To hold my DS back a year?

[BackOnceAgainWith]

DS is 3 and at pre school.

He struggles with language and behaviour. He's a late May baby so not super late but on the young end. Because he's a little behind and he's younger than lots of his peers...he feels at a completely different stage to some of them...particularly the girls who seem able to sit and do an activity for 30 mins, talk in whole and complex sentences etc. They'll be doing some art while my DS is sitting next to them with the glue stick in his mouth.

I'm not being rude about my DS. I will defend and support him above all else. I just recognise at this age he still seems like a toddler whereas a lot of his peers are like proper school kids.

He doesn't have to start primary until he's 5 if I've understood correctly. So even though he'd be down to start Sep 23, is there any value in keeping him on nursery/pre school for another year and then he'll be 5 at start and turn 6 on the summer term.

Why don't more parents do this? Surely it can be really helpful for kids who still seem very young in temperament and language etc to not start school before they have to?

Would be really interested in any views

(Ps it is possible he's neurodiverse, DH is heavily dyslexic, and DS speech and language person actually mentioned autism but we not having a lot of luck down that path. We shall wait and of course get him any extra help he needs)

If you did with he would miss the, less formal play based, Reception class and go straight into the more formal Year 1. The Reception teacher should know how to relate to children with differing levels of development and maturity and can help get more support if he does have any SN.

with shouldn't have been in that first sentence.

I wish I’d held my son back. He’s always been one of the youngest in his year and has really struggled. We finally got an Asperger’s diagnosis last year. If I could go back in time, I’d definitely have looked at sending him to school later.

I didn’t that was the case any more?

Rather look fir a school nursery which caters to his needs
Good policy towards SEN

I personally wouldn’t. My DS2 is August born and was young and tiny too and a late talker. By year 5 he started pushing ahead and by secondary was academically ahead of all of his peers, despite being the youngest in the year. All children are different, but I think holding them back isn’t always necessary, reception is very play based and if there are things that he needs intervention with, then the sooner that intervention starts the better in my view

You won’t have to miss reception - he will be able to start in reception because he was born in May and compulsory school age is the term after he turns 5, so the September after he turns 5. He’ll be able to start reception then.

You need to find out more about the process in your local authority, generally you still apply for the September after he turns 4 and then confirm you want to defer him until the following year and apply again. So you really don’t need to decide now.

For what it’s worth, in your shoes I would 100% defer until he’s 5.