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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me help DH…

31 replies

StupidEnergyDrinks · 07/10/2022 22:08

NC! I’m really worried at just how much DH is drinking energy drinks, I’m talking 4-5 big cans of monster/relentless a DAY!

We have young children, I have shown him endless articles of people who have died from excessive energy drink consumption, the effects on the heart, but it never sinks in. He thinks because he doesn’t drink alcohol it’s basically a ‘balance’🤦🏻‍♀️

What’s worse is he’s only early 30s, his family have history of heart problems, and he already suffers high blood pressure. He complains of breathlessness a lot, pins and needles in his arms, but this has literally become normal to him! I have sobbed to him saying how worried I am that I’m going to become widowed and my children are going to grow up without their dad. How do I get through to him?

OP posts:
Original poster
StupidEnergyDrinks · 07/10/2022 23:55

Muddywaters1 · 07/10/2022 23:51

Without even taking in to consideration any of the health risks, drinking that much Monster must cost nearly £200 a month?????

Do you know what, I’ve never even questioned the money side of it!! He buys the packs of 4, and gets through a box a day, then will grab a single can if we are in the shop etc. We have our joint pot for bills and a shared savings, but anything else is our own in our own bank accounts so I don’t even feel I have a leg to
stand on arguing what he spends it on😞

OP posts:
Weenurse · 07/10/2022 23:56

I would do what @Hexenjagd has suggested. Instead of being emotional, be practical.
Sit down and look at life insurance, what will it pay, will it cover the bills, what about DC education, do you need to up it?
List all of your account numbers and passwords and put in a safe place. Are you even the nominated beneficiary of the policies?
What does he want in terms of resuscitation status?
At what point does he want that enacted? Will he accept ICU but no breathing tube?
What does he want for his funeral or life celebration?
Does he want burial or cremation?
These are all important questions for life partners anyway.
God forbid, you get hit by a bus, who do you both want as guardians for your DC etc.? as it is unlikely he will be around to see them grow up
Good luck💐

HelloIamhere999 · 08/10/2022 00:00

Weenurse · 07/10/2022 23:56

I would do what @Hexenjagd has suggested. Instead of being emotional, be practical.
Sit down and look at life insurance, what will it pay, will it cover the bills, what about DC education, do you need to up it?
List all of your account numbers and passwords and put in a safe place. Are you even the nominated beneficiary of the policies?
What does he want in terms of resuscitation status?
At what point does he want that enacted? Will he accept ICU but no breathing tube?
What does he want for his funeral or life celebration?
Does he want burial or cremation?
These are all important questions for life partners anyway.
God forbid, you get hit by a bus, who do you both want as guardians for your DC etc.? as it is unlikely he will be around to see them grow up
Good luck💐

Exactly this. Its sad but you need to be realistic. Who knows, it may shock him!

I knew someone who drank coke to the extent that your husband did. He met his demise in his early 40s. Sad thing Is, it was his young children who found him dead.

Original poster
StupidEnergyDrinks · 08/10/2022 00:08

@Weenurse @HelloIamhere999 Yes you are completely right. He’s working tomorrow but home Sunday so this is exactly what I’m going to do. Something has to give because I’m so tired, tired of feeling like this all the time. Maybe having those things in place will put me more at ease/I’ll learn that I cannot change him or (the one I’m hoping more for) is that it will scare the shit out of him and he will stop- again unlikely and I know this deep down.
@HelloIamhere999 thats another thing I really have to consider, as it absolutely terrifies me. Is one of the kids finding him in the future, that’s when I start to feel angry at him for being a selfish childish twat!

OP posts:
unsync · 08/10/2022 01:14

He knows how much this worries you and yet is dismissive of those worries and won't take action to put your mind at rest. Is he dismissive of you in other ways OP? He obviously doesn't care much about you or your children. Time for a rethink on this relationship. Best you look at the life insurance and critical illness cover on him too.

thaegumathteth · 08/10/2022 01:25

My sons rugby coach died at 44 from a massive heart attack. He was never without a can of monster. Didn't drink alcohol either.

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