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AIBU?

Grounding a 16 yo

19 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 08/10/2022 23:33

Do you think it is reasonable to ground a 16 yo on the basis that they have been told to stop using their phone by 10pm, but continue to use it until 3am?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

21 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
86%
You are NOT being unreasonable
14%
TheSausageKingofChicago · 08/10/2022 23:35

No

Inmyonesie · 08/10/2022 23:35

I don't ground my 16yo. He gets natural consequences. Stays up til 3am then he is shattered the next day. I find the more push back I give, the more he did his heels in.

Brigante9 · 08/10/2022 23:35

Can you take it off them? End the contract? (Nuclear option, I know)

FlissyPaps · 08/10/2022 23:35

10pm seems a bit early to stop using a phone. I also wouldn’t ground a 16yo over a phone.

What is it about using it til 3am that bothers you?

  • Their sleep will be disturbed/lack of sleep
  • Using data/extra costs
  • Keeping others awake due to noise/music/phone calls
Ihatethenewlook · 08/10/2022 23:37

It would make more sense to confiscate her phone imo

Newcatbrowntail · 08/10/2022 23:39

They’re getting to the age where they need to manage themselves, I’d let them do it , I might mention they’ll be tired the next day! But that’s it. I used to regularly read until that time cos no different really.

Jessibeth · 08/10/2022 23:40

Is it really the answer though? Taking kids’ phones away seems to be a knee-jerk reaction to everything. Surely at 16, he/she will have to start to moderate their own use. I can’t see what good it serves in the long run…

FunnysInLaJardin · 08/10/2022 23:41

thanks for your replies. This is DS's GF who wasn't able to meet him today as she was grounded for using her phone until after 10pm.

From what I have seen of her she is a sweet, intelligent, and very sensible 16 yo.

I was utterly astounded that any parent would ground a 16yo in such circumstances. I have never in my life grounded either of my boys who are 12 and 16

OP posts:
GinIronic · 08/10/2022 23:42

No - not reasonable at all. Leave them to it.

TeeBee · 08/10/2022 23:42

At 16 I wasn't laying down the law unless there was a safety issue. I'd be more 'do you think it's a good idea to use your phone so late? Are you feeling like shite this morning? Hahahahaha'.

HighlandPony · 08/10/2022 23:43

No. At sixteen they’re an adult. I lived in my own and supported myself at that age. I’d be mortified if someone told me I couldn’t use my phone after ten

FunnysInLaJardin · 08/10/2022 23:44

I almost couldn't believe it tbh, and wondered if it was an excuse for her not to meet him.

Hence the mn jury question

OP posts:
Testina · 08/10/2022 23:44

You know that children who are sweet, intelligent and sensible to other people’s parents can be a challenge on occasion at home, right?

The version you have is grounded for using the phone - could be grounded for some high level back chat over being told off.

So no, I wouldn’t ground for phone use - but you don’t necessarily have the full story here 🤷🏻‍♀️

FlibbertyGiblets · 08/10/2022 23:47

No point in grounding, if the kid wanted to go out they just would, then what are you going to do? Lock the house from the inside, hide the key (emergency evacuation risk, or they exit out of a window) Don't go nose to nose at this age if you can help it. Natural consequences - up all night? Tired next day. Try to take a deep breath, no over-reacting, (difficult, I know) de-escalate where you can, this is not the hill to die on.

FlibbertyGiblets · 08/10/2022 23:48

oh, x post. Very controlling parents, or perhaps yes, an excuse to not meet him. Tricky.

AriettyHomily · 08/10/2022 23:48

No. You're presumably on your phone when you posted.

FunnysInLaJardin · 08/10/2022 23:49

Testina · 08/10/2022 23:44

You know that children who are sweet, intelligent and sensible to other people’s parents can be a challenge on occasion at home, right?

The version you have is grounded for using the phone - could be grounded for some high level back chat over being told off.

So no, I wouldn’t ground for phone use - but you don’t necessarily have the full story here 🤷🏻‍♀️

that's true, I dont have the full picture. Even so I couldn't imagine grounding would work.

My 16 yo self would just have fucked off anyway and hated my parents for it

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 09/10/2022 07:56

No. But my kids had to leave their phones off from 10pm on a school night, until they had completed their GCSE’s.

Untitledsquatboulder · 09/10/2022 08:15

At 16 I would try natural consequences (being tired next day etc) but if that then translated into skipping 6th form, not doing homework, not doing chores etc then I might move to grounding - as in "you can't go out because you need to catch up on X or do y". So I don't think it's entirely clear cut.

And as for totally ignoring me and carrying in regardless, well ùwhen they are old enough to do that they'll be a)totally self funding and b)ready to leave home. I don't work to provide a cushy life for lazy teens.

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