To find it weird how different people's lives turn out?
cinnamonmon · 09/10/2022 18:56
I'm 26 and can't help but look at the people I went to school with and just find it so weird how differently lives pan out. We were all born in the same year, have had the same amount of time on Earth, relatively similar upbringings and yet our lives are all so different.
For example, quite a few of those I went to school with are married, homeowners or have children. In the years we've left school they have found their long-term partners, saved up enough to buy a property, have children, start careers. In the same amount of time I've not really done much... I've been to university and got a master's and started my career but I'm still on a low salary, single and can't afford to live on my own.
It's been 10 years since I left school, which is a long time, but at the same time feels like no time at all.
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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Dyawannafeelhowitfeels · 10/10/2022 14:11
Ohshitiveturnedintomymother · 10/10/2022 13:52
I do thanks, two actually and a post grad qualification. The majority of my friends do too. They are not that uncommon at all.
man’s no, I’m not being overly negative. I got a real sense of ‘I’ve studied and all they’ve done is settle down so why is my life worse?’ from the op
So you’re using your anecdotal evidence to dismiss actual statistics of people who have Masters degrees? They’re objectively not common.
OP literally said In the same amount of time I've not really done much … and you think that she’s looking down on people who settle down? Ridiculous.
@cinnamonmon Comparison is indeed the thief of joy. You don’t have to do everything at the same time as everyone else. I imagine you’re working in your dream career, have qualifications that you’ll always have… there’s time to find a nice partner etc and have kids.
I love thinking about how decisions change your life. Bad ones - met abusive ex on a night out on Valentine’s Day after last minute deciding to meet up with a mate - years of abuse and therapy ensued. Always wished I stayed at home and watched SATC like I planned. My friend had a baby when she was 16 (were 32 now) and she’s just off to uni! My Nana was engaged to another man before she married my grandad… I think it’s really interesting to see how little (or big decisions) can change the course of your life!
talknomore · 10/10/2022 14:21
I remember feeling the same at 35. My friend told me - consider yourself lucky, some of her friends at that age were burned out already with exhaustive careers and long hour jobs. there are advantages for each pace of life. You are likely to have 60 years ahead of you so definitely will be able to do what others achieved so far.
HeavensEmbroideredCloths · 10/10/2022 15:12
Wait till a few decades pass there are some awful surprises and some well just surprises.
I have had three friends die, one was only 40, she had just had her first book published. A long marriage broke down just after lockdown, that was a huge shock.
You can strive as hard as you like but we actually have far less influence than we think really.
Howappropriate · 14/10/2022 23:51
Im 43 and don't have many life lessons to impart, but I would like to share that when you are younger milestones feel really important- the big job, the marker of success, whatever that is for you. And then once you get there, its doesn't complete you in the way you thought it would. Or if feels less exciting that you expected.
So enjoy your life, have fun, and don't race to meet societies expectations. Joy and challenges come in different ways for all of us xxx
Sceptre86 · 15/10/2022 18:22
I'm 10 years older than you at 36 and have all you've described now. A good work life balance, my own home, a lovely husband and 3 kids. At your age I had been to uni, got my masters and was working full time. I couldn't have afforded house in an area I would have wanted to live in back then but I did buy a flat.
I've recently joined Facebook (I know very late) and have reconnected with a lot of friends from school, college and uni. Most did degees and have partners, not all work within those areas and not all have kids. One of my best friends at school went to uni, got married at 21 and has 4 kids. The other went to uni in another country, became a nurse she works in a specialist cancer hospital and has excelled career wise, no partner or kids. Another was so clever at school but went off the rails at college, never went to uni but now has her own cake business, lovely husband and 2 girls. Another friend was always very shy and never excelled academically but she runs her own catering business now and recently got married. I'm glad they are all happy. There were a few people that I knew who now have addiction problems and who's lives have worked out quite differently. At 16 you leave school with so much promise, it's really interesting in terms if how life experiences and the people around us impact and shape our lives.
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