To ask about sponsorship and housing for Ukrainian refugees

[lifeinmidthirties]

I'm thinking about doing this.

Bit late to the party I guess, but hoping that some people who are doing it or who have experience of it could offer me some wisdom or advice.

Thanks

Maybe I should add for context, live with DH and have a 2 year old. 1 spare double room

I think most of them are housed now. There was a huge influx at the start of the war when millions left Ukraine but they've surely all been housed now.

Not if you look on the Facebook pages and other sites set up for sponsors.

But I don't know how much to trust these places, hence why I was hoping for some advice

There is still a need, because those who came at the start of the scheme have been here for 6 months and some are now needing to move placements for various reasons. I'd contact your local council.

I think it's a terrible idea to invite a traumatised stranger to share your home when you have a small child.

We’ve done it and are 4 months in. Overall it’s been a really positive experience. I would say we live alongside each other not together. They are lovely although the language barrier has been hard. Sometimes it’s hard having strangers in your house and we’ve enjoyed it when they’ve gone away for a weekend. I’m aware if they were different people it might have been harder.

It isn't the case that 'everyone has been housed'. I've just become acquainted with a family who arrived a few weeks ago, they had tried to stay in their town for as long as possible but finally made the decision to leave because it was so dangerous (they were quite near the border) The children go to a class that we attend.

A lot of sponsors who signed up for six months are now fed up of the whole thing and so many refugees are looking for a new sponsor. There will probably be local facebook refugee groups for your area OP, I’d start there.

(Personally, no way would I do it with a two year old. Bringing a traumatised stranger from a different culture into the same house as a child is a serious thing to do.)

Ok, thanks for all your input I appreciate it.
For those saying it's a terrible idea with small children is that because you think the "traumatised stranger" will somehow harm the child emotionally? Genuine question

I think money has been an issue, with delays in the council payments and applications for UC. You would need to budget for that and also be clear about whether you want them to contribute to bills, food etc. I haven't done it, as we have no room, but definitely investigate thoroughly before you do it.

I would not do it with a small child. A refugee is most certainly going to take a lot of your time and energy, unless it’s going to be someone who has good English skills and is able to be independent.

Some of the Ukrainians are not traumatized, I can assure you. Upset and anxious yes, but not all of them are trauma victims. Some of course are, having experienced unimaginable horrors.

There are many still wanting to leave and many here in need of another six months of sponsorship. The latter choice will mean a lot of the hard work up front has been done already (and trust me it is a lot of work) though if you go down that route do be sure to check carefully the reasons why someone is looking for a new sponsor - could be entirely benign but many relationships have broken down and you should make sure you understand why and be clear on the likelihood of them being able to move on and live independently in due course.

I won't pretend it has been easy but all in all I'm very glad we helped someone badly in need of sanctuary. We won't look back and regret doing it. There's a helpful thread running already where lots of experienced hosts can give you support and advice if you decide to do it.

Having a new adult in the house is a big change for a toddler.

having a new adult in the house who is likely to be emotionally struggling, doesn’t speak English, and is reliant on the parents for help and support is likely to be a very big, very difficult change for your 2 year old.

they’re too young to understand what’s going on or articulate their feelings about it.

If you decide to do this, I would honestly be prepared for your 2 year old’s behaviour to become very difficult.

In my experience and hindsight, I would offer a home to someone more fluent in English and computer literate and to a single person only...unless you dony mind translating and helping with every little manual thing like booking train tickets and helping them with their banking. I have two teen children, I am hosting a mother and 16yo. They are both very grateful and well behaved however the amount of processing required to get the child a school place has been huge. I had to go through x3 appeals. I wouldn't host another child because I only have so much time and energies to give given I work full time too.

And most importantly I would ask for a monetary contribution up front. There is nothing wrong with asking for a £100 or £150 a month because bills has gone up and its really paying for your time to support them for the first few weeks and then on....they contributing helps redress the imbalance in relationship a little and gets them used to the cost of livinga bit as well as getting rid of that freeloader mentality which I absolutely abore.

I like my Ukrainian guests, I've now given them notice to leave at end of next quarter as it will have been a year already. I'm glad I did but I would do things differently next time.

My DSis is hosting a lady and her teenage daughter. Echo the above that the language barrier has been REALLY difficult. The teen daughter speaks reasonable English but the mum really doesn’t speak a word.
They are nice people but also echo they live alongside and not together. I think whether my sister would admit it there is a bit of anxiousness about how long they expect to stay with her…

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4552566-support-thread-for-those-hosting-refugees-and-advice-for-those-thinking-about-it?page=1

Give this a good read before you make any decisions.

We host a 22 year old. She speaks great English, and is very independent. We have two kids under five who adjusted very quickly to having her in the house and like having her here. She is from Kyiv, not traumatised but her entire life has been upended from COVID then war and she worries a lot about her family back home.

I'm very glad we did it but I also think she's almost the perfect house guest so a lot of it is down to her!