To prioritise my own needs over Dp's dog?
squashedalmondcroissant · 07/10/2022 17:56
Bit of a weird title but basically my dp has a lovely ddog who've I've been helping to look after since I moved in.
He has a specific routine that I follow and take him out for walks etc since dp and I both work shifts. On occasion he will ask his parents who live nearby to help and take ddog out when our shifts mean he'll be at home on his own all day.
Dp has recently got a new job which means his shift patterns are going to change a lot and therefore I may have to help out more often.
I've been trying to lose weight in the last couple months and have joined a gym which is just down the road from my work so I can go on the way home. I'm finding that I'm struggling to find the time to go because I often start early in the morning so I don't have the energy to go before work and on the way back I have to rush home to let the dog out/walk him. I don't drive so I have to walk everywhere (to/from work etc) and by the time I get home I'm too tired to go back out again!
I also have some holiday coming up while dp is away doing training for his new job and I feel bad thinking it but I'm already a bit annoyed in advance that the dogcare is going to be left to me and I won't be able to do the things I want to do during my time off as a result. I like to go on long hikes that I often take public transport to and I can't do this with ddog as he is nervous and doesn't like trains/buses - he also has arthritis so can't walk as far as me. I can't go and visit family/friends either as that would mean leaving ddog on his own for long periods.
I guess I'm just a bit frustrated. It's been a busy, stressful summer at work and I'm really looking forward to things being quieter so I can start doing hobbies and seeing friends a bit more. At the moment it feels like all I do is work and come home with a dog walk thrown in once a day. The last time I had a few days just for me was back in May!
At the same time, I feel like a giant arsehole asking Dp to ask his parents to do more when I'm technically available. But the thought of having to basically stay at home on my own bar dog walking for my whole time off is making me feel crap. I'm going to be bored out of my mind! Aibu? Is there an obvious compromise I'm missing?
Dp he's a great guy who works very hard and ddog is lovely. I'm happy to help out I'm just missing my freedom and I don't want it to get to the point where I'm resentful.
FictionalCharacter · 07/10/2022 18:12
I think it’s fine for DP to ask his parents to help out more.
Midnights · 07/10/2022 18:14
I think it's hard when it's not your pet - can he not hire a dog walker on occasion?
CrookCrane · 07/10/2022 18:16
What did he do before you moved in? He needs to do that again. If you wanted your life to revolve around a dogs needs, you’d have got a dog yourself!
Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 07/10/2022 18:18
Can the dog just go and stay with your DP's parents while he's away on this training course? (for starters)
And can they commit to taking the dog out on a few specific days per week so that you can make use of the gym membership that you've paid for?
Notanotherwindow · 07/10/2022 18:22
He needs to make other arrangements during this time. Whether that be dog day care, a walker or staying with his parents. I get that you do love him, I adore my dogs but they are a tie and he isn't your dog.
Goldbar · 07/10/2022 18:35
You need to be clearer with your DP about when you are/are not available. You've become his 'default' dog carer and you need to extract yourself from that position. For example, I'd make it clear to him that you will be going to the gym 2/3 evenings a week from now on and won't be available for dog care then. Also, rather than your DP assuming that you will be available for your whole holiday period, he needs to check with you when you will be available and make alternative arrangements for when you're out with friends or doing your own thing.
erinaceus · 07/10/2022 18:43
I think it's really tough when you move in with a partner and their much loved pet, and over time the pet becomes in part your responsibility too. However from your post it is not at all clear whether you have told your DP how you feel. I think you need to raise this with your DP soon, before things get more entrenched.
It is totally reasonable for the dog to go to kennels or your DP's parents, or for your DP to get a dog walker when you have some holiday and your DP is away, even if you are at home. You don't need to feel bad for that. Perhaps I am biased because our family dogs have always loved kennels, and sometimes have to go there for convenience when practical arrangements dictate, this doesn't mean they are not loved or cared for.
If you want to prioritise going to the gym, talk with your DP about how you can arrange things so that this can happen during the week. If a pattern of behaviour is being set up, it is quite possible that your DP doesn't know that you would prefer to change the arrangements.
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