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AIBU?

To be sick of all the negativity, especially from DH!

23 replies

NegativeNedsAndNancies · 09/10/2022 21:35

Is it just me or are people (mostly DH, tbh) generally a lot more anti-social/negative post-covid?

Some examples:

One of DH's cycling buddies has moved to Australia, and whenever he hears from his friend (which is very often as he's understandably excited and often sends pictures of the town he's in), DP will moan about how it is 'just facts' that the grass is greener over there and that anyone who has the ability to 'is stupid if they don't get up and leave ASAP'.

More on DH, he spends hours every single day on reddit and I've told him I don't want to hear it but every day I am treated to some spiel about how stupid people are, how terrible the country is, how every movie coming out is awful, how everyone has an ulterior motive etc. We were thinking of ttc but it's such a turn off having to listen to all this.

Early 30s and no one in my friend group seems to want to leave their house anymore since everyone's now WFH. We used to go out for a nice brunch or some coffee maybe once a month. But now it's 'too much effort to go out' and in fact in the group chat it's even a sort of pride point to mention how long since you've left the house or spoken to someone else (aside from spouses/partners) IRL!

I like my job, great pay, good perks, interesting work, and yet the colleagues I work closest with are incredibly cynical. One believes that women only see men as 'providers' and (it's a very casual, 'young' office environment which has its pros and cons) would often talk about how women on tinder are just there to use him. Another 'takes no shit' which is good but not when he will only work from 9pm onwards to the wee hours of the morning (project based so it doesn't matter when you work as long as you complete it by the deadline) and projects take a lot longer to complete because I'm not there to reply to his emails or questions when he's awake and vice versa!

It's all really getting to me these days. I'm not looking for sunshine and rainbows, obviously, but I don't remember people being so negative or 'cold', IYSWIM?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

47 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
4%
You are NOT being unreasonable
96%
TheHoover · 09/10/2022 21:44

YANBU but oh my gosh there is just so much to be negative about.

”I’m in a really bad place at the moment. Not mentally, I’m in the UK”

Eunoia · 09/10/2022 21:45

I agree people are getting increasingly more negative and depressing. I think it's because the world is getting madder and madder. Pandemic, cost of living increasing exponentially, ridiculous wokery, social media madness, war in Ukraine, potential nuclear attack, etc etc. The media catastrophizing every other little thing can't help either.

KangarooKenny · 09/10/2022 21:47

Staying away from the news is very liberating.

MMMarmite · 09/10/2022 21:48

Your friend group sound mad! I'd be heading out and looking for some new friends.

EmmaH2022 · 09/10/2022 21:48

Did your DH want to be subject to the extreme bonkers lockdown in Oz? Maybe ask him and see if he shuts up about that one. I loved visiting Australia but would never go again after that.

have you told him you're tired of him moaning?

I will happily go for cocktails or coffee if you are in North London!

EmmaH2022 · 09/10/2022 21:49

I also avoid media.

MiddleParking · 09/10/2022 21:50

I don’t see this in my friendship group, tbh. Actually if anything we’re all keener to go out having been restricted for so long. I’d try and find some new friends tbh. Also your husband sounds like a pain in the arse, I hate that kind of moaning.

Autumnbutstillhot · 09/10/2022 22:09

Yes, I was thinking this recently…most people just don’t seem as happy as pre covid…myself included, I really try but it’s hard

NegativeNedsAndNancies · 09/10/2022 22:11

EmmaH2022 · 09/10/2022 21:48

Did your DH want to be subject to the extreme bonkers lockdown in Oz? Maybe ask him and see if he shuts up about that one. I loved visiting Australia but would never go again after that.

have you told him you're tired of him moaning?

I will happily go for cocktails or coffee if you are in North London!

Oz is his newest 'just facts the grass is greener there' obsession. Before his friend moved there the two countries he latched onto were Sweden and Japan! Think he's wearing some sort of rose-tinted glasses and believes that he will magically be happy once he moves countries. Asked him what he wanted me to do about his situation or to go moan on reddit since he's on there for hours and hours anyway and was called unsympathetic! I was sympathetic but there's a limit especially when his issues are sometimes about some argument he had with some random on reddit he doesn't know and will never meet!!

Not in North London, sadly. Would take you up on that cocktail/coffee offer otherwise! Grin

OP posts:
Dougieowner · 09/10/2022 22:18

I don't recognise this behaviour at all, either at work or at home.
I would hate to be surrounded by so much negativity, doom & gloom.

Merlott · 09/10/2022 22:29

Well if it's so shit here and he wants to move then why doesn't he? Seriously tell him to F off and do it. Put his money where his mouth is.

Otherwise get a grip and make the most of it. Life is too short to be so freaking miserable.

Do you know what really blows my mind. Is how long, years, decades, people can spend being completely miserable. All while believing they are genuinely victims of life. My mother has done it all her life. Anything positive or happy is dismissed, anything negative is examined and discussed at great length endlessly. She is an expert in turning the positive into a negative. The mental gymnastics are astounding.

Like, yes, there is shitty stuff in life but for God's sake why wallow in misery? Who is that going to help? How will that improve anything? How is that even enjoyable. Yes it might take some mental effort but life is there for the taking. Get out there and just do something, anything.

But you know, this is counter cultural. The English culture is one of moaning and passivity. "Hanging on in quiet desperation".

Summerhillsquare · 09/10/2022 22:33

I'm afraid he's hit middle age, a lot of them get like this.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 09/10/2022 22:34

I totally recognise this.

I've been trying to work out how to put a parental block on his phone so he can't watch so much Jordan Peterson/MRA shite.

only semi joking

EmmaH2022 · 09/10/2022 22:34

OP "I was sympathetic but there's a limit especially when his issues are sometimes about some argument he had with some random on reddit he doesn't know and will never meet!!"

I guess this will happen more as online interactions get more important. I have had loads of issues with post lockdown loneliness but hopefully I won't get like that! Japan and Sweden, hmm, I wonder if his perceptions are real.

I did want to live in California but not the point that I was slating England.

NegativeNedsAndNancies · 09/10/2022 22:38

Anything positive or happy is dismissed, anything negative is examined and discussed at great length endlessly. She is an expert in turning the positive into a negative.

This is exactly it!!! Someone is happy about something? DH thinks they're not actually happy, they're acting, there's nothing to be happy about if they really knew the truth, it's all temporary anyway etc. Someone did something negative or something bad happened? DH thinks his whole world view is validated and will not hesitate to tell me that he was right all along and that the country is shit/people are trash/everything is awful. But of course, there's nothing he can do about it and it's all the fault of human nature or god knows what!!

OP posts:
entropynow · 09/10/2022 22:41

And of course the first comment is, " yes, he's right, the UK is the worst"🙄
Get some bloody perspective already, people.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 09/10/2022 22:46

I can't stress how important it is that you choose the right person to have a child with. If someone is negative prior to having a child then imagine them when they're completely knackered and stressed. This may well not be the right man for you.

Flowersintheattic57 · 09/10/2022 22:46

The grass is greener when you water it more. He is surrounded by misery because that is what he is watering.
I would get away from all that toxicity and focus on new friendship groups and activities.
Anytime he starts moaning shut him down firmly. Tell him you don’t want to hear it.

EmmaH2022 · 09/10/2022 22:48

OP "Someone is happy about something? DH thinks they're not actually happy, they're acting, there's nothing to be happy about if they really knew the truth, it's all temporary anyway etc."

that usually comes from people who are jealous, I find. I still remember a cutting remark from a close friend when I was really excited about buying a home. Jealousy, or very fixed opinions about what should make people happy. Maybe it's just a phase.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/10/2022 22:51

Genuinely, the only time I even think about Covid is when it’s banged on about mentioned on mn. Nobody in my life is talking about it.

NegativeNedsAndNancies · 10/10/2022 07:11

EmmaH2022 · 09/10/2022 22:48

OP "Someone is happy about something? DH thinks they're not actually happy, they're acting, there's nothing to be happy about if they really knew the truth, it's all temporary anyway etc."

that usually comes from people who are jealous, I find. I still remember a cutting remark from a close friend when I was really excited about buying a home. Jealousy, or very fixed opinions about what should make people happy. Maybe it's just a phase.

Can only hope it's just a phase. DH wasn't like this before. Sure, everyone has bad days and we all moan now and then but 2 years of being perpetually online and the online world feels like it has become their entire life now for DH and lots of my friends. We were always a bit more 'homebound' to begin with (we would often meet online to play video games together Blush instead of go out but there was always some sort of balance then) but never to this extent.

DH especially, always ramps up the unhappiness after hours spent on reddit and will only see negative side of everything and never the positives. It's so incessant.

And yes, I get the irony of me being here moaning about DH but I'm seriously sick of it all and talking to him or suggesting he see a professional or even do literally anything is like speaking to a brick wall because there's' nothing he can do anyway'.

OP posts:
mamabear715 · 10/10/2022 08:49

Urgh, sounds awful, @NegativeNedsAndNancies
I can't bear being around negativity. I try to help other people, & every morning I sit in my garden (yes, it's a bit nippy, but I'm a smoker!) and thank God for my blessings, both of which seem to keep me happy & content.
Maybe your DH needs to get off his arse & do the same - although how you'll achieve this, I'm not sure.. hugs, it would all get me down too. xx

TheCatterall · 10/10/2022 15:09

NegativeNedsAndNancies · 09/10/2022 22:11

Oz is his newest 'just facts the grass is greener there' obsession. Before his friend moved there the two countries he latched onto were Sweden and Japan! Think he's wearing some sort of rose-tinted glasses and believes that he will magically be happy once he moves countries. Asked him what he wanted me to do about his situation or to go moan on reddit since he's on there for hours and hours anyway and was called unsympathetic! I was sympathetic but there's a limit especially when his issues are sometimes about some argument he had with some random on reddit he doesn't know and will never meet!!

Not in North London, sadly. Would take you up on that cocktail/coffee offer otherwise! Grin

Another offer for coffee or cocktails but from the north west - Lancashire/Yorkshire.

solidarity against the negative ninnies and nincompoops.

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