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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is the silent treatment normal?

5 replies

MondayAdams · 08/10/2022 17:37

The silent treatment/stonewalling (although I didn’t realise there were names for it) happened quite a bit in my relationship. We’re now divorcing. My decision after he ignored me for weeks, suggested i wasn’t a good mum and the accused me of abuse at couples counselling amongst other things…

Anyway, we are in the same house for now. We went to mediation but he didn’t like the mediator, he had a solicitor now doesn’t and just generally doesn’t seem to be in a rush to get things sorted. I’ve issued a court application because we can’t go on like this forever.

I’m a bit of a mess (realising he may have been abusive, doubting myself, grieving the life I wanted…) The thing that I’m finding hardest is the silent treatment. He completely ignores me, won’t even look at me, even in front of our primary age DC. He will only communicate by text/email. It has been like this for nearly a year now and it’s really getting me down (understatement..)

I mentioned it to a friend who said ‘well, what did you expect? you’ve filed for divorce’ This wasn’t what I expected though. I don’t expect to be best friends, but I thought we’d be able to be civil for the kids (at least). Am I just crazy and I basically deserve this - the silent treatment for a year?

I feel like I’ve lost all perspective. Any support would be really welcome.

(I’ve posted a bit about the relationship/current situation under another name, but could so with some support)

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 08/10/2022 17:49

It IS upsetting, . That's why he does it. I don't blame you for finding it really hard. And no, you don't deserve it.

The sooner you can split living arrangements the better.

Good luck. Have a gentle arm squeeze.

MondayAdams · 08/10/2022 18:09

Thank you. I needed that arm squeeze.

OP posts:
J0y · 08/10/2022 18:12

It's so passive aggressive. people who give the silent treatment cannot communicate and punish you for their feeling.

Another gentle arm squeeze from me Wine

J0y · 08/10/2022 18:12

For their failing I mean!

Scuttlingherbert · 08/10/2022 18:48

The key thing here for me is that he's prolonging this situation where you're living together and yet making it intolerable for you. Any normal person should either, if they're so upset about the breakup they can't even talk to you without breaking down, try and sort it out as quickly as possible/find somewhere else, or try and be normal until it's eventually sorted.
To me it seems he's enjoying making you feel bad and dragging it out on purpose.

Really sorry you're in this situation.

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