when my parents are on holiday / going to hospital / whatever. I wouldn't feel comfortable having to rely on them totally as I appreciate they are doing me a huge huge favour.

I would highly recommend getting a contingensy (sp?) plan in of some sort to avoid this in the future. Even if it means putting your DC into nursery one day a week or something.

HTH xx