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AIBU?

Overenthusiastic Parents at Kids Football

37 replies

Oysterbabe · 09/10/2022 08:35

DD is 6 and plays football in a mixed team. All the children are in Y2, so vast majority are 6. It's supposed to be fun and friendly and we have silent sidelines. This means that you clap and cheer for any child that does well, irrespective of team, and you don't shout instructions.

They played a local school recently and the parents and the coach were shouting the entire time. The coach kept shouting 'Get into them!', which seems excessively aggressive for the kind of match that it was. The parents were as bad and there were constant shouts of 'space!' and 'chase her down!' etc. One of our team is a little boy with SEN and is no bigger than a 4 year old.

It all just seems a bit much. AIBU to think that this behaviour is not really on or is this just part and parcel of competitive sport?

We won by the way.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

99 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
23%
You are NOT being unreasonable
77%
LemonDrop22 · 09/10/2022 08:37

What utter dickheads.

BakedTattie · 09/10/2022 08:38

Well obviously YANBU.

PaperPalace · 09/10/2022 08:39

Unfortunately this won't stop, in fact it will get worse as your DD gets older.

TofuonToast · 09/10/2022 08:41

This gets so much worse as they get older. I’ve seen parents of the opposition shout abuse at the kids/make the ref cry/argue with the other parents/shout at the coaches. It’s insane.

LittleBrenda · 09/10/2022 08:43

My dd played for a team where the coach used to squash any shouted from the sidelines. There were signs and he used to go over to the people doing it if anyone shouted or coached.

Sadly the team folded and dd went to a new team and she only lasted one match.

Who wants to spend their Saturday morning being shouted at by adult men?

uggmum · 09/10/2022 08:44

I have a field behind my house which a local football club rent.

They use it for their youth teams. Mainly under 10s.

Some of these children are really little. Around 5 I would say.

The noise and language from some of the parents is disgraceful. Excessive shouting and swearing. It's constant throughout the game. There was an instance when 2 parents started fighting.

These are grown men that think they are football Manager's. They need to grow up. I feel sorry for the poor players having to cope with constant criticism from sideline parents

BrilliantGreenFlamingo · 09/10/2022 08:46

We quit partly coz of this. Grown men shouting at five year olds and calling them useless. Shouting ‘why did you do that?! That was a stupid thing to do!’ And then kids looking mortified. Knobheads

carrierbags · 09/10/2022 08:51

It's mainly kids football that attracts such behaviour in the sidelines. My children play lots of team sports and it's always football. I've also seen this resulting in physical fights between parents, men and women. This has happened since u6 and we're currently at u12.
As it happens the league have just cancelled next weeks match due to ref abuse this week. I just don't understand the mentality of these people and how they don't also realise how much this is scaring the children.

LuffleGro · 09/10/2022 08:52

The stories of parent behaviour at football locally are the main reason I never took my dc to football. From everything I heard it only gets worse as they get older. I knew plenty of lovely parents with dc who played so I know it is a minority but it happened enough that they were horrified by what they saw every week and I just didn't want to get into that.

BonesOfWhatYouBelieve · 09/10/2022 08:55

We took DD to a toddler/young kids football thing over summer. Age range for her group was 2.5-4 years. It was mainly the children running around aimlessly while the enthusiastic coaches valiantly tried to coordinate some sort of game (not actual football games, just little games involving balls).
Even this had a couple of dickhead dads (and it was always the dads). One whinged that the other children weren't as good as his son and so were "holding him back" 🙄
I dread to think what he'll be like if his son is ever in an actual competitive game.

Legoninjago1 · 09/10/2022 09:00

Ugh that's sad. Mine are 6 and 8 and I've never seen that to be honest. Id stop going if it was a club. At school matches I probably shout a little too much I think, but it's always positive and just go on, good shot, great save - stuff like that - for both sides.

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 09/10/2022 09:08

I honestly didnt think that percentage of posters would think you are unreasonable OP

it happens and its a dreadful thing to happen, in my obviously limited experience it tends to be men. My friends child refused to play football at infants school because her dad kept yelling, i know when he got to be coach that this didnt stop and has put a lot of children off

this also happened with random parents at regular football matches and at the end of coaching sessions, worst ive seen was a friendly match between dads and the 8 year olds 😳, very distasteful seeing grown men getting stupidly excited cos they beat a team of 8 year olds

Unglamorousgranny · 09/10/2022 09:14

God I was hoping this would have stopped by now. I've been off the children's/youth football treadmill for 10 years & it's always been like this, parents never change. They all think their dc are the next greatest footballer & that they have the potential to play professionally for England. 99.9% of the time they're not & it will never happen!
Plus they might be good at local level but put them up against kids nationally & they're not. My own ds became a scholar at a local professional club after leaving school, but the club was only in D2. Some of his team mates became so arrogant & big headed, as did their parents. Then they had to play Liverpool academy & my god they got such a reality check 🤣 Liverpool ran rings around then & were a totally different class. Good experience for then all but nothing like a good wake up call to bring them all down to earth 🤣🤣
If their dc last long enough through all the shouting these dick head parents will get a shock one day!

ButtOutBobsMum · 09/10/2022 09:17

Welcome to grassroots football. The only place where adults think it is perfectly acceptable to verbally abuse other people's children Angry

I tolerated 10 years of it and have seen the most horrific behaviour. It's not as bad now as it used to be but there's still a long way to go. Good luck OP-you have my sympathies!

BertieQueen · 09/10/2022 09:26

Totally agree it’s disgusting how children are spoken to but fully grown adults during these games.

my son started football when he was 5/6years old, he last 2 months before he stopped as he couldn’t take the shouting at him and the other players. He asked to join again last year when he started secondary school. I was very hesitant but he insisted he would be fine and would let it go over his head. He has been playing over a year now and enjoying it. He ignores the screaming and swearing around him and gets on with the game…I sit on the sidelines biting my lip so I don’t say something to the swearing idiots.

TeenDivided · 09/10/2022 09:29

...we have silent sidelines. This means that you clap and cheer for any child that does well, irrespective of team, and you don't shout instructions.

Silent Sidelines sounds fab. It should be compulsory for any under 11 team. Why wasn't it enforced for the match you are talking about OP, or it it just your own team's choice?

Boomboom22 · 09/10/2022 09:34

It I'd awful behaviour but I think standard in football dad's of a certain type, but then I hate football and the whole worship around it. I think the paid footballers are horrific role models and wouldn't ever want my kids exposed to a live game of say man u due to the behaviour (drunken, swear, violent and misogynistic) of the fans. No better in the pub. No other sport sends people mad like this!

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 09/10/2022 09:35

We had to sign a contract to say we wouldn't be yelling from the sidelines at games amongst other things when ds joined a club. So far (he's 7) I haven't seen anything particularly obnoxious. Certainly the matches seem good natured.

Oysterbabe · 09/10/2022 09:36

The whole league should be silent sidelines. We've only started matches this year and have played 3. In 1 of them there were a few shouts. 1 was fine and the 3rd was this one, where it was constant. I'm not sure who would enforce it, it's all volunteers, the coaches are parents and probably didnt want to cause a scene, especially as the main culprit was a coach. There has been talk of complaining to the school about it as clearly they need reminding 🙄

OP posts:
GyozaGuiting · 09/10/2022 09:39

I’m a competitive person and love team sports and I would never ever do this! It annoys me when people do this to adults let alone kids.

I play a sport and we get some supporters, the ‘go team’ type vibe is fine. But yesterday we had a bloke shouting stuff like you’ve said the ‘get into them’, ‘you’re all over them now’ ‘see they’re weak, capitalise!!’….we beat them 6-0, so it obviously didn’t work 😂

Oh and when this happens it’s always a bloke who has never played our sport.

TeenDivided · 09/10/2022 09:42

I guess in an ideal world the ref would stop the game and remind parents. But as volunteers it's pretty hard. A word to the school sounds a good idea and/or a complaint to the league?

Simonjt · 09/10/2022 09:57

Are they a regulated team, or is it not an official league? (Not sure on the rules where football teams are concerned).

My son plays rugby, player conduct and spectator conduct is very strictly enforced, we have a one strike and you’re out rule for spectators.

AnnieDav · 09/10/2022 09:59

We stopped taking our eldest to football for this reason. He used to play for a small local
team (was a group of 4-5 year olds!) and they only played kids from other groups within the same team but there would be parents yelling on the sidelines. Ridiculous.

Morph22010 · 09/10/2022 10:05

My son goes to inclusive football which is mainly kids with asd and adhd. There is no shouting from parents at matches. Parents have to attend a respect talk once a year where this is explained. Not sure why all kids games don’t do the same. Apparently the fa did a study into bad bahaviour on the pitch by kids and the number one reason wasn’t them copying premier league players, it was parents!

Rotherweird · 09/10/2022 10:05

it sounds like your team has a great ethos. My DC plays for a team where the parents are really nice and supportive. We often play teams where the supporters and players are more aggressive (older DC than yours). We laugh and roll our eyes and are grateful that our DC play for a team with a good team and supporter spirit.

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