AIBU?
For saying “No” to giving a lift?
DizzyDucky · 08/10/2022 15:20
Me and my younger sibling are early - mid 20’s. Both currently live at home. (Finishing university / relationship breakdown with OH)
I drive, younger sibling doesn’t. I’ve been driving since I was 17. Sibling has always relied on myself, and parents for lifts. We live semi-rural outskirts of a large town. Public transport isn’t the best but it’s decent for our area.
Sibling had plans to meet friends in the next city over. (30-40 minute drive, around 15 minutes if you go by train) They usually travel by train. Because it’s quick.
Today is a train strike. Siblings options to get into town are: Bus, taxi or ask for a lift.
My parents would normally give them a lift. I personally think sibling takes the piss as they are an adult, have a well paying full time job and quite capable or arranging a taxi rather than relying on our parents.
Today they asked if I was busy, I said no but I was staying at home due to having a really bad cold and flu symptoms. They asked if I would be able to give them a lift due to the train strikes. I said “sorry no I feel quite ill and not up for driving. I can call a taxi for you?” Later on I heard my sibling on the phone to our elderly grandparents asking for a lift!
Grandparents must have given them a lift and I’m shocked at the cheekiness.
AIBU for not giving them a lift and thinking they are quite capable of getting themselves from A to B by paying for a taxi or waiting for a bus? Part of me feels a bit mean but I want to stand my ground.
In emergencies I will also give lifts and try to help out where I can but this is taking the piss surely?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
eldora · 08/10/2022 15:27
YANBU I have non-driving siblings and nieces that take the piss too.
They seem to think giving lifts is so easy and never offer petrol money.
I’m glad you said no.
I hope you’re both paying your parents rent money.
misskatamari · 08/10/2022 15:36
Yanbu! They should learn to drive and stop taking the piss!
PorridgewithQuark · 08/10/2022 15:38
I guess the only way you'd be slightly unreasonable on some level might be if your parents paid for you to learn to drive but their financial circumstances changed and they didn't couldn't do the same for your sibling.
Still that'd hardly be your fault.
Why do people say they "don't" drive when they mean "can't". Don't is only appropriate when the individual has a driving license but has made an ideological decision not to drive (which would be hypocrisy if they then asked for lifts obviously!)
LikeTearsInRain · 08/10/2022 15:39
YANBU for saying no to giving them a lift. But why are you so worked up that they asked your grandparents? They are capable of making their own decisions.
Aquamarine1029 · 08/10/2022 15:43
Of course you're not being unreasonable. You already know this. I would keep saying no. Don't enable them to be useless. If they want a lift, they can learn to drive.
DizzyDucky · 08/10/2022 15:46
LikeTearsInRain · 08/10/2022 15:39
YANBU for saying no to giving them a lift. But why are you so worked up that they asked your grandparents? They are capable of making their own decisions.
Of course they are. But I think it’s just cheeky of them to ask as they’re elderly. It would be an hour and 1O minute round trip.
I wouldn’t dream of asking my elderly grandparents (who both have health issues) for a 40 minute lift when there are taxis and buses available to use.
I appreciate that might just be my personal feelings though.
RedHelenB · 08/10/2022 15:51
Why offer to call a taxi? Let them sort it out. Which they did manage by getting GPS to help out. You sound quite sanctimonious though, beyond saying no I don't really see its any of your business.
Seeline · 08/10/2022 15:56
How elderly is elderly?
Do you have your own car, or would you have been giving a lift using your parents' car? If it's yours, I'd start charging petrol at the very least!
girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 16:03
YANBU for not giving them a lift because you don't sound well enough to drive.
WillPowerLite · 08/10/2022 16:06
Even if you were well enough to drive, you are not a taxi service.
DizzyDucky · 08/10/2022 16:06
Why offer to call a taxi? Let them sort it out. Which they did manage by getting GPS to help out. You sound quite sanctimonious though, beyond saying no I don't really see its any of your business.
Believe or not they’ve never ordered a taxi before. Whereas I have, countless times and have many contact numbers for taxi firms.
I never said it was my business, maybe I am sanctimonious over this but I just think they’re royally taking the piss. My family might not agree and that’s okay.
How elderly is elderly?
Do you have your own car, or would you have been giving a lift using your parents' car? If it's yours, I'd start charging petrol at the very least!
78/79.
Yes I have my own car. I would charge petrol money for a long journey.
AriettyHomily · 08/10/2022 16:07
My sister has form for this drives me ducking mad. Uses my mum all the time. I refuse now.
DizzyDucky · 08/10/2022 16:08
America12 · 08/10/2022 15:35
Why haven't they learned to drive ?
They’ve always had the luxury of being able to get lifts. They’ve mentioned starting lessons for the past couple of years now but never got round to it.
EfficientDynamics · 08/10/2022 16:08
America12 · 08/10/2022 15:35
Why haven't they learned to drive ?
Because it's expensive and they are very good at blagging people into giving them lifts
There's zero motivation for them to ever get a licence
Fair play op
SeemsSoUnfair · 08/10/2022 17:00
Yanbu to say no to giving then a lift if you didnt want to, for whatever reason.
Myob for the rest.
sandytooth · 08/10/2022 17:03
Believe or not they’ve never ordered a taxi before. Whereas I have, countless times and have many contact numbers for taxi firms. give them the numbers. Its time they learnt this basic life skill
Mammed · 08/10/2022 17:05
YANBU but then I don't really think she is either. She asked for a lift you said no, she asked someone else, they said yes?
I'm not really seeing the issue tbh. If she physically forced them or blackmailed them into it then it would be different.
My parents don't drive, I'm happy to give them a lift sometimes but other times I can't or just don't want to, they then get the bus or a lift of someone else. I don't find it cheeky when they ask, just as they don't find it unreasonable for me to say no.
PorridgewithQuark · 08/10/2022 17:59
Is your sibling considered vulnerable or fragile by family members?
You got your driving license at 17 (so surely your parents paid for this and were in some way involved, given you still live with your parents now it seems unlikely they're unsupportive) - didn't your parents automatically do the same for your sibling? Did he or she decline the offer?
Never having phoned for a taxi despite not having a driving license, where you have phoned for many taxis, also suggests that for some reason your parents and grandparents treat your sibling as though they are fragile/ helpless/ vulnerable?
DizzyDucky · 08/10/2022 19:30
Is your sibling considered vulnerable or fragile by family members?
No.
You got your driving license at 17 (so surely your parents paid for this and were in some way involved, given you still live with your parents now it seems unlikely they're unsupportive)
They paid for my first block of lessons as a 17th birthday present. I paid for the rest and insurance due to a criminal injuries compensation pay out I received at 16. I also had a part time job which helped fund it. Didn’t buy my car until I was 19 when I saved enough.
didn't your parents automatically do the same for your sibling? Did he or she decline the offer?
I wanted to start driving lesions as soon as I turned 17 because most of my friends were doing the same, I also had a part time job and college to drive to instead of using public transport.
My sibling didn’t want to learn to drive when they turned 17. I’m sure mr parents would have paid for them.
Never having phoned for a taxi despite not having a driving license, where you have phoned for many taxis, also suggests that for some reason your parents and grandparents treat your sibling as though they are fragile/ helpless/ vulnerable?
No vulnerabilities whatsoever. I use taxis when going on nights out where I’d be drinking and can’t drive. Sibling never used a taxi because they always get lifts or use the train.
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