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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's impossible to fit even half of life into the day?

33 replies

LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal · 07/10/2022 15:59

I'm struggling to manage what I see as getting a basic life into the week and wondering how everyone else is managing! I'm sure it will look like I'm just trying to do too much but I can't see what I could cut out without having to give up on things I basically need so I'm hoping I just need some tips on how to manage!

I work 40 hours a week, on barely over minimum wage, plus 3 hours ish a week commuting. On top of that I need to sleep (hopefully!) and do a part time OU course which in a few years will hopefully mean a new job and more money to make things easier. Then there's cooking & cleaning.

I also need to spend a little time each week supporting my parents who have no-one else. I don't do care for them, they have a cleaner etc to help them manage but just managing their help takes time (eg, finding new cleaner when old one stopped, sorting issues with prescription delivery, helping with bank problems etc etc etc). On top I have a very minimal social life to stop me being a hermit and need time to spend with DH and DD.

Then there's all the random bits that come along, needing to fit in going to the doctor because I have a minor but recurring medical issue, needing repairs done to the house, sorting out bills, and on and on.

DH has chronic health issues so helps as much as possible but can only manage work part time and be minimal help in the house. TBH the amount of work he does looking after himself to make sure I don't have to look after him as well as everything else takes up a fair amount of his time!

How can I manage all this without burning out completely?

OP posts:
GooglyEyeballs · 07/10/2022 16:05

I have been wondering this lately. I just can't seem to fit in my job, looking after my home, spending time with my husband, having a social life having a few low maintenance hobbies, keeping fit, having time to take a breather and relax and recharge. There's not enough time I'm always exhausted.

Grandeur · 07/10/2022 16:07

How can I manage all this without burning out completely?

I don't know. How do you expect us to work out your schedule when not even you can? YABU

Original poster
LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal · 07/10/2022 16:39

Grandeur · 07/10/2022 16:07

How can I manage all this without burning out completely?

I don't know. How do you expect us to work out your schedule when not even you can? YABU

I didn't assume I was the best at organising and knowing how to manage life, I thought there might be some better minds out there that have more experience than I do, same as why anyone asks anything on here really 🤨

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal · 07/10/2022 16:40

GooglyEyeballs · 07/10/2022 16:05

I have been wondering this lately. I just can't seem to fit in my job, looking after my home, spending time with my husband, having a social life having a few low maintenance hobbies, keeping fit, having time to take a breather and relax and recharge. There's not enough time I'm always exhausted.

That's how I'm feeling, shattered all the time. There doesn't seem anything obvious to cut out, can't just stop eating meals etc but it's so tiring doing it all

OP posts:
jonesy1999 · 07/10/2022 16:44

I feel the same.

I just feel like modern life isn't working.

I feel completely torn between my job and my kids, and like I'm neglecting both, and then all the other stuff just has to get done - or not - in between.

I find myself looking longingly at retired people pottering about, and then remind myself not to wish my life away, but it's just such a hamster wheel.

Sorry, no answers, just solidarity.

Original poster
LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal · 07/10/2022 16:52

jonesy1999 · 07/10/2022 16:44

I feel the same.

I just feel like modern life isn't working.

I feel completely torn between my job and my kids, and like I'm neglecting both, and then all the other stuff just has to get done - or not - in between.

I find myself looking longingly at retired people pottering about, and then remind myself not to wish my life away, but it's just such a hamster wheel.

Sorry, no answers, just solidarity.

Thanks, I'm glad it's not just me. It's definitely something about modern life, everything runs so fast and is supposed to save time but then there just seems to be so much to do in the time.

OP posts:
PlutoCritter · 07/10/2022 16:53

Modern family life isn't set up to do anything other than break people.

I look at my parents generation (dad on a factory wage, what is a minimum wage now, mum sahp to multiple children, bought a house with a garden in the same town as my grandparents who had time and health to help out) and it's like a millionaire's life now. I cannot replicate any of it really without winning the lottery, the free time, the 1 sahp, the proper house with a proper driveway and garden, a retirement at 55.

And I went to uni in an ok paid role and have climbed my way through promotions and it's still a drop in the ocean, I won't ever have that life.

Singlebutmarried · 07/10/2022 16:56

Grandeur · 07/10/2022 16:07

How can I manage all this without burning out completely?

I don't know. How do you expect us to work out your schedule when not even you can? YABU

Who pissed in your cornflakes?

OP I find it helps to write a list. Just the crossing off of something makes me feel better.

I’ve a list of jobs that need to be done , ones I’d like to get done and then ones that are a bonus if they end up getting done ever.

Original poster
LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal · 07/10/2022 16:57

PlutoCritter · 07/10/2022 16:53

Modern family life isn't set up to do anything other than break people.

I look at my parents generation (dad on a factory wage, what is a minimum wage now, mum sahp to multiple children, bought a house with a garden in the same town as my grandparents who had time and health to help out) and it's like a millionaire's life now. I cannot replicate any of it really without winning the lottery, the free time, the 1 sahp, the proper house with a proper driveway and garden, a retirement at 55.

And I went to uni in an ok paid role and have climbed my way through promotions and it's still a drop in the ocean, I won't ever have that life.

That's true, looking at my parents they had elderly parents too but they were in excellent cheap care homes, they both had to work full time but the money easily paid all the bills with plenty left, my mum didn't want to stay at home but childcare was cheap and no-one minded if it was terrible as long as the kids were alive at the end of the day. School didn't expect her to lift a finger to help out because she was a working mother, they had a decent house and plenty of time spare.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal · 07/10/2022 17:00

Singlebutmarried · 07/10/2022 16:56

Who pissed in your cornflakes?

OP I find it helps to write a list. Just the crossing off of something makes me feel better.

I’ve a list of jobs that need to be done , ones I’d like to get done and then ones that are a bonus if they end up getting done ever.

Show quote history

Thanks, I think maybe if I had a list ongoing (might need to be a scroll!) it would help at least just to see how much I'm trying to fit in and make me feel better about being knackered!

OP posts:
emmathedilemma · 07/10/2022 17:01

I used to be quite good at it but I think lockdown slowed down my pace of life and I’m finding it harder to get going again! I think being strict about you use your time is essential Eg take your lunch breaks at work and use them to clear something off your “life admin” list. Batch cook, prepare for the next day the night before, allow yourself some slack occasionally and every so often I have a day of leave just to catch up with myself!

Toomuch2019 · 07/10/2022 17:02

Going into solution mode here but what really helped me was Laura Vanderkam's books - I started with I know how she does it

Basically the premise is looking at your life more holistically in the sense of what you do across the space of a week, and actually it made me mentally feel a lot stressed. I don't know if will help you but really shifted my mindset and helped it feel a lot more manageable
(Full time job, 2 kids, volunteering, demanding family and sleep!)

Good luck finding something that works for you and makes it a bit more manageable (if giving stuff up isn't an option) x

JaninaDuszejko · 07/10/2022 17:02

My goodness, you are doing a lot more than most people. Work FT, PT degree, caring for elderly parents and your DH and child. You are a superhero! You shouldn't feel at all guilty about struggling to do everything because you are trying to do so much. The world keeps going because of people like you.

NameChangeLifeChange · 07/10/2022 17:03

In your position OP I would consider whether dropping hours and claiming some benefits might be financially viable/the same and consider it. I believe in people working where possible but your life sounds exhausting! If you could work part time and have time to put into the OU course and your family you’d be much happier and ultimately it would be a lot easier. Is that a possibility? I know little about benefits so apologies if it isn’t!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/10/2022 17:04

Is your dh claiming everything he can, with being ill? That could help fund things to make life a little easier.

NameChangeLifeChange · 07/10/2022 17:06

PlutoCritter · 07/10/2022 16:53

Modern family life isn't set up to do anything other than break people.

I look at my parents generation (dad on a factory wage, what is a minimum wage now, mum sahp to multiple children, bought a house with a garden in the same town as my grandparents who had time and health to help out) and it's like a millionaire's life now. I cannot replicate any of it really without winning the lottery, the free time, the 1 sahp, the proper house with a proper driveway and garden, a retirement at 55.

And I went to uni in an ok paid role and have climbed my way through promotions and it's still a drop in the ocean, I won't ever have that life.

I completely agree with this. Mine and DH level of education and professional job is similar to my parents at our age but the lifestyle…Jesus. They could afford 3 kids, ski and hot holiday every year, lovely house. We are rubbing pennies together at the end of the month. Depressing!

Testina · 07/10/2022 17:11

It sounds like everything that isn’t work could be fitted into 5 evenings and a full weekend day. Which gives you an entire day to do nothing but relax - although it’s the kind of relaxing that includes a child! But, we do have them cos we want them, so I’m guessing you can enjoy doing stuff with them!

So my two top tips are:

  • if it feels like there’s constantly something to do, be very strict about carving out that day when you do nothing
  • embrace screen time for your child
Kite22 · 07/10/2022 17:11

I agree with @JaninaDuszejko

Working FT and running a home is as much as a lot of people are able to manage.
I would suggest that a lot of people who choose to study either aren't working FT, or have a partner who can take over all the domestic stuff for the duration of the study / course, or, are super energetic or very 'driven'.

Novella12 · 07/10/2022 17:17

Plan your week. On a Sunday evening, sit down with a planner and look at the week in front of you. Put in the things that must be done (e.g. block out your work and study time), and then physically find time slots for the things you want to do, such as spending time with DH and DD.

Your time sounds very stretched, so this is a good exercise to help you think about what is really important to you and what you need to spend your time doing.

The less vital things can slot in where they fit, but if they don't fit one week then that's ok because you're doing the important things. Remember to schedule time for you too. You need rest. It's one of the most important things, in fact.

Notplayingball · 07/10/2022 17:17

Well, the grass isn't always greener. I don't work but due have chronic health issues and two DC with additional needs.

Want to swap? No didn't think so.

DoingJustFine · 07/10/2022 17:22

I really think the secret is to go to bed early (9pm-10pm), then get up early to do important stuff. Nothing important happens after 9pm. At least, not when you're married. 😆

So go to bed at 9pm, get up at 5am, do your OU stuff, go to work, see parents on your way home once a week. See friends another night. Have quality time with DH and DC the other 5 nights. Fit medical stuff in before/after work.

Would that work? I realise it's controversial.

Onceuponaheartache · 07/10/2022 17:25

I feel this way a lot @LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal

I am a single mum, work full time doing over 40 hours a week with a 40 minute commute each way

Then there is the house to clean, washing to do, dog to walk, meals to cook etc.

Few things that help in my experience...

1 batch cook at the weekend
2 1 pot meals that you can do in either a multicooker or slow cooker
Ideas... stew, spaghetti bolognase, lasagne, casserole, joints of meat, pulled pork, risotto can all be done in the slow cooker
3 make time to have a good declutter of surfaces as it makes it easier to stay clean
4 IF you can find it in your budget get a one off deep clean. I pay for a fortnightly tart up to do bigger jobs like mopping floors etc
5 be kind to yourself!!!

Mommabear20 · 07/10/2022 17:47

I've found writing down every single job that needs doing in a week (however big or small that job maybe) and then assigning them all to specific days, and sticking to those jobs on those days, and prioritising them each day, eg. Cooking dinner would trump vacuuming. Yes sometimes jobs don't get done, but I find I worry less as I know what NEEDED to be done, is done. Assigning specific times for certain jobs also helps if there's certain things that you know you do at certain times, like dinner etc.

InCheesusWeTrust · 07/10/2022 17:55

How many hours is the OU and what does "little bit of time with my parents" mean?

I have way too much time😳 I always eonder ehat am I forgetting when I read about childfree people having no time!

CatchersAndDreams · 07/10/2022 18:02

Tbh OP I think if you're working FT and doing a PT degree you will have hobbies and life on hold for a while. I worked FT whilst doing a FT degree (my job was my placement luckily) and I did miss out on life whilst doing both.

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