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AIBU?

Being bad mouthed

10 replies

ThrowingSomeCrumbs · 09/10/2022 13:45

I have had a serious, significant health issue this year. Anyone close to me, who asks after me, or see's me, knows about it, but it wasn't 'announced' on Facebook, so there a lot of people that don't actually know. I don't do the whole posting every single health woe on there.

A friend was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier in the year. It was stage 1, she had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy. She's not one of my closest friends, a 'friend for now' rather than a friend for life type thing.

I've been told a recent Facebook post by her was an unsubtle dig at me. A "you know who your real friends are, I'll never forgive being abandoned" type post. I was very much there for her during her surgery and radiotherapy. Care parcels, let her bend my ear, and took her kids (teenage) out w couple of times. Then I had my own medical problem, and will admit I got a bit tied up with that. At no point has she asked how I am or I would have told her. She saw me briefly at local shops, where I was using a walking stick, and she didn't ask about it.

I obviously need to tell her why she has been 'abandoned' by me. But I don't want it to sound like an excuse - or for her to know that actually her post upset me. Or do I just roll my eyes (though knowing she is probably saying it to other friends does bother me)

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

19 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
32%
You are NOT being unreasonable
68%
ShellGrotto · 09/10/2022 13:49

This sounds completely mad and juvenile -- it's all hearsay, quite apart from anything else. You weren't named. Presumably she may have other friends who genuinely dropped her after her diagnosis. You also sound as if you disapprove of her decision to announce her cancer on social media.

I would ignore and concentrate on your own recovery. Best wishes for better health.

Wdib78 · 09/10/2022 13:51

It could be that she is aiming it at someone else.
I once read a friends post thinking it was aimed at me as we had had a little falling out, turns out she was aiming it at someone else totally.
If you had been there for her like you said it wbu of her to claim you had abandoned her.

SerenaTee · 09/10/2022 13:52

I’d ignore it unless you know for sure it was about you. And I’d tell whoever felt it necessary to stir the pot by telling me the post was about me to keep that sort of info to herself next time.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/10/2022 14:07

You don’t know it was about you. The person who told you is shit stirring.

ThrowingSomeCrumbs · 09/10/2022 15:06

I'd not thought about it being the third person shit stirring. Thinking not my strong point these days.

I'm more annoyed than upset about it actually. The third person is someone who thrives on drama, and likes to post on FB about all they do for others.

And I'm not judging her for posting on Facebook about her cancer. I guess that comment was more about some who do post every tiny little thing about their health on Facebook! Reminds me to put some people back on mute actually.

OP posts:
Youdoyoutoday · 09/10/2022 15:13

A friend doesn't see another friend using a walking stick and not ask about it, how could you not?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/10/2022 15:15

Kindly, I think you’re probably giving this way more headspace than it deserves. If you were on top form, you’d probably never even consider it was aimed at you. And I think, on balance, if you’ve not known her to in general be a bit of a cow then it likely wasn’t, as you’ve done plenty before having your own health issues. And tbh, if you do find out it was aimed at you, then she’s done you a favour by showing her true colours.

I hope you’re better soon.

ScottishLavender · 09/10/2022 15:16

As already mentioned, I think the person who told you this was shit-stirring.

INeverSawAPurpleCow · 09/10/2022 15:19

surely the third person could have told her you'd been ill?

Youdoyoutoday · 09/10/2022 15:22

INeverSawAPurpleCow · 09/10/2022 15:19

surely the third person could have told her you'd been ill?

This too if 3rd friend knows!

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