To think my friend isn't being much of a friend at the moment?

[FattyAirways]

I've been best friends with someone now for many years. We both struggle with depression, although are both very careful not to overload each other with our negative feelings. We both agree that we have enough to deal with ourselves.

Just lately, I have been feeling really depressed and have had thoughts that I would be better off not here. I told my friend by text that I am feeling this way, but then he doesn't reply. Knowing I am feeling this way, I invited him round for a quick brew the other day and despite having a largely free day he said he couldn't. I knew he had a free day, he told me so, he just wanted to go home instead. He was in my area when I texted inviting him round.

Instead of being encouraging, my friend often says that I am sensitive and he sort of pokes me when I am down, saying i'm being grumpy.

He also seems to not reply to my texts when I am doing well. For instance, yesterday a few texts back and forth were about him, but then I had told him I had been out and had a great day and was feeling really well in myself and he stopped the text conversation dead. He read my messages but didn't reply and still hasn't.

Am I expecting too much of this friendship?

I think if he’s also unwell you need to accept that stuff could be going on with him that you don’t know about and he doesn’t want to burden you with. I think it would be goood for you to seek support from proffesionals

He doesn't sound like much of a friend and is trying to put some distance between you both. Maybe the friendship has run it's course. Try not to contact him again, see if he contacts you. If he doesn't or it's all about him, then you have your answer. Hopefully you have other people in your life you can talk to instead?

You’re not a good match as friends. He’s not that into it. He doesn’t want to celebrate you when you’re feeling good or support when you’re down.

Do you have other friends who are better at connecting? If so focus on them, if not then pour some energy into making some.

Depression manifests on different ways for different people and it looks different on all of us.
It sounds like your friend might not have the energy to be there for someone else while he's not mentally strong right now, it's not necessarily down to what kind of friend he is but how much he can do in way of thinking about someone else at the moment.
Depression might be making him feel like his problems are worse than yours and that's why he calls you sensitive and he might not like seeing you doing well because he's not. It sounds like he's in self-destruction mode where he's lashing out because she's not feeling good.
To be honest the best thing might be for you to put some distance between you. You have to protect yourself.
Sometimes we think things like this we have in common help bond us, but it just creates more of a toxic environment occasionally. Try not to hold it against him without speaking to him about it, but for now it's possibly for the best you pull away for a bit and keep your own mental health safe rather than be a part of him struggling with his.

He doesn't sound like a good friend . He wants you as a sounding board for his feelings and ego. When you need support he can't be bothered because that's tedious. When you're doing well he doesn't want to hear it because he's envious.

He's what is known as "fairweather friend".

You say he also suffers with depression, which I think is the key thing here. He may be feeling overwhelmed with his own stuff which may manifest differently to yours and unable to be the kind of flexible, available responsive friend you want. It's no one's fault, it's just a poor friendship match.

I should also point out that, in fairness, many people who aren't depressed might struggle with being asked to come round to support someone who has told them they are contemplating suicide. That's quite a tall order for someone regardless of how they are feeling in themselves.

Sorry, the strikeout was accidental!

I love your user name @ShellGrotto

Are you from Margate by any chance?

Sorry OP for the derail!

No, I don't even live in the UK any more, and though I did, for decades, I never got to Margate! I needed a new username, and am sitting in a room with a big jar of shells and seaglass, hence the name.