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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH not being appreciative

10 replies

Newmumcw · 08/10/2022 15:00

We were all struck down by COVID for almost a week now, DH and I were both quite ill in the first couple of days. We both have full time jobs but I felt slightly less awful than DH so I took care of our sick toddler for the whole week (which was physically and emotionally very draining), while I was also feeling unwell and fatigue myself.

I was hoping to get a break in the weekend and he would help out more. DH got up earlier than me this morning but again just left me to do the childcare. I got up and before even brushing my teeth I had to go in and get DS who's snotty and miserable, I was running around changing his bedsheet etc and DH was just sat there drinking a cup of tea!! I said it'd be nice if he could help out and at least said hello to DS and check if he's ok?? He actually had the gut to say to me "I've already done a lot this morning" by that he means taking in the supermarket delivery and putting things in the fridge!! He even said he sorts out the bills and house stuff as if he's a superhero for even doing that!! He clearly didn't appreciate how hard it was to do round the clock childcare for a sick child for the whole week. On top of that all the laundry, cooking and cleaning around the house!!

Feeling massively underappreciated and taking for granted like a worthless housemaid. AIBU or does anyone else ever feel like that?? Are men really just idiots like this or just my DH??

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 08/10/2022 15:04

Mine doesn’t and wouldn’t let me struggle while doing fuck all like this. Because he cares about me. It’s not all men.

Sorry you’ve been ill and he’s letting you down so much.

Topgub · 08/10/2022 15:06

Go back to bed and leave him to it

Notimeforaname · 08/10/2022 15:13

Yes hes absolutely could be more appreciative of all you do op. And he should definitely be doing more.
But this stood out to me...
I was running around changing his bedsheet etc and DH was just sat there drinking a cup of tea!!

Unless your child had gotten sick or wet the bed you did not need to be running around changing sheets. You could have had a cuppa/breakfast with your dc first. It was your choice to immediately get up and start housework.

Notimeforaname · 08/10/2022 15:14

But agree with poster above saying go back to bed and leave him to it!!

Newmumcw · 08/10/2022 15:15

Good to know I'm not being unreasonable. He took DS to the park, who's now feeling much better and of course easier to deal with. I went out for a walk by myself and felt a bit better now, he talks to me like nothing happened. I don't think he even realized how insensitive he was being.

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 15:16

Some men are like that and some are not.

Some women allow themselves to be used as doormats and some do not.

Running around changing bedsheets while he was drinking tea for goodness sake 🙄

Newmumcw · 08/10/2022 15:18

Notimeforaname · 08/10/2022 15:13

Yes hes absolutely could be more appreciative of all you do op. And he should definitely be doing more.
But this stood out to me...
I was running around changing his bedsheet etc and DH was just sat there drinking a cup of tea!!

Unless your child had gotten sick or wet the bed you did not need to be running around changing sheets. You could have had a cuppa/breakfast with your dc first. It was your choice to immediately get up and start housework.

His bed was covered in snot so it's definitely need a change.

I'm in bed, DS is napping and I'm leaving him to it!

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 08/10/2022 15:19

Tell him for the next month you’ll swap jobs so you both get an insight into the other’s perspective. You’ll take the shopping in and sort bills and house stuff and anything else he routinely does, and he’ll do what you normally do. After a month you can fairly reassess if either of you is carrying an unreasonable load.
😉

Newmumcw · 08/10/2022 15:21

CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 15:16

Some men are like that and some are not.

Some women allow themselves to be used as doormats and some do not.

Running around changing bedsheets while he was drinking tea for goodness sake 🙄

Haha

OP posts:
Newmumcw · 08/10/2022 15:22

LightDrizzle · 08/10/2022 15:19

Tell him for the next month you’ll swap jobs so you both get an insight into the other’s perspective. You’ll take the shopping in and sort bills and house stuff and anything else he routinely does, and he’ll do what you normally do. After a month you can fairly reassess if either of you is carrying an unreasonable load.
😉

That's my thought

OP posts:
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