To think this is it for me..
Catnamedhoolahoop · 09/10/2022 20:20
I'm early forties, mum of two and about to divorce my nasty, cheating, verbally and financially abusive H...
I live in a small town and not met another man in all these 20 years that i've been with my H that i'd be attracked to. I still physically fancy him, but just can't live through another year being treated like this.
Is there any hope for me? Im not young and gorgeous, and i wont be moving anywhere to unsettle my dc. I miss sex (havent had any for over a year) but im really scared that i will never meet anyone again or that if i do, they'll turn out to be another asshole..
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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LolaButt · 09/10/2022 20:24
Well done for getting out of a terrible marriage.
Rather than focussing on the next man, perhaps think about what you can do to make yourself happy with you. Being ok in your own company? Then you may find that the type of man you’re attracted to is different to what you’re thinking of now.
Shitty relationships make out self worth plummet. It’s the years of grinding you down that is making you question this stuff.
WhatsAVideo · 09/10/2022 20:25
Mid 30s, divorced an abusive asshole at 28, have been single ever since and couldn’t give a crap about meeting another man.
As for sex? Well, I invested in brilliant sex toys and more recently, a subscription to TryQuinn.
Catnamedhoolahoop · 09/10/2022 20:34
I realise i came accross a bit needy in my post.. i really am not looking for the next man at all. I have been doing so well to strip the blinkers of my eyes to see my h for who he really is. I adore my dc and don't even want anyone living in my house as long as they are here with me.
But im already feeling so lonely. And will be even more lonely when H finally moves out. I very much want him to, but i miss having a life partner (i won't miss him iyswim)
HighlandPony · 09/10/2022 20:35
Stop focusing on meeting someone. If you want sex just have some. Have some fantastic no strings sex with whoever you bloody want and enjoy it! If someone comes along you want to hitch your trailer to then fine but if not just enjoy a bit if freedom to do what you want.
WhatsAVideo · 09/10/2022 20:40
I’m lonely, despite having a bunch of close friends, simply because they’re happily married and so are either working or busy with family stuff most weekends, although my youngest is with me 24/7 as she’s the only child of the abuser who doesn’t have contact. My teens are often out.
Sometimes I watch TV shows/a movie, but mostly I’m reading books because I went 5 years without reading as I was too exhausted so I have quite the catch up to do, or I teach myself a new skill - knitting is an ongoing one.
But as you know, there are far worse things to feel than lonely.
Rapunzel22 · 09/10/2022 20:43
This is something that goes through most divorcing women's heads I believe. Yes you will get some who declare that it is the end of relationships for them but don't let yourself be a victim of this man for the rest of your life. In time you may meet someone else. You are young. I was 55 when I divorced and am married very happily now. Take some time though for yourself to recover.
Catnamedhoolahoop · 09/10/2022 20:44
Im just being really incoherent. Sorry! Im not even looking for a partner. I just loved being married and having a family and a life partner, which is why i put up with so much crap from him i guess. If it wasnt this intolerable i would still hang on.
I mourn for the life i thought i had, but it was a fake life in reality. I thought i was loved by him but ive had to accept that i never was. Maybe im wondering if i will ever experience a real-love relationship where you both have each others best interest at heart. It doesn't look likely.
Catnamedhoolahoop · 09/10/2022 20:48
@Rapunzel22 That's lovely. Im happy you've found happiness after your divorce.
Thatsthatthen87 · 09/10/2022 20:49
At this point, after my bf has yet again told me we're finished because I won't walk on eggshells , I don't even give a shit if I never have to be in another shitty relationship. Is it really worth it?
Good luck to you OP ❤
Catnamedhoolahoop · 09/10/2022 21:04
@Thatsthatthen87 sorry to hear you're going through this too. I agree, its better be alone than with someone shit. Just why do they have to be so shit!!
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